I need advice ASAP. Last weekend I discovered that my wife of 23 years is having an affair. It has apparently only been going on for a few months, but she refused to tell me anything about it or the person that she is involved with. She says she is simply not happy, though she still loves me, but that she wants this opportunity. With a little investigative work I now know everything. She met the man through her job. He lives 300 miles away and is married, so they can only see each other occasionally. I have everything: his home, work, and mobile numbers, his home address (in Canada), he and my wife's phone records, a receipt from when they shared the hotel room, even his wife's first name. He is my age and has big money. My wife does not know that I even have his name. How should I go about confronting him. Tell him it can all be buried if he agrees never to see her again? Threaten to tell all to his wife (who I'm certain doesn't know)? Drive to Canada and kick his [censored] (not really, just venting)! I need help fast because I plan on making some move tomorrow. Help!

The first person I would talk to is your wife. I would show her the discovery of your material. I did this with my husband. Showed him the cellphone bills, which he was sending to a private POBox he had. I got them to send me all the copies, back to when he started talking to the OW, and showed them to him. Yes, he got angry, mad, ballistic. Expect that. But you know what he said later, he was glad it was out in the open.

Then I would say something like, I love you. I am sorry that this happened. And see what she says. Go from there. You could get counseling, you could plan A/B. You have to start somewhere, and getting the affair out in the open is the first step. Also, if I was to do this over, I would of contacted the OW husband after discussing this with my husband. There is no reason for the OW in my life to tell me what to do. Even after the OW called and threatened me with suicide if my husband and I told her husband, I did what she wanted.

This is going to be hard, tears, mistrust, all sorts of feelings are going to come out. Also, you should have your wife have an AIDS/STD testing done. You don't know who he has been with, or his wife. So no sex between the two of you until the testing has been done. Also, to have sex with her, when she is having sex with the OW, is so ridiculous.

Good Luck.

I posted to your other thread so I will keep it short. I would say you are too emotional and angry right now. Read, read, read. If you can stomach it wait until you get a better grip on your feelings before confronting your WW.

I waited for a week before I went to my WW. I knew I couldn't talk to her about it before without getting angry at her for her choices.

Buy Surviving An Affair and read it first!

STTSI

Contact the OM's wife immediately and in all probability the OM will dump your wife immediately.
Your wife tells you she loves you but wishes to continue the affair and have this opportunity? You would have to be crazy to accept your wife having sex with another man because she "wants this opportunity."
The old saying applies "No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change." What do you think your wife would say if you told her you are in a sexaul affair with another woman and you wanted to continue to have sex with her and you believe your wife should allow you to have this opportunity? I bet she would seek a lawyer immediately. Do not enable her to continue to screw another man behind your back. I wish you luck.