Well I feel like I have been mislead, I had a house picked out and was ready to move on, then my wife decided that maybe we could make it work. So I let the house go and look forward to moving back home. Now today she decides that the divorce is the right thing to do and feels that it is the only way to let go of the hurt I created. She stills sees us together in the end. But it is hard for me to see that with a divorce. It seems to me that everytime I get ok with being on my own or moving back home she flips on me. This last time really hurt, because of how hard it was for me to get ok with moving on. I'm very sad. Does anyone have any insight. I'm the WS and she is the BS I have cut off the relationship with the OW and have been working hard. It has been 3 months now.

Ighoping:

All I can say is that if it's only been three months so far, you've got a long ways to go. I hope your W will be able to work WITH you in the near future, but you probably just have to give her the room that she thinks she needs right now. She's going to be hurt for a while yet.

I actually think that giving up on the house purchase was a big LB$ deposit on your part. You made a sacrifice. And although she may not SEEM to appreciate it right now, I would be willing to bet that she does inside.

Keep working on you, keep being loving to her, and stay the course. Remember, they say that recovery can take 2-5 YEARS, and even if you don't reconcile your M, you need to undertake the personal recovery to avoid getting into a similar situation in the future.

It's hard, but it's also very rewarding.

All my best to you and her,
-Qfwfq

QFwfq,
The other thing which has messed her up is she tore her ACL in her knee. She now has to have knee surgery. I told her I would move home for a few weeks to help her out and take care of the kids. Then if she feels she needs me to move back out I will, I feel this way she feels like she is not using me. I really just want it back how it use to be.

Ighoping:

I think that's an excellent idea! Offer to sleep in another room, if it'll make her feel more comfortable (though you probably already thought of that).

It'll never be the way it used to be. It will be BETTER. I wouldn't call where I'm at "recovery" yet, after 13 months since D-day, but already our M is better than it was before the A. Hard to explain, but learning and working on yourself and the M can do that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there,
-Qfwfq