I had to log in under a new name because I forgot my password at work. Now I am at home.

PLEASE, I know what you are all saying. I have read many of the other messages here and I realize how destructive this whole mess is.

First of all, let any of you who is without sin cast the first stone. I am NOT trying to justify continuing in a relationship with her. I love her and care for her but I have given her to God. Please re-read my message without the bias of your own pain.

I can see why so many of you can be angry, but please don't be angry at me.

When I entered the picture (2 years after he left)I DID tell her to reconcile with her H. I DID give her scripture and books to help her with things. What I also later did is allow the flesh to convince the spirit that it was OK, because he had abandoned her, was lying to her, was blaming her for his adultery, did not want to hear about God, etc. etc. The intimacy I never wanted but once it started it was hard to say no even though I knew better. I wanted it to be much more than that.

What I did was wrong, but I am human, 40 years old and I have never married, I have never had someone love me like you all have even if it isn't true today. At least be glad that someone once loved you enough to marry you. I wrongly believed that once the divorce was final we could have a good marriage. We have been neighbors for 6 years and didn't know each other before this. (not any more) Being neighbors made it even more difficult. I WAS NOT intentionally trying to break up their marriage. I even told her on several occaisions that she should go back to him and try to reconcile even though that is not what I wanted. She insisted NO.

If you want to cast stones here, cast it at our own human weakness. Thanks to the grace of God we can overcome but never 100% while we are in the flesh.

I HAVE let her go and I DO pray for them. I went to see my pastor today and he confirmed that what I did I did not do out of bad intentions. SO WHY DO YOU ALL WANT TO KILL ME?

If anything, realize that there are other parties out there that suffer due to infidelity in marriage, even though they did not start it.

All I ever wanted was to love her. So kill me.

KARS (and KARS II),

You have been very persistant to keep coming back here in the face of strong criticism.

Nobody wants to kill you.

It's easy to fall into a situation like yours. In fact, it takes a lot of strength and perhaps wisdom to stay out of it when such a situation presents itself.

I did read your posts and I understand that you have accepted the fact that you must give her up.

I think you are probably a fine man and will make somebody a fine husband. I hope you are able to find that somebody - and even that it is not a divorced woman but one who has never married - so that you don't have to deal with the complexities of an ExH in the picture. You deserve such a chance.

-AD

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Kars,
I've got 3 posts to you, none of which are geared toward killing you. I can't throw stones because I've been in similar shoes...but I don't view saying truth as throwing stones.

You love her. Ok.

But it wasn't divine, it can't be, because God doesn't arrange for new partners while we're still married.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I went to see my pastor today and he confirmed that what I did I did not do out of bad intentions. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And that is much better than having bad intentions, but you know the old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Good intentions don't over rule dishonorable behavior or sin. And yes, you've repented.

The next step is go and sin no more, remember? And so, some of us are pushing you to forget someone who still means a lot to you. Hopefully you will come to a place where you can accept that it was wrong, yet changed you and showed you a view of what love may be with the right person.

I wish you well and am sorry you feel attacked here.

KARS -

I never meant to throw a stone. I love that story of Jesus and the stone throwing hypocrites. It was the best story for me when I had to face the initial pain of my W's A. I'm not, however, bringing "My pain" into all this. I simply said what I know to be true from God's word, not my word.

I do care for you and I CAN see how hurt your feelings are. You have made the assumption here that we all knew your whole story before you posted it. We answered to what we knew about. You kept adding details that "seemed", to many, to be a defense of sin. I can see now that your heart is in the right place.

God will honor your unconditional love , your sacrificial love for this woman if you continue to obey what God makes clear. God can provide a loving, beautiful wife for you. Even at 40.

I too am glad that you keep coming back for more here. Hopefully a little love trickles in here at the end. You probably had no idea so many people had such strong opiniions, but I read these posts and what I see is an underlying desire to clear the fog out of your mind so that you can live the sweetest life that God has in store for you and nothing else.

Write us back and tell us how God is working in your life. I know He is and He will be looking out for you and meeting the desires of your heart as long as you trust in Him first. God bless you brother.

Thank You.

Yes I have learned a lot here. The biggest of which is the amount of pain out there caused by infidelity.

I am trying to see how I may be able to be of help to others. Maybe I need to write about how we ended up in this situation in the first place. I do know both her and myself very well and I have what I believe to be pretty good insights into how and why this came to be. Maybe my whole story would help someone else out there stay out of the pit we fell into.

