Honey,
I don't recall if I've ever posted to you before or not, but I thought I'd share my story with you. No advice, no opinions....just a story.
My ex H started doing drugs when he was 10. An older cousin thought it was cute to get a 10 yr old high. He then started drinking at the age of 12. I met him when he was 18 and already an alcoholic. Against my better judgement, I started dating him and married him when I was 20. He'd already had his first DUI at the age of 21. I spent 3 years being his chaffeur since he didn't have a license. During those 3 years, we had 2 sons. My duty consisted of dragging my children out at 5 in the morning to take their father to work and then dragging them out again to pick him up. Of course, he didn't work year round. Only about 6 months out of the year. Another duty was to drag my children out in the middle of the night to pick him up after hours of drinking. If I didn't do it, I suffered and so did the kids. He eventually got his license back and I spent almost every night wondering whether he was going to make it home or not. My father told me to just not let him have the keys to the car. I tried this and I just ended up with countless bruises all over me. We eventually had a 3rd son. Yes, my husband was an alcoholic, drug addict and a wife-beater. He would beat me when he was sober and when he wasn't sober. He did it in front of my kids too. My children saw their mother with one side of her face beaten and bruised so bad that she was barely recognizable. He threw things at me and even threatened to kill me. But I stayed.
My sons are now 13, 10 1/2 and 6. My ex finally decided to leave us in Dec 1999. 2 days before Christmas. My youngest, thank God, doesn't remember anything about him living here. My middle one suffers from ADHD and has problems with aggression and in school. My oldest son is the worst. He is very aggressive towards me and his brothers. To him, I'm stupid for staying with his father and I deserved what I got. He constantly tells me that it's my fault that he doesn't have a father. It's also my fault that he acts the way he does. (Yes, he tried to hit me one time and I had to have my new H intervene. You see my 13 yr old is 6' tall and weighs 165 pounds...he's a lot bigger than I am) I had to put him in couseling for his anger. My biggest fear is that he will grow up to be like his father. I can see it in him already.
I covered for my ex all the time. I made excuses for him and pretended that things weren't that bad. Now I know that they were horrible, especially for my children. I also blamed my ex's father because he was the same way. Now I know that as an adult, my ex has the power to change, but he doesn't want to. He enjoys his lifestyle.
Now, my children don't see their father. That is his choice. He doesn't want them. They interfere with his new life too much. They don't want to see him right now and honestly, I'm glad. I don't want my children around that kind of person right now. I'm working hard to undo all of the damage done to them.
Please read this carefully and think about it long and hard.
Good luck to you,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
mlmcgreevy@hotmail.com
