Well everyone her I am. Very sad today. Yesterday(sunday) was tuff on me just like every sunday. Those were the best days with the family.

Wife wont speak to me or even write me. I havent heard form her since Thursday. I have stoped emailing her and Im not going to try and call her. I am going to give her a week or two to think about things. Even though right now I dont think it will do any good.

I have been thinking alot the past two days. I feel like me being in Germany and W being in California that I am OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND. I will be to easy for her to forget while im over here. I know that if I were home this would be so much easier. I would be able to do and show all the little changes I have made in my life. Plus I would have my boys to help me get through this. They mean the world to me and I miss them so much.

I guess I am whining pretty good right now but I am very depressed. I hope all of you are had a great weekend. Talk with all you soon.
Dan

Dan,

Yesterday was a crap day for me too. Started off good but then I totally overreactedto something MLW said about OM...I reacted to quick and without listening to what or why she said what she said.

Still call your family. Talk to your kids. I wouldwrite more but I gottaget ready for work....duty calls.

Doug

Hey all
Today was a little bit better than yeaterday.

d_rose. I am sorry that you are haveing a tough time too. I leaned something today that I could have used in the past. Well actually I have always know this but never really seen the true importance of using it.

When the W says something stupid or crazy just think to your self and tell her that yeah thats possible. No matter what you really think just tell her that it is possible. Than later on once you have had time to think. Tell her what you are thinking but in a more calm civil mannor. I cant wait to try it out on my W.

Well Im going to go and get a bite to eat. Talk to you all soon.

Danny

Danny,
I have been gone for a few days.

What happened that she won't talk to you or e-mail you any longer? Did this happen because of an arguement? Or did she just stop answering you?

Remember that there will be setbacks but we don't know what the outcome will be yet - OK?

SS

Danny,
Please tell us how you are doing.
Even if you have lost your faith in things working, we still care about you.

SS

Well I have a couple of post going on right now. I just got home from being out with a friend of mine and I have been drinking quiet heavily tonight. So I am very sorry for any bad spelling or grammer.

Well as of right now I havent spoken to the W in about a week. I miss her alot but I am giving her what she asked for, TIME. She hasnt writen me or wont take my calls. All was doing ok until a family member on her side basically told her that she was screwing up. Now she wont speak to me. I havent tried to talk to her sience Friday of last week. I am giving her space that she needed. I will call this weekend to see how the kids are doing, no R talk only children talk.

So I guess I will have to wait and see. I just dont understand her. I went out tonight and met alot of beautiful and nice women and all I could think about was my W and two boys. She is really messing up because she wont find anyone better than me. I love her and my boys more than words can discribe.

I guess I am just heart broken and I will get over it I hope. Hopefully the wife will get through what ever she needs to before I give up all together. She really is giving up the best thing for her and the two boys. But she will have to figure it out for her self.

Talk to you later, Danny

BUMP

Hey all. Today is much like yesterday but with out the alcohol.

So Im going to call the W tomorrow and talk with the kids. I wont bring up any R talk and only talk about it if she brings it up.

Do you all think that this is a good plan? What else could I do?

Talk to you all later

If you really want to read some interresting stuff, find Mortarmans threads starting last year and read his story. He was deployed and his W left and lived with OM for a while. Now after many months they are getting back together. You could learn a lot from seeing how he did things.

I hope you are doing well considering what is going on.

Ss

I must have just missed your last post.

If she says she doesn't want to talk, back off some. Talk about the kids, or other things that she needs help with. Money matters, kids school projects, things you figure she will talk about that are neutral. From time to time ask her if she is ready to let you talk about her. If she ever says yes, or asks what kind of things, mention some that are safe. Is she getting enough sleep, has her health been good. Are the kids driving her crazy. Is she doing OK at work. This is where your plan A comes in. You think about this stuff when you have time and take notes so you don't mess up on the phone.

I would continue to e-mail her like a journal if you figure you can get away with it. Your feelings, what happens to you from day to day. You know her best, if it bugs her than don't but many gals would like the attention even after they say they don't. See what you can get away with.

At this point you should be figuring out what you can do - not thinking about what you can't. e-mail the kids daily if she says to stop mailing her. Send them books, you could even record yourself reading to them and send the tape and the book. Ask W to show the pictures while the tape plays. I suspect you are at least as bright as me - you suggest some. There are many things you can do to fill her love bank from where you are, don't give up.

