Still Seeking,

I saw your reply on whippit's post. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am doing relatively fine. I have a trip scheduled to New York next week and I'm feeling excited about it.

I'm doing better. Even though I don't post as much I still read the posts and every now and then I reply. I really think I'm coming to the stage of acceptance. Sometimes I think about things they may be doing together but that huge red stop sign makes the thought go away; it seems like it doesn't bother me as much anymore. This afternoon I had a trigger because I saw her with my son.

I spent my days at work, with my son, exercising, reading about child custody and the little time I have left I think about my future without her. I am beginning to have positive thoughts about the future. I have been doing a lot of introspection lately and you know, her complaint about wasting her 20's with me has made me realize that in a way I could take the attitude that I wasted 10 yrs on her. But what can one do? I'm wiser now and I say "if I knew then what I know now..." You know how it goes.

I did something good for her this morning, in spite of everything she's done to me and do you know what? It felt utterly good. My sister tells me that it does because of having a clean conscience. This inner peace I'm beginning to feel comes not from a defeated man but from a man who gave it his all and who is now giving it his all to save my son from this travesty. My next goal is to realize that she is still his mother and there is nothing I can do to influence what she teaches him. I should just teach him what is right and pray and hope to God he is not badly scarred from all this.

Thanks, still seeking, I should post more often but I am SOOOO tired of this whole thing. This afternoon a friend was asking me about something and I had to stop and I said to him, "I'm tired, I don't want to talk about her anymore."

Be well, and thanks.

UC it is wonderful to hear from you. I was wondering what happened to you also.

It sounds like you are making peace with the changes in your life and like you said are reaching acceptance. I am glad to hear that. The inner peace you have found comes across in your words.

Do whatever is necessary to protect your son and please know that we are always here for you.

STTSI

Hi UC,
I think about you often, and worry for you. Probably I don't need to, but I do.

It's hard to know when we get married what life will be like. I have said ( and my W agrees) that if we knew how hard it would be, we may never make the commitment. However, I can attest that it can be very good, and it is worth it. Tomorrow will be 26 years for us, and the D word has been spoken over the years by both of us more than once. The things learned ( and put into practice) on this site have made us a lot happier.

The hardest thing for me to learn is that I couldn't change her at all. She had faults, but nothing I said or did made any difference.
It was only when I forgot about her faults and began to work on mine that things started to change. I found that the nicer I was and the better I became, the closer she wanted to come.

I know you have gotten an education too, but I wish it was not so dearly paid for.

Have fun in New York.

SS

uc ... good to hear from you. You have a smart sis. When all of this over the most important thing is you could look yourself at the mirror and have no regret and snore at night.

Hangin there. -rh-