I was only able to watch the Wednesday episode of Dr.Phil (with the OW), so I cannot make comments on the other. I wanted to watch, but I had to go out and do some shopping for the house, and more importantly, had to meet with my lawyer again, to sign the final draft of the affidavit.

Sadly, I haven't done any more in Self Matters. I at least have the relief knowing that although many of my experiences were negative, I was able to learn very positive life lessons from them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am just in a rut the past week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I've been really down, although I haven't been able to pinpoint why that is. So, I've just been convincing myself that it's the winter blues. I'll be heading out for the day in a bit, so hopefully that will help me some (it's been far too cold to do anything outside with the boys in the last few weeks...sigh!).

Everytime I see you post now, you seem to be stronger and stronger. I am so happy for you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And please... stop thanking me for referring the book to you. It was YOU who went out and bought it, read it, and started working on the exercises. I had nothing to do with that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What's your update?

Karen

Topie---sorry you got the blues. It sounds like you need some down time and to just chill out. I was so annoyed at myself this week cause of I felt complainy. Everything was annoying me but then I realized that I have had no spare time, no time to reflect and little time to spend with God. UGH That hurts?

But got to read Dr Phil this morning and now I need to take what I learned to pray to filter through what is mine and what is not.

Two major revelations: 1-on pages 46-49, it was so freeing to see MY feelings in writing. You cannot change anything you are not aware of.
2-was very concerned why I let myself stay in the pain of my M and then not understanding why it made me crash when I had to leave my M. Answer--
We are driven by a hierarchy of needs (i.e. Survival, Security, Self-esteem, Love, Self-expression, Intellectual fulfillment and Spiritual fulfillment) In SELF MATTERS (pages 130-131) Dr Phil explains our need for survival. "If you have gotten so distorted in your thinking as to believe, for example, that you "just couldn't go on living" without the presence of you spouse, then the survival need would motivate you to do or TOLERATE amazingly irrational things in order to "survive". I learned that I have put my need for survival in the hands of others which goes back to the effect and influence that so many addicted people had on me. I had survival in the hands of others instead of God and my myself.

Just read Locus of Control and can see myself as an internalizer.

I had various interactions with WS this past 2weeks because of our son's moving to Mississippi and they have not caused me to lament, long for or question why our M is what it is. I had fleeting thoughts but not consuming feelings of doom, what ifs and what fors.

I guess the biggest thing I am learning is how to stop letting others and circumstances define me. I am looking at how God made me and trying to find my place in the scheme of things.

Work is a struggle right now cause I have too much for one person to do so I make mistakes and cannot complete important tasks and I do not like the way this is making me feel about myself.

Hope this coming week is better for you.

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I had various interactions with WS this past 2weeks because of our son's moving to Mississippi and they have not caused me to lament, long for or question why our M is what it is. I had fleeting thoughts but not consuming feelings of doom, what ifs and what fors. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey! I'm in Miss'sippi! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Where is your son and what is he doing?

Hi sorry that i did not write back sooner, but my H is gone I am just dreamingto jail but now he is out on bail. But I am sending the d paper this week and I am going to get all of his thing that he owen to me. but do you think I will get it or do you think I am just dreaming .

but this is just a short message. how are you doing and your kids doing and have you seen you ex

Susan---my son moved to Forest, Miss, I think it is near Jackson?

Where are you?

TW

I'm south of there. A little north of the Gulf Coast.

How is it down there? Were you born there? Sorry to meet you on this forum. I guess you have had a "bump" with infidelity?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How is it down there? Were you born there? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know where you are, so I don't know how it is compared to where you live.

I was born in Mississippi...in the DELTA. TOTALLY FLAT LAND. You can see for miles! I have lived all over the entire state...mostly moving around after we were married.

But, to me it is wonderful here. The city we live in is a larger city. We have everything we need and more right here. I tell my husband "so many stores...so little time"...

Our town is a great town for raising children. It is a good size, but not so large that we have a high crime rate. My only disappointment is that if you want to raise you children to "think differently" it is hard to do here. If you don't play baseball if you are a guy, you are weird! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The town your son lives in is a smaller town, but it is close to a larger town, Jackson. I guess Forrest, MS is a rural area known for poultry, cattle and timber.

Does he like it there?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sorry to meet you on this forum. I guess you have had a "bump" with infidelity?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, we did, but that was years ago now and we have a much stronger, happier marriage as a result of the "bumps".

We have both come a long way. I have been reading MB for years and I am still learning.

Recovery doesn't mean bad things vanish. I still have problems. But, today I am able to deal with my problems. I can face them and not run away.

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Susan--- My son just moved there last Thurs and has found an apartment to move into this coming Wed so he really has not been there a week yet. My son is not going to live in Forrest, I don't think, but that is where his job is. I live in upstate NY ----Poughkeepsie area. Very expensive but beautiful country and suburb living. I have lived in NY most of my life.

Glad to hear that you are recovered from the A and soooooooo glad to hear that you made it and are happier. I wanted that to happen in my case more than anything in the world. At first I thought that the A would be a catalyst for change but my WS finally admitted after 1 1/2 yrs that he was unwilling to work on us----too hard and too complicated for him. He did not want to change anythng so I think he still lives in fantasyland. Wanted to co-exist but I loved him too much to do that so here I am living alone and really starting to enjoy every minute. Funny how happiness comes in different forms.

I hope to visit Mississippi soon so I guess I better read up about what your state is all about. Any beaches??? I love to visit other states and mingle with the residents. Those are the best vacations.

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any beaches??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not good ones. The closes beaches in Mississippi would probably be 3 hours from Forrest.

The Mississippi beaches have now become mostly covered with casino's...so, unless you like to do that and can bear that smoke... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But, Florida is not too far...and they have wonderful beaches.