well im dusting off the old hunting gun and going elephant hunting tonight!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

let me explain for those of you who were not here the first time i went elephant hunting. my husband is a huge conflict avoider. so we danced around the elephant in the living room long enough(his affair) i blew!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

well its time again, im turning 38 tomorrow. i want the answers i deserve. i need the truth. i need this to be over, one way or another. i have been supportive and patient for over a year. he strings me along with just enough and im done. i have always been a fiercely independent woman, and im starting to see signs of the old me again. (I missed her!!) i have been getting stronger and know i have done all i can do-except live in limbo forever. husband is just rolling along like nothing. time to shake things up.

i refuse to waste anymore of my life left here on earth with this mess. im healing and forgiving and moving on-hopefully he gets it.

i plan on telling him i want the truth-i dont believe this was his first affair. i think there is alot about my history i need to know. tonights the night-either he fesses up or im done.

wish me luck!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wow, you go girl!! Good luck. I hope the elephant speaks freely finally, so you don't have to shoot him.

Jen

hi nikko. from one wild game hunter to another, be careful while on your hunting trip. sometimes we get caught in a stampede and get more than what we bargained for. make sure your gun is loaded and your prey in the sights before taking your shot. in plain english be careful what you ask for cause you might get more than you bargained for. good luck hon.

i know what im gonna get-either nothing or my life back!!

i need my life back, i need to know what is what and im tired of limboland-nice place to visit but sucks to live here!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

my life is half over and i need to know what im doing with the rest of it. its time. thanks for the support

I wish I had seen this earlier nikko!!! It's just after 10pm here, and I'd call... but I don't know if your H is home from work yet or not. And if he is, I do NOT want to interrupt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I will call you by the end of this week though... let me know what day is best to do that (and remember... I can only call after 6pm b/c I'm CHEAP!!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Good luck tonight... and keep us posted.

Luv ya!
Karen

"tonights the night-either he fesses up or im done"

I guess I have to wonder how you'll decide if he's fessed up 100% or 10% or whatever in-between.

How will you know?

pep

Blimey Nikko - you go!!

Let us know how you got on - I hope you didn't have to use the gun....

Thinking of you and wishing you well from London

Lisa

thanks all for the replies. he is still alive in case snyone is wondering! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

he actually got home a little early, was supposed to go shopping(nothing like waiting for the last minute) got out late and has to go today.

anyway, i just flat ou asked him, why dont you feel i deserve the truth?

what i got was him pretending the conversation about him lying to me for our whole time together didnt happen! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> so i repeated the conversation word for word and knew he knew what i was talking about but he still feigned stupidity! so i gave up just sat there and couldnt believe after everything we have been through he wasnt gonna give me the truth.

after a few minutes the conversation started again. i told him the things i thought he lied about. he has been lying to me and his family for years,he is a conflict avoider. it has caused major rifts between his family and i. all this time he has been blaming me for the problems with his family, and making me think i was nuts. he also fessed up about the strip clubs. i knew he was going since '99--its really the whole time. that hurts, even though he didnt go alot, he still lied again and again. i know this is from peer pressure, going i mean, so i gotta think on that one a while longer.

i told him i thought ow wasnt the first and why, he denied any other ow's.(there's a tongue twister <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

i do believe we made some progress--do i know 100% like pepper asked. no and i never will. i dont think any of us will ever know 100%. but what i was looking for is the act of honesty. i need him to understand its ok to be honest. he has lied for so long.

anyway that was my evening, he wanted to hug me and make everything ok, i just sat there and let him hold me.

i need to take the boys to school, i'll be back later. thanks.

good job!

something else that is bugging me about this conversation we had.....i asked husband again if he still believed he did this to hurt me.(he told me on d-day he had an affair to hurt me in the worst possible way. he stuck to that reason.) he said he did do it specifically to hurt me but that was not the only reason. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> i cant believe after all we have learned he is still hanging onto this somehow being about me-or him hurting me. maybe he really did do it on purpose.

something else-i asked him if he felt guilty about ow's fiance. he said NO, why should i bother with worrying about him?(now he knows the "right answe should have been yes i feel guilt-blah blah blah-but instead of lying about it he was honest.) but the fact that he has no remorse for this guy bugs me. any fws's with some insight on this one would be appreciated.

Yes, I noticed the same thing in my H. Little remorse in the beginning about hurting another human being- OW's H who he'd actually met. Basically he bought into OW's description of him so he could say- well, he created the problems in his M himself.

Later on though he did say that he felt bad for what he was putting him through.

Maybe your H doesn't feel OW's relationship is quite as "sacred" because she is not actually married.