And yes, I think calling to talk about the kids is a good idea. Be careful if she brings up R. Sometimes they like to start a fight to so they can feel good about their decision to leave you. don't fall for that stuff. If she says things that push your buttons, beg off and hang up.

SS

<small>[ March 07, 2003, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I know this is hard.

Don't give up on you, you can do more than you think.

SS

Hey SS

Dont worry I havent given up, spirits are down but Im still moving forward.

I have backen way off, almost like a plan B. I was just emailing her little messages once a day and even that according to her was to much pressure. So it seams they were working to me because I had her thinking to much about me. So now that she has asked for some time she doesnt have to think about me.

SO I havent spoken to her in about 10 days. Im going to call today but only to talk to the boys. I will sound up beat and happier, and if she asks about me I will tell her the things that I have been doing for myself. I wont talk about her or how much I miss her. I want her to maybe feel like I am slipping away.

My only concern with that is what if this is what she wants. What if she sees me moving away and says to her self that if he doesnt want it anymore than why should I. I dont know, this is very tuff. I hate playing games like this. I honestly belive that she still loves me, she is just really hurt and confused right now.

Hope your weekend is going better than mine. I will talk to you soon.

Take Care,
Danny

Hey SS

I just read Mortarmans post. ALL OF THEM. IT took me about four hours of reading. WOW is he not the Iron Man. I cant belive how strong he is.

It gave me some hope but in the same breath scares the hell out of me. You see, it seamed like he went through hell and still came out on top. But you see he was atleast there being able to work on things with his S. Me being over here I really have no hope. I am out of sight and out of mind. I will be two easy to forget.

I dont know, maybe my spirits are really down right now.

Like I said I havent spoken to W in about 10 days and I think she is liking that. I havent heard a word about her not even through family. I know she is stil in a fog, or is she maybe this really is it. I have some doubts becasue some of her actions when I was home but I really dont know. This really sucks. Not sure what to do?

I want to call but yet I dont. Becasue right now Im not hurting to bad but yet if she blows me off again totally I will go back into my depression. So once again what do I do.

I talk to the boys last monday and would love to talk to them again but I really dont want to talk to the W. Well I do but I dont want to get hurt again.

Sorry for being so down, I hate sundays

Danny

Hey All

Well I called my boys last night. They broke my heart well at least my little on did than.

He keeped asking me if I was at nanas and when I was coming to get him. Than once I made sure he knew I was in Germany he keep asking me when I was coming home. This really is starting to suck.

I talked to my oldest boy too. It was like our normal conversationns, how is school no names on the board be good for your mom.

Than the W got on the phone she said about ten words to me and I said arouond four words and I hung up. So I think it went pretty good. I made it sound like I was in a good mood and all. I felt very sad that it was so short but I wasnt going to be the one to go out on a limb.

But than I wake up this morning and check my email. My oldest son (through his mom) wrote me. Asking when they get to go riding (dirt bikes) and when I was coming home. He also wrote that he missed me very much and loved me. This is really starting to hurt me. I miss them so much.

So I wrote him back telling him that I am working on getting home and I was going to call his uncle to take them riding. I also told them that I loved him more than anything and I was sorry that I wasnt there for him.

Do you think that I did the right things. I really wanted to talk to my W but I felt like not talking is the best thing. Im going to call her again tonight because we need to discuse some things about the oldest sixth birthday coming up on the 23rd of this month. Or should I just email her about it.

This is so hard and is going to take alot of life out of me. You know she can make it so much easier on all of us if she would just stop being so stuborn.

Well I have to get to work. Talk with you soon.

Dan

This really is starting to suck .I talked to my oldest boy too. It was like our normal conversations, how is school no names on the board be good for your mom.
It's good that you call and talk to them. Caring about your family is usually important to the W. Keep doing stuff like this.

Than the W got on the phone she said about ten words to me and I said around four words and I hung up. So I think it went pretty good. I made it sound like I was in a good mood and all. I felt very sad that it was so short but I wasn't going to be the one to go out on a limb.
That is also good that you sounded happy. It was partly your feelings about being in Germany that drove you apart before now. Showing that you can make things work even when the chips are down will be a help for you - that your attitude can be good even when things are bad.

But than I wake up this morning and check my email. My oldest son (through his mom) wrote me. Asking when they get to go riding (dirt bikes) and when I was coming home. He also wrote that he missed me very much and loved me.
If she didn't care, do you think she would pass this kind of thing on to you? I don't think she would. I believe her feelings come through in his message too. She won't admit it, and you shouldn't bring it up, but I would almost bet these are her feelings.

