I knew this would happen, I guess I just didn't expect it this soon. Tonite my son told me, and my daughter confirmed it, that their mother is planning to take them to Disney World after om and/or she get a house next year. <BR>Also om's mummy,"I just want him to be happy", lives in Fl and will probably pay the freight or at least put them up<BR>Why am I so insecure about this ? I' trying to do what is right, but she and he will just buy good will from the kids. <BR>Tonite my daughter asked about getting Cleveland Indian tickets next year. Well they always go on sale at Christmas time, they are hard to get and they are expensive. They will be truly out of my price range thsi year unless I get the house refinaced before year end as part of the divorec settlement. But we still have a ways to go on that so I do not see it happening this year.<BR>I don't think I ever will be at peace. I wish she would just move away and give up on the kids and me!(well she already gave up on me!)

HUGS to you-<P>nope, I don't think it weill ever really stop-not as long as you are a caring loving person. But get better it will-and as soon as you find happiness in your life that will follow! Go out and find what makes you happy-and I don't mean another woman-I mean whatever it might be that you used to do and haven't done for a long time. Make your thoughtsa head in a different direction for a few hours-you will find peace when you can do that. I will loan you my horse and you can go for a ride in the woods...........it works for me <P>take care and best of luck!!!!!<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>

RWD -<P>I'm sorry that you are being hurt like this and I'm going to say something that I hope you don't get offended at.....I think your wife is being an awful example as a parent and is using those children!!!!!<P>Why the hell would she be telling them about a maybe trip after a maybe house is bought?????<P>For God sakes, neither one of them is divorced and they are telling the children of their high-faluting plans?<P>AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!<P>I'm sorry but this is the cruelest - to manipulate the affections of children with promises of grandeur!!!!<P>RWD - don't play into it!!!!!! Where did your daughter get the baseball ticket idea? Is this a normal request or do you think it is to see what she could get out of you being that Mom is promising things?<P>I would record in a journal - all of these incidents and have it at the ready in case it is needed for the child psychologist. This is terrible and irresponsible behaviour on her part!!!!<P>Do not think that you must keep up with her grand ideas.......this is NOT a competition and don't let her make it one!!!! That is sick!!!!<P>You must think of the kids. Your daughter already tried to pit you and your wife against each other with the Labor day weekend thing.....she will continue to try especially if she sees a contest going on with the two of you.<P>Hang in there...You're doing very well, considering she's being so selfish and destructive.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>

Sheba... its a rule of life.<P>Those without concience dont have to follow any rules, they are not responsible for any of their actions and the worst part of all... they NEVER suffer for what they do.<P>She will use the children in whatever way she wants because she doesn't care the affect as long as she wins. If that means holding them up and skinning them alive then she gets what she wants and who cares about the rest.<P>RWD your caring is your pain... while women out there say they WANT a caring guy they DONT want to deal with the pain it brings... they consider us wingers and whiners, too thin-skinned and push overs... they are drawn to us because of that trait and then when things go wrong they use that trait to get whatever they want.<P>Sheba... what use is there? Why even bother trying? If being without conscience gives you freedom there is no use even trying to use reason... and it certainly isn't a good example to want to be a caring person...<P>I have been a caring person all my life, to the point where I would happily sacrifice my own needs to see another person get theirs and all it has gotten me is heartache, pain and resentment.<P>There is no reason whatsoever to be a nice person any more... there are no rewards and even if you DO find someone who is as caring as you are it doesn't last forever.

Lost Soul -<P>I don't care about others and what is <BR>right and just for any kind of reward - <BR>you may not believe me but it is true.<P>Call it whatever you want - upbringing, <BR>hypnosis, fooling myself, whatever!!!<P>I do things for others or show <BR>consideration because it makes me feel <BR>good, I say things to try to help others <BR>because it makes me feel good. <P>That is my reward.<P>Perhaps human nature can be improved <BR>upon with the application of asking <BR>ourselves if we want to be treated the <BR>same way before we do or say things <BR>that would hurt others......<P>I believe that it is in each and every <BR>one of us to make our lives and our <BR>outlooks anything we want them to be.<P>Just takes practice!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

The baseball tix aren't new although she hasn't mentioned them for awhile.<BR>I talked to w counselor today and he warned me of something else I need to get ready for emotionally. That is if w and om get nmarried she might ask children to live with them. He advised me not to fight this as that will only damage them. I just need to let them know that they always have a home with me. I think she might do that out of spite as opposed to wanting to take care of them as I don't see her wanting that responsibility.<BR> As for the trip to Disney, I would like to have video of that. She hates the heat, she hates lines, she doesn't ride rides, she doesn't like crowds, she has no patience. In looking at this thru my rose color glasses, maybe this will kill any thoughts the kids will have about living with her. She will show them that she is no fun !<BR>My only worry is that when this relationship crashes, I don't want my kids to be hurt by the fall out. As for her, I don't want to see<BR> her hurt either but these are all her choices. Her counselor said he didn't think she would hurt herself, but would immediately move on to someone else looking for this elusive happiness. He didn't think she would come back to me and I dodn't know if I want the mess she would be on without her getting professional help(for her unhappiness & anger).

Hi RWD-<P>What did this counselor think of what she told the kids?

Sheba...<P>I thought exactly as you did a while ago... giving was its own reward.<P>Perhaps after you have done it to the point where you are completely empty for years on end and see everyone around you do nothing but take and revel in the happiness of it you will actually understand where I am coming from.<P>RWD, all I can say is your councillor is right about the kids... Because you love them so much I would do everything you can to "prepare" for your W and OM breaking up. Let them have em, show your kids love the whole way through and when she "turns" on the OM, swoop in and rescue the kids.<P>I am "told" I should believe bad people get their just deserts eventually but I think that is a fairy tale.

Sheba,<BR>He said this is pretty much standard operation procedure for spouses that leave their children. It usually the man that turns into Santa Claus becuse he is trying to get rid of his guilt. I guess just the sex is changed in this case!