Hi Kp, saw your post on "Mimi's update", we seem to be on similar time line. I've been married almost 19 yrs(April,) I have 4 kids, oldest 18, youngest is 4. My H's A started around 11/02, D-Day was 12/21. I've only been planAing for over a week, and I think I want too much too fast! The first few weeks after D-Day were miserable, lots of crying, begging, namecalling, but I'm feeling much more in control now. My H lives 2 1/2 hrs away(where he met OW)for work purposes originally, and so comes home to visit kids and sometimes overnights. He's home now and I'll be seeing him in an hour when i'm done work. Anxious, fearful, hoping for a good night. Gonna try for some alone time, maybe go out. If he doesn't want to, I'm going out anyways. Check out my other posts, also on PlanA/B, to get more of my story. but anyways, what I want to say to you,is that I know how it hurts, don't we all, after 20 years together, and in my case, I thought "great" years, it's hard to imagine life without them. I still can't. But I am getting to a place where I know I could be ok, if that does happen. It won't be easy, but I do try not to think about that too much just yet. Just have to be patient with Plan A and wait for any results. Let me know how it goes with you. I know I'll be here, right now it's my lifeline.

Hi,learnin

I am also married 19years (20 this november).I feel so lost this week. My kids are 13 my girl will be 10 thursday. The doctor has me on meds. so I'm starting to feel more like my self. Here is my home e-mail address Kplennert@mail.com I'm at work now. I can't post my work address. I am sad there's so many of us, but glad not to be alone.

kathy

Kp, i do most of my posting at work, but still check in at home. I'll be leaving work in a few minutes, but will try to catch you later. Hoping for a good visit w/H. He is still seeing OW, spent sat. night w/her and a few of her female friends at his apt. playing cards,games. While I was busy having a big 4-yr. old birthday party for our D with my family. Nice choice for him, huh? He doesn't even realize yet what he's missing, doing! He's acting out his early 20's all over again. The drinking, no responsibilities, even his apt. is reminiscent of his old bachelor pad. He's just been away too long and is very disconnected from the Family man that he once was. It's sad actually and I hope he realizes it before it's too late for us all.
talk soon. In the meantime, take care of yourself! I'm workin out, loosin weight and trying to feel good about ME for a change. With or without him, life is too short....

learnin,

I hope your night worked out the way you wanted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Just checking in.
Kathy

Kp, thanks for caring. See my post under "Fog?" for a rundown of how my evening went, not as hoped, but overall not so bad. As my H once quoted in a card to me, not so very long ago, "we will get by, we will survive"! Hangin in there, hope you are too.

learnin,

Sounds like an overall good night. I've seen a big diffrence in our marriage since useing plan A.
Even if things don't work the way I'd like. I think I'm in a place were we still will be able to raise our children together. I at first the idea was in my head that he was doing this to hurt me. I now know that not the case. Have you read Surviving Infidelity it helped me a lot.H tells me he wants to work on our marriage,but doesn't brake it of. He says he doesn't want to hurt her.(well Hello)Whats this a party for me.We have an marriage couseling appointment for tomarrow but I have to cancle.(snow again)Every once in awhile I will do somthing that surprises him. I just tell him incase I have to go it alone. He seems to be a bit shocked.(Just reality)
Know matter what plan A has value. Where do you live? I'm in Pa.

Hi kp, how are things going with you? Haven't heard from WH since he was home, I'm getting over "my" addiction of needing to hear his voice everyday...if he doesn't call, I don't call him, (unless it's important kid stuff)
Hope all is well.

learnin,

Glad to hear form you. I had to give my H space before we could realy talk. Although sometimes I hate what he says. I aske him last week where he was with his relationship with OW. He told me there friends. I said don't F*** he said yes they do. Somehow I kept my mouth shut. do see plan A working,But I need to have patients (not always easy). At this point I turly glad for the good times and we talk more than before the A. He tells me he loves me. (I hope it's not out of guilt)

It took me a few weeks to get to the point where I know that no matter what happens I'll be OK.
I have to ask him agian how we can work on our marrige with OW in the picture.He tells just a little more time. He dosen't want to hurt her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ( well Hello).I my self am working on me. Had to stop obsessing on him. Helps you to feel better, that and a antidepressant <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If you wright me at home I'll give you my work e-mail address.

Hang in there Kathy

Hey kp are you there? Just wonderin how things are going for you. Will write again in a bit.