Hi

My Story is a little different. I fell in love (against my better judgement) with a woman who had been separated for 2 years. Her husband left her for another woman with two babies and the divorce was in progress. We are both christians and everything about us was perfect, except that she wasn't single.

We met because my christian CD's were stolen in a robbery, there were so many "divine" things about us meeting and that we have in common that I just can't explain them all.

Anyway, after almost 2 years she just couldn't let me into that "place" and I never felt right until the divorce was final. We were intimate but that wasn't the heart of our relationship, it was helping each other through prayer etc.

I decided to let her go, to give her to God. Right away the husband decided he wanted to give it another chance, and she said yes. Where does this leave me? He is not a christian and several people who know him better than I say there is no real change.

I feel convicted of my sin and my relationship with God is growing but I feel that I am to wait and be ready for it not working out. Is this OK?

KARS:

Well, I would say that, if you want to wait, then wait. But don't INTERFERE. They're M'd, whether it was a good M or not. Even if it wasn't a good one, there must be something there for her to still want to try with him after 2 years apart. Stand back, let them work to find that out without you "waiting in the wings." That would be the most loving thing you could do for her right now.

-Qfwfq

I wouldn’t say you have been convicted of anything except being human. While we are subject to the consequences of our sins on earth we are not judged for them or convicted of them in this life. We’ll all answer that call later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is not a christian and several people who know him better than I say there is no real change.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you are getting at here but don’t go there. No one knows what Gods plan is for this man or the example his W might set for him.

At this point I would agree wait if you want too. (I wouldn’t) But if you do anything don’t you dare tell her your waiting. You’ll become a wedge in the M, giving her a fall back. Knowing someone is in the wings could rob her of the extra effort she might need to make it work.

Be a friend and do what you said you would do. Give her and the situation to God.

Oz

Thank you, that is what I am doing. I am trying not interfering in any way, it was my decision that we could not even be friends but this is so hard.

I want to clarify that it was her that had the two babies, whom I have been loving and have been deeply involved with building their character for two years. They are now 4 and 6 and wonderful boys who need a "real" father who loves his wife.

I fear that he is not sincere, but only God knows men's hearts. I still love her very much and I will wait for her until I know that I shouldn't. I just wanted to know if there is anyone out there who has had a similar experience.

I never would have started the relationship if I thought that there was a chance of reconciliation. Neither would she have, we really did love each other. Now there is the prodding of his family, her guilt, her insecurity, and the boys that is influencing her. I don't know if she still loves him, if she does I don't think it is a healthy love. More like a dependent kind. Bottom line, she is still married and it is a sin for me to covet another man's wife, so I am the odd man out. I ask that any of you who will to pray for me and K.

Thank You

KARS,

The simple truth is that she is and was married. You are the "Other Man" (OM). It's not up to you to decide if her husband is good for her or if you could be a better or more appropriate husband than he is.

I've been on the other side of it.

I suspect that the woman you had an affair with didn't tell you the truth.

You seem to think that because you are a christian (and have christain CD's) you can have an affair with any woman who says she's a christian and her husband isn't. That's a new one on me! What do you believe? - that if a woman is married to a non-christian, the marriage isn't "real" and she is fair game for an affair with a "christian"? Please site chapter and verse for that idea. I don't think you'll find it.

Your post is quite muddled. The christian/non-christian status is a non-issue. You are using it to cover your own guilt.

The advice that is given here usually is that you should never have any contact or communication with her for the rest of your life.

In short, Stay away from her forever! Any contact that she has with you is a betrayal of her marriage vows.

Do what is right, brother! Forget about her and go find a single lady to pursue.

-AD

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

It is very normal to want to wait in the wings and even hope that the marriage not work out (through no additional fault of your own).

But what would the godly thing to do be? What would be ideal for her, her H and her babies? I would suggest that it would be for them to restore the marriage relationship to an appropriate level. And the best way for you to contribute to that happening is to keep it "off" with her without the expectation of having someone in the wings. That "waiting in the wings" is a block both for her and her husband. And FWIW, OMs in general tend to have a very skewed perspective on the viability of a M

It's also a block for you in developing a relationship that would probably be more pleasing in God's eyes. You may want to set up rules of protection for yourself, so that you don't find yourself in similar situtations with married women in the future.

Kars,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">there were so many "divine" things about us meeting and that we have in common that I just can't explain them all.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're familiar with the Enemy, the great counterfeiter, right? He can appear as an Angel of Light, he can make things appear divine.

