Finally told WW last night that her continuing to work at her job with OM was getting harder, not easier, to handle. She took a nap.

Later in the evening, she told me she noticed I had been having hard days and apparentlty heard me crying in the shower that morning (damn!). Anyway, said she would find another job.

But very angry about it. Asked me if I had anything I wanted to say about it ... do you feel an LB coming on? Of course, I bit, talked about seeing their contact last week and told her I felt like they weren't really trying to avoid each other. Whoops. Her response ... 'she was handling it', I 'wasn't even trying' too, she was going to 'tell me this weekend she was willing to look at some MB material' (Needs book), etc. Said she could leave and that would make things better.
Said that leaving job won't make her stop thinking about OM or going thru her 'agony'. Made some very 'foggy' type comments. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyway, this morning, she hugged me a long time and gave me a kiss. Said last night was just a bad night and since we hadn't had one in a while, that that was a good sign. Meeting her for lunch today.

Should I go there again or let it ride? Any thoughts on where she's at right now?

Zaed

From Willard Harley:

"My experience helping couples recover from infidelity has taught me that any contact between the unfaithful spouse and the lover ruins reconciliation. Even casual contact prevents completion of withdrawal from the addiction of an affair. Since an affair is usually an addiction, the only way to fully recover is to permanently separate the unfaithful spouse (the addict) from the lover (the source of the addiction). But even in the very few cases when an affair is not an addiction, total separation of the spouse and lover is a necessary act of consideration for the feelings of the betrayed spouse. It's the very least a wayward spouse can do to compensate for the suffering caused by the affair. Continued contact with a lover simply perpetuates the suffering of the betrayed spouse indefinitely.

It's been my experience that without total separation, mutual love cannot be restored, resentment cannot be overcome and protection from the threat of another affair cannot be guaranteed. So when I counsel couples who want to reconcile after an affair, I insist on total separation of the unfaithful spouse and the lover with extraordinary precautions to guarantee that they never see or talk to each other again."

She won't ever withdraw from him as long as there is contact. No contact is the LEAST she can do if you are willing to stick it out with her, anything less is cruel.