After 8 weeks of NC, and what felt like good progress in healing our marriage, my H is meeting w/ the OW this afternoon - "just to talk." My H has been wanting to "have a conversation" with OW "for closure" but it didn't look like that would ever happen until she sent him a letter asking to get together. H did tell me last week that he had received a letter from her and that he wasn't going to open it till after the weekend (supposedly he was nervous about it and didn't want it to spoil our weekend). I knew where he put the letter and kept checking, and he didn't open it till Tuesday - but did not tell me (and I haven't let on yet that I know). And he did not tell me that he was meeting with her today – even when I asked him this morning about his schedule for the day. The OW's husband just sent me an e-mail to let me know about their meeting - she reluctantly told her H when he pressed her about her schedule today, and she said it was "just to talk." (The 4 of us were very good friends, and OW's H and I have remained in limited contact since D-Day just to keep each other informed of what's going on in our marriages. He doesn't want me to let on that he told me about their meeting today.)

So now what to do? My options tonight seem to be: 1) don't say a word and just wait and see if H decides to tell me anything on his own; 2) ask H nicely if he has opened/read her letter yet and see what he says; 3) confront him with my knowledge of their meeting today and my anger that he didn't bother to tell me (which is just more of the same thing that went on throughout their affair – I didn't ask, so he didn't bother to tell me – so he feels he didn't really "lie.") I really want to confront him, because I am really angry and it's the most direct way to get to the truth, but I'm afraid it will be a huge LB. I am so nervous and scared that he is seeing her after all this time of NC and I'm so worried we'll be right back at square one!

Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated. The last time I posted a question, the responses really helped me see things more clearly so I was able to react in a much more rational manner.

<small>[ March 06, 2003, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: BS in NE ]</small>

BS:

Personally, if it were me, I would first give him the chance to come clean and tell you the truth (option #2). I would ask him about the letter - did he read it, etc. Give him EVERY opportunity to tell the truth. It's much better that way, no confronting, and aftermath. However, if he lies and denies, then I'm afraid you have no choice. You'll have to let him know what you know. I have been in a similar situation - but luckily, when asked, my H came clean (I think I had busted him too many times before?) without the big confrontation and I was able to stay relatively calm. (no LB's).

Good luck - I'll be praying for you!

well it may to late for the advise for tonight,as it is tonight now,but this may help future events.

the question asking or not.one thing is are you prepared to hear a lie?when asking a WS any question the possiblity is there for a lie.sometimes testing WS hurts more than the info you have.

second,there should not even be a question to ask.they really should have nothing to talk about.they have no reason to meet anywhere or anytime.no contact means just that.

six months after my wifes A ended i found out a contact had been attempted.i questioned it.i got a lie.that hurt,it cured me from asking anymore.but her reason for contact was even worse.she wanted to wish him a happy birthday!