While my H & I were separated the 5th time, about 16 months after his PA began, I met a great guy. One of the first things the OM said to me was a quote from scripture. For awhile, I thought he was a gift from God, an answer to prayer. But, I was married and he was just a nice guy, searching for a mate.

God really isn't pulling for you in this relationship, He's pulling for the marriage. God hates divorce, He allows it because of adultery, which the woman committed with you, no matter what her H was doing.

You did the right thing in letting her go, her marriage does have a chance and she has chosen to try.

As did I. My marriage is completely recovered after nearly 3 years, my H & I are in love, we're happy.

I'd suggest you go live your life and not be a safety net for this woman. If she & her H divorce, THEN maybe you have a place at her side, but at this point, you have about the same chances having a future with her as any relationship that has started as an extramarital affair, about 3% successfully together after 5 years.

You don't want to be among the reasons she divorces. You can't just be her friend, you lost that priviledge when you had sex with her.

KARS -
I never felt right until the divorce was final. We were intimate but that
wasn't the heart of our relationship, it was helping each other through prayer etc.

I decided to let her go, to give her to God.

I feel convicted of my sin and my relationship with God is growing but I feel that I am to wait and be ready for it not working out. Is this OK?

This was your part in the relationship - inapproprite extramarital sex, remorse, letting go and then wondering if you should hang around for leftovers.

Love, true love in Christ, means letting go of a married woman who is obviously trying to make it happen with her husband. True love doesn't judge the husband and wish he'll fail so you can be ready to pick up her life. You should be praying that her marriage is healed and that you can find some one appropiate for you to love in God's will.

Lets look at some relevent scripture, since you're saying you're a Christian - as am I. And know that I telling you this, not out of anger or judgement, but because I love you and want you to prosper in your relationship with God, before you prosper in any other relationship. Obedience to His word is not negotiable. My Wife comes second in my love life with Jesus. Your love life with this woman should have NEVER happened, not physically at least. God does not put people together in "divine" circumstances so that they can be immoral.

Here's an obvious rebuke -
Hebr. 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

She wasn't single and you violated the marriage bed. In essence she had a revenge affair against her husband and you were the OM in her affair.

OUCH! I know that hurts because you are in love and think that love transcends all.That loving someone is all important and the technicalities of a divorce decree shouldn't interfere. Love does not transcend God's truth (it is the heart of his truth) and that's why you are being honest and saying you feel convicted by God of your sin. You had sex outside marriage - divorce or not - its immoral.

Hanging around waiting for failure is not a good option. Move on with your life and let God strengthen you to do right rather than

she said yes. Where does this
leave me?

She said yes to her husband and no to you. She made the righteous choice in God's will.

You are trying to say two wrongs make a right here. You had an immoral relationship and now your trying to say God wants you to wait for it to continue? There's no logic here, just raw emotion and that doesn't justify your action.

A few more verses -

Matt. 19:5 and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ?

Matt. 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Just to be fair the next verse says that a person can divorce only for infidelity, but it certainly is not God's desire. Here's his true thought on divorce -

Mal. 2:15 Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

Mal. 2:16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

That's what God thinks about divorce and this is what he thinks about wives of non-Christians -

1Pet. 2:25 For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

1Pet. 3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

1Pet. 3:2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

The OW in your relationship has chosen to do what God commands and what you contributed was to destroy her purity and reverence. Harsh but true.

Finally lets look at what love truly is -

1Cor. 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

1Cor. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1Cor. 13:6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1Cor. 13:7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1Cor. 13:8 Love never fails.

Love does not seek it own - That means you should have no part what so ever in the OW's life, especially if she's chosen to try and honor her marriage vow.

God Bless you brother - I pray that God will heal your broken heart and set you in a better place. He will provide for you - don't seek his provision on your own outside His will.

KARS,

A few things led me to reply to your post:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KARS:
<strong>
there were so many "divine" things about us meeting and that we have in common that I just can't explain them all.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I forgot what my wife called these "divine" things about her and OM, but she experienced them as well. According to her "they would feel the same thing at the same exact time." Funny, looking through our writings when she and I first met, we had our own "divine" things as well. Even funnier is that lately we've been having these "divine" things again, for instance, yesterday she and I were thinking of the same person at the same time. Does she notice them? Of course not, she is so into the OM, she probably dismisses them as coincidences. So which is it, are these "divine" messages trying to tell her she belongs with him or with me? I hope you get the point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KARS:
<strong>
I want to clarify that it was her that had the two babies, whom I have been loving and have been deeply involved with building their character for two years. They are now 4 and 6 and wonderful boys who need a "real" father who loves his wife.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First, let me say, stay out of raising them! It is not your job. You will never be their father. I'm sorry if this hurts, I don't have another way of putting it. Even if their father is not "real" as you put it, he still is their father. You are quick to judge the man, but have you walked in his shoes? Maybe he is the most horrible human being, but still you do not know him and you certainly have no right to judge him as a husband or father. More than likely all you know about him is from his disillusioned wife. One sided. Give the man a chance.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AD:
<strong>
told him that our marriage was "just on paper".
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly the words my W told our son. What kills me about this comment is that I don't want my son believing that marriage is just a piece of paper. He said to me, "mommy said that you are only married on paper and she will change that." KARS, read all you can about affairs and learn about "the fog."