This is really starting to hurt me. I miss them so much. So I wrote him back telling him that I am working on getting home and I was going to call his uncle to take them riding. I also told them that I loved him more than anything and I was sorry that I wasn't there for him. Do you think that I did the right things.
Yes, I think you did the right things. Keep doing them. Be the very best dad you can be. Keep thinking about it, try new stuff. Make those kids happy. Show you care.

I really wanted to talk to my W but I felt like not talking is the best thing. I'm going to call her again tonight because we need to discuss some things about the oldest sixth birthday coming up on the 23rd of this month. Or should I just email her about it.
I recommend you e-mail her and ask if you can call about the B-day. If she says yes, you get a free conversation WITH HER EXPRESS PERMISSION.
Be careful what you say when you call, but I bet she will say yes, go ahead and call.

This is so hard and is going to take allot of life out of me. You know she can make it so much easier on all of us if she would just stop being so stubborn.
Remember she has been badly hurt by this. Perhaps it's not all your fault, but she is hurt.
Permit her to have these feelings. Help her get over them. Treat this like she had cancer, and is getting over it. Show her your tender loving side. Be gentile, loving and kind. We know you are hurt too, but for now, you have to do the work if you want your M back.

One more thing. If I remember right, she has told you not to say you love her. You can still get around things like this if you are careful. Try this:

I know you told me not to say I love you any more. I want to say it badly, but will honor your wishes and not say it right now. I really want to though.

You can still make deposits, you have to be sly, and sneaky, but you can. That's part of the game, often they want to be won back, no matter what they say. Try it and see how it goes.

Danny, remember there is a lot you can do. I don't know what branch of the service you are in but if you have had survival training they teach that most people who fail to survive do not fail because of the elements, it is because they give up. Don't' give up.

SS

Hi SS thanks for the boost today. I wish I could tell you some good new s but I cant.

My PMA is dangerously low today. I have been doing nothing but thinking about some very good times we had and some bad ones too. I miss them so much. My wife, my boys and my lab. Today Im not angery just very sad and lonely.

I wrote to my W about the Birth Day party. Here is what I wrote and what she wrote back :

Good evening
Hey what do you plan on doing for Travis Birth Day. I know you will make his Birth Day very special and if I can help in any way just let me know.

Also what did you get him for his Birth Day. I was thinking if you want we can go into a x-box or PS2 together and I can send him his games home. I cant think of anythng to get the little guy.

If you want to talk about it I can call you so you dont have to pay for it. Have a good night and I hope you sleep well.

Dan
This is what she wrote back :

I dont think he needs us spending that much money on him right now. He doesnt take care of the CD's, all of his PS1 CD's are scratched and barely play. I am thinking about getting him a skateboard or something. And as far as the party, I dont know yet. Nothing fancy. And you need to talk to your mom. I dont really want to get together with your side of the family again. Time to cut the cord. They can have him for the afternoon if they want or something.

I will talk to you about it again soon...off to work

Wife

I dont know but it seams very cold. She knows that this is the first time missing Travis Bday. To me it sounds like she is really serious about it being over. Over here I have no chanse at making this work. Maybe its just my negative attitude right now.

How can she change her feelings for me so quickly. Just in Dec I know for a Fact that she still loved me and missed me dearly. I could see it in her eyes that she wasnt happy. I guess today I am just having a very bad day. Can someone please give me a boost.

Talk to ya soon I need to go and cry

Danny,
It's going to be like this. We don't know, and we won't for a while. She does sound could, she feels cold, she is cold. It takes a lot of work to warm things up again.

If you can spend your time thinking ( and reading about, and writing about) what you will do to try and fix it, you will be happier. Reminising won't help, this part needs a man of action, and that has got to be you. Always find something nice and supportive to say in your mail.

Wish I were there to help you.

Thanks for all you do for the kids.

So glad you are taking care of them.

It's nice to know you are there since I can't be.

Sorry you are so set on ending this, wish you
would give me a chance, but I don't mean to bug you about it, sorry.

Hug him for me on his birthday, I wish I could be there.

Please tell them I love them, it hurts to be away from all of you.

Danny,
find some way to support her, give her love and admiration. It took me a while to figure this out, you don't have to wallow around like I did.

Sure she has problems, sure she ought to be better, but she is too weak. Help her out, give her strength, show her how it ought to be. Do it by example. Figure out what you want her to be, and be that yourself.

Remember MM's post again, and remember where he is now. It took a long time, and it was hard, but he did it. You can too.

SS