I will pray more about it.

Anyway, my eyes have been opened and there is a peace in my heart, but it still hurts.

I will check back later.

In Christ,

KARS

I have a few questions:

1. Should I contact her H and apologize and ask for foregiveness or just leave it alone? He appreciates everything I did for her when he was gone and she says he is OK with me.

2. I haven't seen her for 3 weeks but we are supposed to meet for a coffee sometime. I believe this may very well be the last time I see her and I just want us both to be at peace with things. We both know that what she is doing is God's will but I think we need to tell each other that our feelings were genuine but it just wasn't right. I also want to tell her in person that we can't have any further contact and explain why. I even thought it might be a good idea if her H came and sat at a different table. (our relationship was mostly an EA, not a PA)

3. Her parents and I have a good relationship and they really want me to stay a part of their lives. Is this a good idea? She and her H don't go there very much because there is a great chasm between the H and the Parents. They are not christians but they are seeing my faith now and maybe.......?

4. We also have mutual friends. What do I do here?

I want to do the right thing here for everyone involved.

Awaiting your comments.

KARS

KARS -

Sorry I'm taking so long to get back to you, but it's been a long work day.

Should you apologize. Yes, that would be fine, but not if she hasn't told him. It's her job to inform her H that she had an A, not yours. I would not contact her "at all" if she hasn't been truthful with her husband.

Non-contact is a tough one, but necessary for all involved in an A. You sound like you understand this. Contact can come in many forms. Talking with her parents is a form of contact, especially if she's a part of the discussion. Checking up on her through her parents, or mutual acquaintances, is not cool. That's just a mild form of contact, but still contact. You may have been her parents friends, but you need to clear off and leave her family also - rough I know but I'm sure you understand.

Having coffee together? Why? You had an affair. You don't have coffee with the OW after it's over. It's over. If you insist on doing this, her husband should be sitting at the same table when you explain Non contact to her.

Let me tell my story for a moment to explain this. My wife confessed her A to me. She had an A w/my best friend for three years, right under my nose. From the day she confessed the A to me, to this day - over a year, she has not seen his face, nor does she want to. She realizes what she did was evil and any contact with the OM would be evil now. I delivered a hand written letter of Non contact to her. I had my pastor read it to him. Basically it said - "I was wrong in having an affair, I'm disgusted with every moment I spent with you in secret, and I regret every action I took to destroy my marriage and yours. I will never see you again and am trusting God to make my marriage heal and to help my husband love me despite the pain I have caused him." signed Mrs. Adoremywife

I left the church I attended for 25 years and lost most of my friends in the process, in order to have NC. The OM and his family fellowshiped there and were not going to leave. That's how important NC is. Her husband needs to knwo you're going to stay away, so he can't accuse her of still harboring feelings for you, endangering their marriage.

As for mutual friends, all my friends were his friends. I left our church for the sake of NC. But many of my friends there were not such great friends and haven't spoken to me since. I am trusting God to make new friends for me at my new church. It was a huge consequence of my wife's A but Iwas willing to go there to have NC and to be totally focused on our recovery. Give you're friend the same chance.

Now I know that the OW's husband wasn't around to be cheated on in secret and knew full well that you were around taking care of his kids. And from what you tell me he either abandoned them and/or cheated on his wife. But all these circumstances don't change what is right in what you need to do before God. And they don't give you the right to EASE out of the relationship.

You can't stay buddies and give her marriage a chance at the same time. I know you know this, but having coffee with her w/o him there is doing that. You have to just end it.

If you want to confess to him the wrong you did, and tell her you will have "NO" contact with her from now on at the same time, that would be good. She needs to see you're serious and that could only be done safely in her H's presence. You might want to have a pastor along to make sure that emotions don't get out of control and so that you don't say the wrong thing.

We both know that what she is doing is God's will but I think we need to tell each other that our feelings
were genuine but it just wasn't right.

No you don't need to tell her this. It's when you keep saying that WE need to do these things, that I get frustrated and it's that kind of thinking that got you so flamed by everyone's opinion on this board. When an affairs been ended and recognized as wrong in God's eyes, there's no point in sitting across from each other and talking about your "genuine feelings". It just smacks of justification KARS

If the OM wanted to sit with my W and talk about what they had and how it started innocently, how he once loved her innocently, before having sex, do you think I'd stand for that? No way. I'd just assume stove his head in for suggesting they get together again. No Contact.

