I honestly think I am calling it quits on trying to get my H back. I don't think it will ever happen. If I spend time with him now I get upset about his gf and him going home to her and not me. I make to many comments like what are you spending a quite evening at home tonight with her. I look at him at can't stand being with him and then knowing he is with her more than me hurts terriable. And he just makes me upset and says it's my fault for him being with her. He says he doesn't know what he is going to do, but yet he knows to go home to her and not his family. He said no on is going to force him to do something. My daughter used to be able to call for my H at her house, but now his gf told her don't get involved and hung up on her. My H told me she has a cop who is a friend and she said I am harrassing her, which is a lie. If I called for my H she starts with me 1st and then of course I have to say something back and then she hangs up and won't get him. She is the one who always starts something and tells me not to call there. My H can't even have his cell phone so we don't have any way to contact him. And he is putting up with this. He said at least I warned you not to say anything to her when she starts with you. I just can not believe my H would allow her to do this. He is my H and not hers, he belongs to me and his family.

Why not go to plan B?

Isn't Plan B hard when you have children? Of course he hasn't seen his kids in over a week or even called them. He was suppose to see them on Sunday, but our 13 year old son said he rather go with his Aunt to a fle market and my younger son was at his friends so he didn't see them. The kids don't care at this point to see him and I don't think my H cares to see them either or talk to them or he would make a point to even if she won't let him. She has to be very jealous of me in my opinion.

I wanted to reply to you on Jen's thread... but didn't want to hijack it... so I'll post here instead! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Suggestion: Forget about your H for a moment. Now forget about OW for a bit too. Just think about you.

Deep inside, do you REALLY feel as though it is YOUR fault that your H is where he is at now?

You've commented on it a few times already, and it REALLY concerns me. I think you are putting too much of your situation on YOUR shoulders... when it belongs on yours AND your H's shoulders.

He's giving you quite the cop out speech, by telling you that he's only with OW b/c you had an A. That is total bullhooey! Do you realize that? I mean, REALLY see it??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yes, you made a terrible mistake to have an A. But it was YOUR CHOICE to do that. It wasn't a good one... but you're human, and that's what you CHOSE to do. In the same manner, your H has CHOSEN to be with this OW. It is NOT YOUR FAULT! It is NOT YOUR DOING. It is ENTIRELY HIS DECISION!!!

I am sorry that you have children that are being affected by these choices that were made. But new choices can still happen, right?

I think it's a good suggestion that you go to plan B. Yes, it's not a true and total NC with your H, b/c there are children.... but it also protects you, so that you have minimal contact with him. That saves you from being continuously hurt by his terrible comments... and from OW's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Most of those in plan B with children MUST talk to their spouse. It's called parenting. However... contact can be kept to emails only, for example. Why not give it a try?

Another reminder: You cannot control your H's actions... only your own. The fact that HE CHOOSES to go "home" (???) to OW ... there's nothing you can do about that. You need to accept that as being his choice right now. Accepting something, sure as heck doesn't mean you have to like it! Keep that in mind too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The sooner you can get yourself away from "he said this", and "he does that", and onto "I did this" and "I am that", the better off you'll be... for YOU. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm sorry if any of this sounds harsh to you... I am not intending to hurt you by my words. What I want, is for you to see that it's NOT YOUR FAULT entirely... so please find a way to let that go. We're always here to help you through that if we can.

Karen

Good because I need all the help I can get. Today my H had a dr appointment and he needed a check for the visit and in the morning my daughter called his gf's house (she was at work), well the gf thought it was me and picked up the phone and listened while my daughter asked for her father and she hung up on her. My daughter who is 19 was in tears and I called back and his gf said I thought I told you never to call here again and I said you hung up on her and she couldn't talk to her father, then she hung up on me. My H told me she wanted to take him to his appointment, because she knows I usually go with him and then we go for lunch. She was insistiing to go with my H and he told her no. Then my H called me while he was on his way there and said she would probably follow him there and if I showed up she was going to make a scene. And I asked my H what and he said I don't know, I told him I am still your wife, what is she going to call the cops on me and say I was harrassing him. I think she defintly is psycho, I told him I will be there anyway. Well I went and she wasn't there. Then when he was done he said I have to go to her house (he is living with her), I will call you in an hour. Well he called and now he is here sleeping, I did not ask him any questions, so I don't know what is going on. Maybe he is realizing she has a big problem. Don't you think he is going to get sick of this? Or maybe he is, he only knows I guess. She seems very jealous of me and him being with his kids.