KARS,

I am very sorry you are in this situation. It must be very hard. When you got involved with her, did you know she was married or did you learn of it afterwards? If you did not know then she lied to you, plain and simple. If you did, what were you thinking?

Don't use religion or God as a shield. We all are responsible for our own actions. We must face the consequences. I know you are hurting but the best you can do at this point is truly turn to God, let her go FOREVER, and I mean FOREVER and like Qfwfq said, do not interfere. Oftentimes we think we are helping when we are actually making things worse. I've learned this the hard way. Repent of your sin, there is time. God is merciful. Let go, really let go. If you really RESPECT and HONOR her, let her go back to where she belongs, no matter what the cost is.

Be well and I apologize if I offended you in any way. Sometimes, harsh posts shake us up and let us see things more clearly. That is my intention.

KARS -

While posting on another thread I came across this verse that is very relevent to your situation -

1Cor. 7:13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

Nuff said?

Quote:
"You seem to think that because you are a christian (and have christain CD's) you can have an affair with any woman who says she's a christian and her husband isn't. That's a new one on me! What do you believe? - that if a woman is married to a non-christian, the marriage isn't "real" and she is fair game for an affair with a "christian"? Please site chapter and verse for that idea. I don't think you'll find it."

1 Corinthians 7:12-15, NIV.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is WILLING to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is WILLING to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. BUT IF THE UNBELIEVER LEAVES, LET HIM DO SO. A BELIEVING MAN OR WOMAN IS NOT BOUND IN SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES: GOD HAS CALLED US TO LIVE IN PEACE.

Looks to me as if he left her to be with another woman.. Says pretty clearly she was not bound to him while you were with her. So there is no reason for you to feel guilt. There is never any guarantee that any relationship will work, or that a person you are seeing will not go back to another love.

You will see many people on here who try to take scripture and twist it to defend what they want to believe regarding relationships. And yet God says not to worry.. Do they worry? God says if they leave, let them go.. do they let them go? God says to love your enemy.. do they love the WS new love interest? They only pick out what fits their situation and ignore what he says about worry, anxiousness, etc.

Now having said that, you will see people on here who are going to try and defend the marriage, even though that scripture is very clear about this issue.

Quit beating yourself up... It doesn't matter whether you were married or she was married or whatever the circumstances.. Let her go.. She may or may not come back to you, but since she chose to go back, then accept it as it is and learn to be a happy person with or without a relationship.

KeepinMvn4wrd,

I agree that the scripture says that she may divorce her unbelieving husband if he leaves her, but nowhere does it say that she can have an affair before she divorces him.

Still, I agree with your recommendation for KARS.
KARS needs to move on with his life.

Btw. ...

KARS? You still around?

-AD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Keepmvn4wrd:
<strong>Quote:
BUT IF THE UNBELIEVER LEAVES, LET HIM DO SO. A BELIEVING MAN OR WOMAN IS NOT BOUND IN SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES: GOD HAS CALLED US TO LIVE IN PEACE.

Looks to me as if he left her to be with another woman.. Says pretty clearly she was not bound to him while you were with her. So there is no reason for you to feel guilt. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect, keepmvn4wrd, you are doing exactly what you are criticizing other people of doing and that is "twisting" scripture to defend your beliefs.

The above passage does not say it is ok to have an affair because her husband had one. Doing that is lowering herself to his level. The above passage does not approve having an affair because the husband left with another woman. What the W should have done is divorce her husband (some believe the Bible allows this in the case of adultery) and THEN explore the R with KARS. Even the science of psychology tells you to wait a while AFTER the divorce before you embark in a new relationship. Plainly and simply she did the same exact thing her husband did and that is break her marriage vows. There is absolutely no justification for it.

The Bible in no way shape or form justifies affairs under ANY circumstances, not even in the above passage. An affair is an affair and having sex with a person other than your spouse is called an affair EVEN if your spouse is non christian or is having an affair himself.