(our relationship was mostly an EA, not a PA)

An affair is an affair. If you don't think an EA is painful and destructive, go to the recovery board and read abou what EA's did to marriages. Again I "feel" you're trying to minimize the wrong that you did, by always saying things like "my intentions were good." Well my favorite saying about good intentions is "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Your intentions don't justify the poor choice you made and the first poor choice you made was not to have sex, it was have a married woman dependent on you.

If you were not a Christian, I would not be so blunt, but the same Jesus who said ," Let the one without sin throw the first stone". also said this, "Go and SIN no more" He did not condemn the woman, but forgave her, but he sternly warned her to sin no more. His point was that she HAD sinned and He didn't want her to do it again. Why? Because He/God also said, Lev. 20:10 "`If a man commits adultery with another man's wife --with the wife of his neighbor --both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

Jesus did not abolish that law. He himself provided the forgiveness of sins for it. Just because its forgiven doesn't make it all right.

KARS you put yourself in a very bad situation and fell into sin. That was unfortunate. You intended to help out a woman in need, but went too far.

I have often had the desire to help women in need, with fatherless children, but I never do this without my wife involved at all times. Why? Because it's so easy for a woman in need to see you as their savior, fall in love with you, and want you to fulfill sexual needs as well. That would be immoral for any woman, whether she's married or not married to you.

That's what I meant by, "There was nothing good in the relationship." It was doomed from the start because you probably thought you could simply help her out with out her falling in love with you. Why do you think most intelligent pastors (men) refuse to counsel women (married or not) behind closed doors? Because when they impart spiritual healing through their kind words to a woman, that woman often doesn't see God as the healer, comforter, but the pastor. And pastors are human too and can be attracted too.

Her parents and I have a good relationship and they really want me to stay a part of their lives. Is this a good idea?

No because they would be tempted to talk to you about her and possibly take part in disrupting her marriage because they prefer you.

They are not christians but they are seeing my faith now and
maybe.......?

Maybe what? You could evangelize them? That's God's job, not yours. They can see your faith - do they know that you had an affair with their daughter? Is that part of seing your faith? You got yourself into trouble in the first place by trying to be a Christian to someone in the wrong kind of relationship. This would be the same kind of mistake. If you became close with the, you'd be apart of her family, in a way and that's outright contact.

She and her H don't go there
very much because there is a great chasm between the H and the Parents.

Well your being in the picture here isn't going to help this situation. Pray for thsi situation to hel and stay out of it.

KARS - I love you brother, but you just have to see that you are indeed, the "Odd Man Out". Its painful but there can be no other way. If you had had a right relationship with her, then you could still be involved with her family and have casual contact with she and her H. But that is not the case. You caused her to become an adulteress and now she has to work out that problem in her life, in addition to restoring her relationshp with her husband. Their affairs don't cancel each other out and everyone's even. Their both victims of their own sin and they will have to struggle with the painful things they did to themselves and each other for many years to come.

God will fix them if they're willing. But you need to move on completely and look for love in righteous relationships.

Take care and God bless

Kars, let me tell you something. It takes a lot of guts to come here and post your story as an OP. It really does, that's admirable and it says a lot about you. You are really trying to fix the situation. You sound like you know what you have to do but you are having a hard time doing it. It is understandable. I utterly understand. To this day I know exactly what I have to do but I'm having a hard time doing it. Last night I made a mistake, I did something I shouldn't have and two of my closest friends and my sister were very frustrated with me. So believe me, I know it's hard.

You are doing the right thing by giving yourself to Jesus. He is the only way out of your mess. You have to help Him. He loves us so much He has given us free will and that's where you and I HAVE to do the right thing.

Your last post still sounds hopeful of a relationship with this woman. That is normal. These feelings will fade in time, I promise you they will. You just have to realize that and be patient and you just have to not act on them. If you act on them it makes your recovery a lot harder.

KARS, all the advice you are getting here is sound especially from Adoremywife. I urge you to keep posting. Pour your feelings out. You will probably get flamed but so what? Most people mean well and even in flaming posts there is a grain of truth you can gain. By posting here, it helps you to put your feelings in writing and you will feel better.

I feel your pain albeit as a BS. If you were my W's OM you have no idea the types of things I would write to you. But you are not my W's OM and you are a man who can see the damage he's done and has repented, as I said before, that says a lot about you. I'll bet that in a way most BS would like to deal with an OP like you: somebody who willingly stops the affair because he knows it's wrong and somebody who encourages the WS to return to the M and respects that. Your fog is lifting.

