My WW called this morning and says she wants to come home. She left just over a week ago. She says she needs to be home and with the girls. She even wants to take us all out to a nice dinner Sunday, including me, as a family. She then talks to my older D and tells her that she wants to stay until she has to leave for an all weekend computer course next weekend. When I ask her later why she never mentioned the course to me she admits that she is actually going to spend next weekend with OM. I am dying here. How can I allow her to spend the week here at our house knowing that she plans on spending next weekend with him? How does she look our Ds in the eye? When I told her that I had talked to an attourney and was thinking about filing so that this madness could end she says that she thinks that might be premature. As the song says; she wants her home and security, she wants to live like a sailor at sea. Can anyone give me some advice as to what to do next?

rbb:

How long has it been since D-day. How old is her A. How good has your plan A been? How do you FEEL about your W?

There may be circumstances where it might be a good idea for you to let her come home. If you haven't had enough time to do a good plan A, then a week might be just what you need. By all means let her know that it hurts you that she plans to go away with OM, though.

If it's been a while of plan A, or you've been separated a while, it might be better to go to plan B and not let her come home.

It's hard to tell with the little I know about your situation.

All my best,
-Qfwfq

Sorry you haven't seen my previous posts. The A has been going since December (4 months). I discovered it Feb.16. Yes, I still love her and would like to keep our marriage alive. I know it will take work but I am willing. If I believed that she was ready to finish the A I can see letting her go next weekend but she seems to want to continue it. I don't think that a week at home will be enough to change her mind. I now have an attourney but legally she cannot be forced to end it or kept out of our house. Having her here with my Ds (15 & 17) and myself knowing what her plans are is hell.

Just an update and some info about myself. WW moved back in two days ago. Has been pleasant but certainly not affectionate, sleeping in another room. Still wants us to go out for a "nice family dinner" tomorrow, but still seems to have plans for leaving next weekend. I've told her that Ds are becoming suspicious that she is going away every other weekend but she says she will handle it. Ds actually know but will not tell WW they do. Have made appointments with a councelor for Ds and myself next week, now have an attourney, and opened a seperate checking account. From experience, is it possible to follow a good Plan A living under these conditions? And what else could anyone suggest?

Me:48, WW:45
Married 23 years
2 Ds:15 & 17
D-day 2/16/03 (A going maybe 4 months)
WW moved in with mother 2/28/03, spent night at hotel with OM 3/1/03, talked to attourney and moved back in 3/7/03.
OM lives 500 miles away, has $$$.

Plan A can be done under those conditions. Forget the divorce talk for now. Read up about Plan A and implement it a.s.a.p - you need to develop a track record. And get someone to tell the OM's wife that her marriage is being wrecked.

Why won't Ds tell mom that they know? How did they find out?

That's my advice.