I am a 31 year old mother of three and have been married for 6 years. I am a passive person and I have let my mother in law almost destroyed my marriage. I truly hated this women for all the terriable things she did to my family and my husband.But out of respect for my husband I put up with all of her garbage. In the meantime I also let the love of my life become an awful enemy. I thought he loved his mom more then me and our kids. I seeked out a friend who emotionaly supported me and then fell in love with him even knowing he is very ill and would not have a bright future. When d-day came it was in Jan.31, 2003. My husband was crushed because I hurt him so bad for my actions. I was convinced that we were not worth it because I was so disgusted with myself. My lover is going to die and I care for him very much but I love my husband. I want to be able to tell him that me and my family needs to go back together as a family but he is so alone and lonely that he continues to call me at each chance he gets. I feel if I become assertive with him and he does in fact die after that how could I live with myself by hurting two wondrful men. I have made a terriable mistake and it eats at me all the time. My husband is very supported of me and we are togehter and trying each day to recover. Should I feel guilt if my lover dies or femember the time we shared I made him feel happy and joy and loved?
How do I make him see in a letter, call, or what?
Even though I am not talking to him when I get the message it stirs up feelings I should not have when I am working so hard at my marriage. Does anyone have any advise for me?

Life has consequences, and one of the more difficult ones are relationships that end (for whatever reason). Love is a funny thing, we often use the word for all sorts of things that are really obsessions, dependentcies, self-serving, etc. But there is one test that works well, if you really love someone you want the best for them and you let them go if needed. If you have not told your lover that you cannot be torn between two men (and that is a legitimate concern), and that you must focus on your H and ask him to respect that....then do so, if he loves you he will let you determine your life. If you have done this, and he continues to pursue you, then he does not love you, he loves himself and uses you. This is true in marriages as well, the test works under all circumstances, anyone who will not let another go when they ask them to, is self-serving. You do not owe this man (or anyone for that matter) anything but honesty....be honest with him, then have the courage to follow your choice (restoring your marital relationship). Will you feel things? Guilt? Saddness? Loss? Sure, accept that is the consequence of your previous choices....it is ok to feel those things, it is not ok for those feelings to control your behaviour. If the om loves you he will let you go peacefully, and you will just have to live with your feelings. If he won't let you go peacefully, then he doesn't love you anyways, so that should make it easier to live with the feelings, either way the point is you have made a choice, to be with your H, act on it....now, today, don't wait another minute.

Thank you lurking about you have helped me tremdously

You are welcome, let us know how it goes.

Wayword, you first responsibility is to your H and family. Sadly, the OM may be hurt, but it's time he made his peace and got forgiveness also for being in the middle of a marriage!
I'd give him some Christian advice for his own soul making peace, then I'm sure there is hospice and friends of his who will be with him for his loneliness.
I'm sure this man had friends before you and must have family somewhere. You cannot allow him to put a guilt trip on you now. In fact, you're doing him more harm than good. I'm talking as a Christian who sees a man in a sinful situation and ready to die. He has a lot more important things and priority to think on than you!
Do it. LouLou

Should I feel guilt if my lover dies
Why, did you make him die? You should feel guilt whether he dies tomorrow, next year or in a hundred years. It makes no difference. But the guilt should be because of your affair, not hi dying.

or femember the time we shared I made him feel happy and joy and loved?
You should remember you had an affair and betrayed your husband and children and forget about om.