Peace to you and be well.

KARS -

I need to add something here after talking to my wife about you. She is the adultress in our marriage, but I don't think of her that way. She is the one that suggested I write to you and add the line "There was NOTHING GOOD in your relationship with the other woman"

Those are the words of a WS not the words of a BS. All the betrayed people here, wallowing in their pain, are sorely tempted to stone you to death when you defend your role in an affair. There is nothing good about it. Nothing. You can't go back and rewrite history and say that the first aprt of it was good and then it went south. No, putting yourself into the life of a married woman, where she would depend on you, a man, is wrong from the first day. It is as wrong as if your intention had been to have sex with her no matter would she needed. It may have been done in ignorance of what was going to happen, but it was still wrong.

I too believe, although I have not gotten your latest reply, that you are still hanging onto this relationship, hoping for a chance to regain it. Should I talk to her? NO! Should I talk to her H? NO! Should I talk to her parents? NO! Should I talk to her mutual friends about her? NO!

In many situations the honorable thing to do when there is no possible way to overcome casual contact with the OW is to move away. My wife gets angry when she hears your excuses and lingering in the relationship. She hates the OM, in our life, more than I do right now. Why? Precisely because he never got this issue of , "It's over, leave me alone" Non contact was not his doing, it was forced upon him and it took our moving away from most of our ffriends and church in order for it to happen.

This needs to be true in you whether the OW sees it our not. If you truly think that her H is o.k. with you being intimate with his wife, you're delusional. No matter what he did to her, what you did is unexcusable and hurtful to him. He did come back and is working on his marriage.

My wife made this point also - you might need to hear it. Yes her H abandon her, but he could see that she was being taken care of by you, so he didn't feel compelled to rush home and care for his family. They were being taken care of and he could have his sinful fun and not worry about them. You being a surrogate husband ENABLED HIM to shirk his responsibilities, to not be convicted of his guilt and leaving her in a bad situation.

You enabled him to be a lousy husband and not have to come home and be a man and take cre of HIS family. The fact that you denegrated his worth in your intial post shows that you felt you were better for his family than he is.

I once helped a woman who's husband had abandoned her for another woman with two young children. I had her move into my house - WITH MY WIFE. We cared for her for three months before he came back to reconcile. I spent that three months confronting HIM of his need to be a father and husband. His wife was attractive,but having an even more beautiful wife and setting concrete boundaries in our relationship kept it pure. I did not discuss her personal feelings with her. Any short hug of comfort was given in my wife's presence or preferrably came from her. I was dedicated solely in that act of love to their reconcliation. With out a wife I would have done exactly what you did, but I have never put myself in such a situation.

The fact that a Christian woman now has to deal with her own sinful behavior during reconciliation weakens the resolve of that rebuilding. You caused that. In recovery, it works well when the wayward spouse returns in humility and repentence and the betrayed spouse can offer forgiveness and love. What forgiveness can she offer when she did the same thing to him? She has to work through her own sin first.

You talk a lot about doing the right thing. Don't ever believe that doing the right thing ever means justifying what caused you to get to a place where you NEED to do the right thing. You need to do the right thing because you DID the WRONG thing.

My wife will not post here because she doesn't have any patience for people trying to make excuses for their own sin. She gets it that her own sin was her problem and something she needs to pay the consequences for and to repent from for life. That makes her the most attractive person I know, because it can't be done with a shred of pride. Her pride is in the Lord and what good He brings to her life. That should be your goal too.

Sorry to be so hard, but I just feel that you're not getting it. Its over, you were wrong, and you don't deserve to continue intruding in her life.

My wife asks this rhetorical question. What is your motive in confessing to her husband and telling her that your feelings were genuine but not right? I agree with her that your motivation is to look good in her eyes, to give her another chance to see that you are doing the right thing.

Put your feelings in a letter and then burn it.Stay AWAY from her. She needs to come to the conclusion, herself, that what you two had was not only wrong, but evil in God's sight. Your presence in her life, to any degree gives her hope that there was something good about it and until she, as a married woman who betrayed her husband, sees that what she did was wrong, there is no hope for true recovery in her marriage.

If you truly want to possess her, outside God's will, you now have all the tools to do so. Almost to a tee, every person posting here has told you what not to do and you keep trying to find a way around the black and white truth. You were wrong, you need to never contact her again, and you need to seek your forgiveness from God, waiting on His blessing in your life as you go forth to live in righteousness.

