Talked to the OM today, told him I needed to know his intentions (how serious, etc). Said my wife had told him that we were not good or he never would have been interested. His only concern seemed to be that his wife not find out. I never threatened to tell, just asked if he could back away and give us some time. He quickly agreed, then said he was going to call my wife and tell her that I had called him. I asked him not to because she didn't know that I even knew who he was, and she didn't need to know about the conversation, but he said he had to do it. (I knew that he wanted to make ask her try to keep me from making trouble for him.) So I had to call my wife and tell her that I had talked to OM. To say the least, she was not happy. But I learned three things from my call to him:
1. His wife doesn't know, and he sure as hell will do what he can to keep her from finding out.
2. According to him, my wife initiated and is perpetuating the A. Calling him, leaving messages, etc.
3. As hard as I would be willing to fight to keep my wife, this spinless [censored] would drop her in a second if she would say the word, but will continue the A if she wants.
Hopefully, if she ever calms down, she will see what kind of man he is. But if she is the one pursuing, and doesn't want to stop, then I sure didn't do myself any favors today. Sugestions on my next move?

I think you should tell his wife. JMHO - but, Willard Harley says the same thing. She desreves to know. Wouldn't you have wanted a heads up, if she knew before you?

Sit back and let the dust settle. Have you bought SAA? You need to learn plan A and go like crazy with that.

Did you promise OM that you wouldn't tell his W?

I would tell the W but I might wait first. You have already LBed enough for one day. Do you want your M to work?

STTSI

What kind of thinking says, "Don't tell my wife, but I HAVE to tell your W"?

You may not be at this point, but consider telling OM that he has 48 hours to break it off, after which you will tell OM's W. If he says anything to your W, that's his choice, but you would rather than he did not. And that you will likely find out similarily to how you found out everything else if he does.

After he breaks it off, tell his W anyway, since that's what you said you did. (It would be his fault for assuming you said you wouldn't). Heck, you could do it anonymously, and then continue to threaten OM that you'll tell his W (i.e. play dumb). Or put in some plausible deniability mechanism (i.e. self-directed third-party).

Ah, if only life were this easy. But seriously, given the weakness of OM's bond to your W, it may be a desireable (after the initial storm, of course) alternative to a prolonged in-your-face affair.

I don't know how likely your W would want to work on marriage, but most WS seem to want to if the marriage was decent and there was enough Plan A effects.

Be nice to your W though, and consider not justifying your actions with words. The fog just deflects most of it anyway.

JMO...If OM tells your wife you talked to him she could interpret that as you trying to control her and end up putting them on the same "team".

I did the same thing....MLW(my lovely wife <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) did not appreciate this very much.