Yesterday started out good and by midday I was a basketcase.
Had a Busy Basketball tourn. schedule with 12 yr.old, got 16 yr. old to the ski slope(had a bad argument on the way, he called me awful names), loaned car to 18 yr.old to go get a tire for his car.
Expected him to be back in time for me to get back to the gym for the championship game.
NOOO, he gets back to late, selfishly did more than get a tire, so he was late.
I missed the game, and as I was doing housework, vacuuming to keep myself busy, waiting for 12 yr.old to get home, I start to lose it.
Feeling soo, bad that no one was at his game for support, knowing how much that means to him. Angry that H never even bothered to ask if he had games this weekend.
Feeling like my life is just an endless task of chaufering, cleaning toilets, worrying about $, trying to discipline alone...I LOST IT?
I called H, crying hysterically, upset that I had missed S's game, that older S treated me badly, etc. etc.
H was good though, tried to calm me down, seemed genuinely worried about me, felt bad about not knowing about the games..I emotionally talked about giving up the kids,(I really feel that way sometimes, but he knows it would kill me) He said he would take them if it came to that, but it would be a few months before he could be settled enough to do so(move in with OW & her kids, when her D is final?) I asked if he thought that's what he'd be doing and he said it very well could.
WAS this big-time LB???
He called later and I apologized for sharing my bad day like that, and that I was going to spend the night w/a friend, as I needed to get away...He thought that was a good idea, told me not to feel so bad about the games, to drive carefully and call him today.
DID I set myself back too much on Plan A?
We talked today, he said he knows I'm overwhelmed with the kids, tough ages etc. and then we talked taxes, refinancing the house.
I ended the conversation by telling him that I loved him, He said< I Love you too, followed by a jokingly, I just don't like you very much right now. I said Ditto.
But we ended the call ok.
He's coming up mid-week, make calls about refinancing, sign tax forms, etc.
How should I proceed from here.
I know I probably set this whole Plan A thing back, Or not, I don't know anymore.
I'm feeling better today, but "horrible" thoughts were going through my head yesterday.. IT WAS BAD!
I thought I was doing so good...