KARS?

I know you thought your situation is unique, was it jarring to discover it is not?

With 26000+ MB posters, it is difficult to find a unique situation.

Has this discussion brought you to any different conclusion?

Thank you all.

First to clarify. Yes I am a christian, in the beginning I told her that we couldn't be any more than just friends and I supported her reconciliation with her H, even though he was still with the other woman. We prayed about it and I was hesitant to become involved since they were still married, but she insisted that it was over.

However, she was also praying about it and believed with all her heart that God had sent me into her life. My prayers told me that I was to "wait" but that she was also the one that God had chosen for me, just not right then. I was supposed to help her become a stronger christian.

Anyway, we didn't wait. I fell in love with her for so many reasons but I knew it wasn't right. I knew that she was someone else's wife but I thought (flesh) that as soon as the divorce was final we could start fresh. The guilt I felt all along was huge, and I even broke it off once, but we kept ending up back in the relationship. We were basically best friends that took it too far with good intentions but against God's will (though this is hard to see if you are backsliding).

My dilemna is this; I have REALLY been praying and reading the word (I have read all of the above) and I KNOW that I am to stay away and give the marriage a chance. I do pray for God to open his heart and let love fill their marriage. However, I strongly believe through God speaking to me in prayer and leading me to 2 Thes 1:, answered physical sign (after reading about Gideon I humbly asked for confirmation of what I was understanding) and several other instances that God is telling me to prepare myself to be a christian husband and father. I do not know when, or how, or why, but I am to obey. I am to lead my life in a manner that brings honor and glory to His name.

So, God may very well be using "All things to work for the good of those who believe" Rom 8:28 here. We did sin, I have repented, I have come back to my first love, and I am ready to accept whatever He has in store for me. But I am not to covet another man's wife. I am to be content in growing in my relationship with Him and trust.

Does God reveal the future to some? The bible is full of examples but this one is perplexing to me, because in order for this to happen there must be bad that is going to happen in their marriage. Maybe He is bringing her back to Him too? I don't know any more than He has revealed to me. I have prayed continuously for the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the truth, to destroy false messages, etc. I feel at peace with this but when I doubt I am full of anxiety, doubt and fear.

I obeyed the first message, that I was to let her go and give her to God. Only then did her H say he wanted to reconcile. If there is a marriage there then that is great for her, the kids, and the family. I will wait, but not in the wings. I will get on with my life in serving God. What He is telling me doesn't bring any harm to anyone, necessitates a big change in my life for the good, and will allow me to be a better example of Christ to everyone.

Any more advice please?

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 11:32 AM: Message edited by: KARS ]</small>

KARS,

Thanks for coming back - even when you are getting so much criticism.

I'm no great theologian, but I'll give me my opinion on the general question of "finding God's will" for your life.

Many people struggle with the question "What is God's will for my life". That is a good thing, in my opinion. Where they make a mistake (again, this is my opinion) is looking for a specific plan for their life. God gave us, through the Bible, much universal or general guidance for life. I believe that for most of us, this is enough. When God says "do this" and we say, "well, give me the entire plan first" we are not acting in faith. First we need to act in faith by following God's universal plan - which applies equally to all. Then, perhaps, he might give us some specific, personal plan.

God has said to you (along with us all) "Do not commit adultry." and you reply "But God, she's so nice. Please tell me your plan. Can she be my wife anyway? Can you kill her husband so that I can have her?"

Trust God. Follow his path. He may then reveal more to you. But... there is no guarantee of comfort or pleasure in this life. Some of us will always be lonely, many will be poor, many will be sick. We are not promised an ideal life on this earth. But I believe that God's path through life is the best life for each of us individually.

Just my two bits.

-AD

KARS,
I have another prayer suggestion, when I was in doubt about reconciling with my H, or if the OM was "the one", I asked God to send me the man He intended for me, and close the doors to all others.

Throughout the following months, the positives about my H increased, the OM disappeared from my life and I could "see" much more clearly.

The timing for your relationship is not right and either did not come from God or, with your sinning, went astray from His purpose. Let it go.

God has a plan for you and it is not breaking up even a troubled marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lor (Lor):
<strong>
God has a plan for you and it is not breaking up even a troubled marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, He has a plan for each of us but first we have to find Him, really, really look for Him and find Him. Jesus is your way to God. Keep praying.

Another way of saying that God hates divorce is saying that "God does not want any marriage to fail." To me, Kars, God is not breaking up their M because you are meant for her and she for you. Nor is God asking you to stand by just in case their M fails because remember that her affair with you could be one of the reasons why this M fails.