"I feel convicted of my sin and my relationship with God is growing but I feel that I am to wait and be ready for it not working out."

You mean "vindicated" of your sin? If you've repented for participating in the affair, God certainly forgives you but also asks that you go and "sin no more". You're coveting this guys wife right? By waiting, actually hoping their M doesn't work out? Do the right thing here and move on, forget about her.

"I haven't seen her for 3 weeks but we are supposed to meet for a coffee sometime. I believe this may very well be the last time I see her and I just want us both to be at peace with things. "

Again, you've got the opportunity to do the right thing and that's to stay away from her. No more contact, zero, zilch, nada. You're fooling yourself aren't you? Coffee is not for closure but rather to continue contact with this poor soul...Sorry to sound so harsh, but dem's da facts right? ...I commend you as it takes alot of courage to post your story here but even more to stay out this ladies life. She and her husband deserve that respect from you, or any other guy for that matter. Good luck and god bless....

OK everyone.

I am not writing this to defend myself. This will probably be my last post and I just want to set the record straight.

When we met EVERYONE thought that the marriage was definately over. Her, her H, her family, his family, friends, etc. Yes I did sin because in God's eyes it wasn't over.

Her H knew about me from day one. He was still with the other woman and remained there for quite a while after. He told her he was happy for her. His affair ended because his OW left not because he wanted it to. He tried to rekindle it but finally it was over. He still didn't want his marriage.

His parents met me and approved. His friends met me and approved. All of her friends met me and approved. Where was the "secrecy"? Where was the "knowing evil intent"? I knew it was wrong but as I said before I was physically and spiritually weak, but I did not mean any harm or mean to stand in the way of reconciliation. I believed her when she said that the divorce was definite.

Above all we were best friends. That is why I want a proper closure, not because I want to "hang on" or "show her" anything. In fact it is the opposite, I want her to know the importance of our N/C.

I support her and I will help her by staying away and staying out of her affairs (including her family). As far as friends go I believe that will take care of itself. As far as apologizing to her H I don't know right now.

I said in my first post that this was a little different. I am sorry I did what I did but as it was said I can't change history. Maybe I did cause further problems for them to deal with, or maybe the reason he finally decided to come back was because he finally saw what we had and decided he wanted it? Only God knows and I have truly given it to Him.

Thank you everyone for your replies and thank MB for this site. It did help.

KARS

Hello again,

I guess the previous wasn't my last post after all. When I read the replies I was at work and just skimmed through. I have a problem that when something upsets me I struggle with my emotional anger for a while. It doesn't last very long though and I should learn to wait before I respond.

OK, now let's be honest.

The truth is that this hurts a great deal but I KNOW what God's word says. Believe me I have probably spent more than 100 hours either on my knees or reading His word in the last 6 weeks since I left her. The last time I was with her I told her that she just wasn't "there", that maybe she really did need to give her marriage another chance. After another week I told her it was over between us but we could still be friends. After another week they decided to try and reconcile.

So I know that God played a major role in our break-up, with her feeling inadequate to committ to me and me feeling guilty. If we had split up before I don't know what would have happened. In fact we did twice but every time she was more determined that the marriage just wasn't there and we fell back into the same old thing.

I am not defending, just giving a broader picture. We all sin, sometimes knowingly and sometimes not, sometimes even when knowingly we talk ourselves into believing that there may be a "higher" purpose. It's amazing how we can justify our actions when we know they are against God's will.

I may be rambling here but I'll go on.

You all have a pretty good picture of what happened. Let's jump to the present. She sent me an email right after my post and wanted to know what would be a good time for us to meet. I really believe that she has the same intention as I do, to tell me that there can be N/C. We haven't said that to each other in any correspondence (there hasn't been very much, in fact the email I sent her I said it would be OK if her H was reading) but if she doesn't have this in mind I need to tell her. If I told her in an email it may leave too many questions and lead to some depression for her (she has a very troubled past and needs to know that people don't hate her, an issue I tried to help her with but that's not my job anymore).

I am not trying to initiate anything. I don't try to contact her but when she sent me the email I told her that yes we should meet but left it up to her and told her only if it would not cause problems with her H. Can't this be OK?

THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD INITIATE ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!

Sorry, I hit the wrong button.

Anyway I'll resume. So I know in my heart that I will stay away from her parents. Our mutual friends aren't that numerous and most were hers first so I'll let them go. I don't have to move because I don't think I'll see her in any social situations, she said she will start going to church but at a different one.

