I am trying to recover from an OL, EA. I was supposed to meet OM this Week to make our EA a PA. Instead, I cancelled and ended it. My H and I have been in MC since December and I've been in Indep. Therapy for.... forever!

I am soooo sad about ending it. I've read everyone's whoa's on these posts but now my doubt begins. I mean, it is not like I fall in love everyday. I have not been in contact with OM and I am in recovery - but to those who have been through it any advice or stories you could share. How did your A end? How are you dealing?

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day it will get better.

Good for you for canceling the trip!

When I first ended my affair, I felt sure I would never recover. I wanted my marriage, but wondered if I would ever get thoughts of the OM out of my head.

It takes time, but I am here to tell you (after 2 years) that it can get better. I am happy and I am in love with my husband.

I don't think of the OM much now at all, but when I do, now it is a different kind of fog. I don't dwell on the details, etc. Now I think more of the lessons I have learned and how I have grown through the experience.

I like MYSELF much better and I am love my husband. I love him for sticking with me and doing the hard work to make it better for us.

You can do the same! We are here to support you and encourage you on.

Susan

Elli - good for you that you ended the A. Your EA was based on total fantasy. It was not love. You did not really know this OM and were probably doing the OL EA to fill a need that is lacking in your M. If you haven't already, read the POJA, PORA and complete the EN questionnaire. It will help you. Also read the book "His Needs Her Needs" and anything else you can find.

I had a EA with OM and it turned into a PA when I went to visit OM in his state. Bad choice. I first met OM through an introduction on a business trip. We started emailing (seemed innocent) and after many months what I thought was friendship turned into one weekend PA. It was horrible and I regret what I did. Fortunately you didn't let your EA go any further but you will still feel pain over this.

After about 3 weeks of NC you should find yourself getting out of the fog and turning back to reality.

In order for this not to occur again you need to find out why the A occurred. This may not be easy as it took both M partners to get to the state of the M as it was when the EA occurred. There were problems there that have to be uncovered. Keep posting and reading here. it will help.

Thanks Krisee and Susan! Hearing other peoples stories, where they got their strength and all really helps me. It is hard at this point to believe my feelings were based on fantasy but I certainly am listening to that.

It's interesting.... I've read a number of posts where the woman (once the A turns P) feels guilt, shame and so badly right after! Seeing we go into the PA wanting it, it shocks me that this is the outcome.

It seems that mosthy BS post. I am definitely in need of reading about the WS experiences. So... thanks!

Elli