My W also told me that God put OM in her path because he is the one, the true one for her. She "hated" the fact that he came her way while married to me. I am going to ask you the same thing I asked her, I know you are hurting but do you believe God will allow pain to be inflicted on her husband and her kids just so that she and you are happy? God does not hurt people, especially children, so that others may be happy.

Be well.

I agree.

I guess I just wanted to vent my feelings. You are all correct. They are married, I committed adultery, I have REALLY been searching for and I have found God again. It is time to move on.

In summary, I believe God had a plan and I didn't follow it. I don't know what the result would have been if I had. I believe He knew we would do what we did, and nothing happens by "accident" to those who believe. I believe that we could be very happy and have a Christ based marriage if she were single, but she is not and never was. I believe God wants the marriage to work, but there are no guarantees. Only God knows people's hearts. I believe I have a lot of things to change in my life in order to please God and be more like Christ. I have been called and justified, now I am being sanctified. It is a hard road but one I will gladly follow.

I still love her and the boys very much, but she doesn't belong to me. I have let her go but I WILL BE READY if God places her back in my life. He abandoned her to raise their kids when they were very young and stayed away for more than 2 more years with the other W. I need to stop resenting him so much for hurting her. If he hurts her again it will be her choice what to do and I can't interfere, but I can pray for the marriage and still pray that if something happens I will be there for her. All I ever wanted was to love her and the kids the way they needed to be loved.

I am 40 yrs old and I have never married. I need to accept that maybe I never will.

I am sorry that I didn't follow His will. Sin is VERY destructive and sometimes the consequences are severe. BUT, I WAS there for her through all of this until her H came back and I did try to lead her closer to God (even praying for her H with her many times). I believe that God can cause good to result even though we are not directly in His will. Sometimes it is painful.

There is so much more but you get the jist. I am feeling the pain and loss of losing someone that I loved more than anyone I had ever met, but she was never mine to lose. I wanted to be the one to bring happiness and joy back into her life but I tried to do it my way instead of obeying. God knows my heart and my real intentions, I am foregiven. I have grieved the Holy Spirit but what I did I did out of love. I never wanted to cause harm to anyone.

I will be all right. Please pray for K, the boys, and her H, that their lives will be full of love and that they will heal from all of this.

God Bless you all.

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: KARS ]</small>

KARS -

I did try to lead her closer to God (even praying for her H with her many times). I believe that God can cause good to result even though we are not directly in His will. Sometimes it is painful.

You are absolutely right that God can cause great things to happen when we sin. But the sin is never part of what is great. What is great is that He continues to be true to His word and His word continues to be the best guide for lives , no matter what.
You can not be "not directly " in His will. Its either in or out. "Sometimes its painful" Sin is always painful. Don't blame God for that.

My W's affair was , as my MC says "Wrong, dead wrong!". But in the aftermath of the A, great things have come to our marriage, our children, our love life, and our fellowship with Him and other Christians.

But the A was never part of His plan. He worked past and through it. His truth never waivered.

When you got involved with a married woman, even before sex, you were having an emotional affair with her. Despite your "good" intentions to help love her and her boys, you crossed the line when she began to want to spend more time with you then her husband. You said you prayed for her husband with her. Be careful for what you ask if you don't want the answer. Your prayers were answered to some degree and that made you feel like the "odd man out"
I know her husband wasn't even in the picture, but obviously he was in her heart or she wouldn't have gone back to him.

Th whole bit about asking God for a physical sign is so dangerous. You were asking God for a sign when you were in complete denial of His written truth. You seem to have been looking for a sign so that you could be exempt from His Word.

The lord of this earth, Satan, is a powerful being and he can answer your request for a sign as well as God. So don't expect to ask for a sign from God that is clearly out of His written will. If you expect Him to rewrite history and His divine plan for you, you're lucky the sign wasn't a bolt from above that parted the two sides of your brain.

Satan will often make things look like they are all falling into place so that we can justify our sins, saying that everything seems to be going well. That's the deceiver's best form. Read all the threads in the infidelity recovery board and you will see that every WS thought things were going well and falling into place in the beginning of their affairs. Then they woke up to a nightmare.

I think you need to see plainly, that there was NOTHING good in your relationship with another man's wife.

If you really cared for her, you could have connected her to many resources that would have helped her. If you wanted to love her children, then you should have never given them the example of adultery to follow. If you wanted to care for her, you should have directed her into a healthy relationship with a Christian women's care group. And then you should have walked away.