As hard as it is, I know that some of you were right when you said there might be hidden motives on my part. I now recognize these and I know that the best thing is to STAY AWAY COMPLETELY.

The reason I wanted her to know that my feelings were genuine is because I want to build up her self-image, not because I want her to come back to me. I guess I wanted her to confirm the same thing for the same reason for me. It is hard to accept that we were "used". But I don't believe that, she has the biggest and most true heart of anyone I have ever met. We just didn't follow God's will but our own. No evil intentions. I know that "the road to hell....." but that doesn't mean that we don't all fall into the trap sometimes.

Before I leave this site I really want to wish you all the best. It breaks my heart to see all the pain here and what some of you are going through. I am so sorry that I was one of the OM but I hope you see that this was a little different. That doesn't change what must happen now but you understand.

God didn't promise us happiness in this lifetime. Jesus didn't come to bring peace but the sword. I have felt the cut of this sword. I have learned, I have repented, I have re-dedicated my life to being obedient, regardless of the cost.

I have only been a christian for 7 years. When I was first converted I thought I knew everything. I must have read 50 books from reknowned christian authors about what this was all about. I went to bible studies, I was baptised, I prayed a lot. As soon as I strayed and neglected I fell into a deeper hole than I was in the first place. How foolish was I. I pray for wisdom.

There are no guarantees in this life. After this site I am starting to think that maybe it is better if I remain single.

God Bless all of you.

In Christ,

Ken

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KARS:
<strong>OK everyone.

Above all we were best friends. That is why I want a proper closure, not because I want to "hang on" or "show her" anything. In fact it is the opposite, I want her to know the importance of our N/C.

KARS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KARS,

I hope I don't offend you with this comment, but here it goes. I can't sugarcoat it.

imo, you're still not getting it. NC means NO contact. The best way of letting her know the importance of no contact is by having no contact, not even to say goodbye, not even for closure. If you must, just write her a letter. Seeing her is just plainly wrong. In addition, the temptation would be too great. Both of you have fallen once, there are no guarantees as you say, that neither of you will fall again.

Be well.

I had another post here earlier but I deleted it.

I am done. The fog has finally lifted. I will not send a letter, I will not email, I will not call, I am not going to do anything except obey my Lord.

I am just so tired of this whole thing. It's time for me to really move on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Goodbye all and thank you.

<small>[ March 08, 2003, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: KARS II ]</small>

Goodbye KARS - Godspeed

KARS,

If you are still reading, check in with us and post, it could help you grieve. There is another message board that helps all three sides of the triangle cope with affairs. It is called Affairs-Help. You may want to check it out.

Be well.

Hi everyone,

Well, it is over. I know what you have all said but we did meet and we talked about everything for an hour. We both cried a lot and talked about our feelings, God's will, our failures, and what we must do now. We talked about the importance of me not being in her life. It was the most difficult thing I have ever been through, but I also knew it was right. When we said goodbye I knew it was for real. If we ever cross paths again it will be God's doing, not mine.

Now I must grieve and move on. I will never forget her and if I ever meet another woman that I am interested in the bar will be set pretty high. But I have to keep telling myself that I am not to covet another man's wife, she was never mine in the first place, and she is where God wants her to be. God told me to keep it simple:

1. I don't have to stop loving her.
2. I must remember that God is working in both of our lives.
3. I must obey.

Thank you all again, and if you feel led please pray for her (K's) marriage. God will know who you mean. If you also feel led, please pray for me too. I really did love her for all the right reasons. This hurts so much, but it is in God's hands now. I can do nothing more. For those of you who are still skeptical of my motives, we ended the visit by praying for her and her family.

We grow through pain and adversity, not during times of bliss. I feel like I can relate to Moses looking at the promised land - after leading the people through the desert for 40 years God allowed him to see the promised land, but told him he would never set foot there. Because of my sins I saw what I have wanted my whole life, but I couldn't have it.

I will continue to study the word, along with other books by trusted christian authors. I am planning on finding a christian counselor to help me with what seems like repeated character faults. My father was an alcoholic and I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Last night I came across a pamphlet about Adult Children of Alcoholics, and it really hit home. Big time.

Obviously there are some things I need to deal with in my life. I don't ever want to go through this again. God Bless All.

In Christ,

KARS

<small>[ March 13, 2003, 01:42 AM: Message edited by: KARS II ]</small>