Letter i have written,
Going to give to WH. asap.

Today has been very hard on me, as have these last 18 months. I think we need to come up with a plan to move on with our lives. I can't do what we have been doing anymore. I have tried my best to stick with marriage but it has gotten to the point that i don't see it getting better or changing and i won't live with other women in your life. Sad to say, i have done the best i could to make you happy and it wasn't and isn't enough. So we need to come up with a plan to divide things evenly. I know you say you don't want any of it, and vice versa, but there are alot of bills and things that we are responsible for jointly. I don't want to fight and argue. I just want the pain to stop. Please accept my apology, for all the times i let you down. including this one. I always wanted my marriage to last but not at any cost. The cost has become to great for both of us.

Sincerely,

Any suggestions??

Thanks

S

notgoingtodothis,

Take the appology part of your letter, it is not need it. I know you are in pain but put a sentence or two about what condition that WH could come home until then this separation is in progress.

One question ... what do you expect from this letter ?

-rh-

Today has been very hard on me, as have these last 18 months. I think we need to come up with a plan to move on with our lives. I can't do what we have been doing anymore. I have tried my best to stick with marriage but it has gotten to the point that i don't see it getting better or changing and i won't live with other women in your life. Sad to say, i have done the best i could to make you happy and it wasn't and isn't enough. So we need to come up with a plan to divide things evenly. I know you say you don't want any of it, and vice versa, but there are alot of bills and things that we are responsible for jointly. I don't want to fight and argue. I just want the pain to stop. I always wanted my marriage to last but not at any cost. The cost has become to great for both of us.

Is that better. I really just want it over. I don't know what else to add. I am not sending this to seperate him from his A. I have already asked that on many occasions. I just think I need to get over it and move on with my life.
RH -
I don't know how to do this i am just going to do it. I have put it off as long as possible. I have been walked on and disrespected enough.
What else is there to do???

Hi Notgoin.. sorry to hear of your decision .. I do understand your pain and wanting it to stop . I agree the second letter is better ..you have nothing to appologize about!! Good luck and God Bless .

notgoingtodothis,

I would not send that letter. I would revise it and do plan B or might be tough love depends on your plan A and how your tummy could handle it. At this point I would suggest to revise you letter to be plan B letter and plan up the logistic of it. I would get a lawyer not to Dv but to see what is your right ... you could get a free advice since the lawyer ususally expect you would hire them if you decide. Do a plan B and dug your trenches for a few more months until your LB$ is empty and your are absolutly ready then file for Dv.

I am sorry it has to come for this but WH is a cake eater and you are enableing it by taking no action ... this is ight be a good time for plan B.

Just my 2¢. This is not for WH, you do this for yourself. -rh-

notgoing-

Where are you at with the whole Plan A/B thing? It's only natural for you to want the pain to stop and I'm so sorry things haven't worked out so far.... I'm sure you know the drill by now right? Leave a good impression of positive changes along with conditions for R in Plan A then go dark via Plan B if contact with the OP continues and it becomes too painful for you in Plan A...Is it too late for you? Do you still love him enough to try plan B? Good luck with all of this, lord knows it's tough....

PS Don't beat yourself up and apologize to him, you don't have anything to be sorrow about. If you feel bad about pressuring him, just vow to do better next time.

RH,

Its time to do something, I will call an attorney. I have to have some sort of plan other than letting it go on for ever. I have to set a date to have him move out is that acceptable in a plan b letter? RH i have watched you post on others post you are so together. I just want it to end, is that wrong? This ow is a stripper, their relationship is /was physical. she moved to my town to be by him. they talk hours daily. I havn't told her common law H. She had my H bail her out of jail. (she called my house in the middle of the night and he went ) He went with her to court today. ( he of course justified it by saying she had no one else) He is continuing a relationship with her knowing it is destroying me. NOW THATS LOVE ISN'T IT. He tells me he loves me yet, actions speak louder than words. I wish he hated me, if that is what love is to him. I just want it over. I let my plan a go on to long. didn't I.

Linch,

Well i have been in plan a really good except for a few fights over ow. He promise to end it with her in september, of course he didn't, then she was supposed to move away, and of course she didn't. not ever seperated. But he always threateded it until about Jan 5th, he threateded and i started packing for him, he of course stayed. Hasn't threatened it since. But their affair is on going. so as far as plan a/b i think i have not a clue IM in plan cakewalk and not liking that i have set myself up for more pain.

thanks for caring.

Mistified,

Thanks for responding. Doddn't know how i am supposed to go home and act all wifey and nice. GOD IT MAKES ME SICK.

notgoingtodothis:

You should put his stuff out the porch and tell him to go ... tough love !. At the same time give him plan B letter. Do not involve lawyer except to consult !. No, it is in our right to cash in that rain check of Dv since A is still in your face. BS has the right to end the M right from D-day ! but we choose ot to and try to work and fight for our own M. There is nothing wrong with seeking Dv, by human law and by HIS WORDS. The most important thing is ... 10 years from now looking back on today, could you live with your decision ?. It got nothing to do with WH or ending his A ... it is all about you.

You didn't let plan A go too long, it just that now is the time to go plan B. As you see, A will end ... how could he introduce his girl freind to his male freinds ? ... you could have $20 to have her lap dance ... LOL !!!. A will end but now now and not this way. He is weak and addicted to OW. You need to put a bit reality on his head that his action cause a problem.

I would put his belonging in the front porch and call him to pick it up and move out and until A is ended and willingness to work on M he could stay out from the house and be WH. He has to earn his right as H ... not given !. Be strong, Orchid has done this many times to his dumb WH, even as we speak.

Now just to check yourself ... if H repents, ended A with NC and working on M abide by MB rules of recovery ... would you take him ?. If the answer is yes then do plan B ... if you say no way in h3ll ... then run to your lawyer and file Dv. I do believe you still want H but not this WH ...

God bless you and may the Lord show HIS path for you and give you the strength to walk on it. Amen. -rh-

"There is nothing wrong with seeking Dv, by human law and by HIS WORDS. The most important thing is ... 10 years from now looking back on today, could you live with your decision ?"

Notgoing, RH makes a very good point here that you may want to consider. I can tell you I pushed my D (as the BS) through last December and already regret it. I wished I'd made her do all the dirty work but I was so wanting to please....It's good that you've done well with Plan A because alot of us don't. Seriously think about going to Plan B as a full time relationship with someone is a whole different animal as your WH might discover....Good luck!

Notgoing... Sorry I missed this . I know how you feel (right in the pit of your stomach i am sure) it just plain sucks. I am so sorry you have to go thru this .. hang in there be tough .. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel doesn't there??? I hope so ... Formerly mystafied

Hey Forever,
Yes im sick but alot less manic about it than i was a year ago. I did nave to ride in that truck this morning and you know what i was actually sick when i got to school. YUCK, defiled my truck. Now i will let him have it. Sick i don't ever want to sit in that seat again,i am slowly realizing that i can't control anything but my reaction to things, not the things themselves. Life altering experience. I can tell you that.

Notgoing , Good I am glad to hear that about the manic.. as far as the ride I can relate big time ... maybe you have found the key in realizing that about things ... I hope I get there too... take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />