I am having a difficult time accepting that this whole mess that is going on will take another year (at least?) to be done with... and I'm only referring to the court issues. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I was hoping that interim custody would be set in court tomorrow... but alas... that probably won't be the case. Access is being discussed between mine and H's lawyers, and it's a HUGE problem.

There is no doubt that supervised visitation is in order, however, b/c of H's bail conditions, the supervision centre will not allow him to be there. So that means, H's conditions must be altered. If they can't be, then the only option for visitation will be for my inlaws to come to town (once a month) to pick up the boys and THEY be the supervisors of H. I DO NOT LIKE THAT PLAN!!!

It's going to feel like a LONG night tonight, while waiting for things to be resolved tomorrow... IF they do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . And I can't even come on here to vent it out, b/c I need to keep my phoneline open for various calls (from the lawyer, the witness/victim assistance program, CAS, etc). I also need to call my new family dr and make an appt regarding my depression. I think it's time to go back on meds. sigh! (I discussed it with my lawyer, and she said it would be in my favour to be on them, if it's necessary according to my dr.).

For those who followed the other threads regarding my in-laws and the photos, etc... the advice from my lawyer is to leave it be. I can give her the photos when I meet with her on Tuesday, and she will give them to H's counsel. I'm not sure about doing that with the 8"x10" of the boys though... H tried to take that one for himself already (even though I gave him the receipt and order form so that he could get more from Walmart at HIS expense). I also have lots of snapshots of him and the boys (I always order double prints), so at least those can be passed on to him via the lawyers. And as far as the book on dealing with kids during a D, there wasn't anything like that available at my local bookstore. I'll start doing some checking online in a few minutes instead.

I dreamed about H last night. It was a fairly good dream too. We were on a road trip to Niagara Falls, and having a nice time... we didn't have the kids w/ us... that might have had something to do with it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It just made me miss him so much.... the old him (as you all know what I'm talking about... pre-abduction phase). sigh!

It's just so NOT right that H could have such power to put our family through such misery. Thank goodness the kids are so young, so they may not remember much of all of this. I won't know how it's all affecting them until years from now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yup... this is a "pity Karen party" here. I'm just in one of those moods. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I think utterly exhausted is more appropriate. I'm hoping to make it to church on Sunday with my oldest.... I'm also hoping that by going, some things will seem clearer to me too.

Karen

Karen,

Pity partys are ok, just don't stay out to long!!! OK!!

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, but it's part of the phase, cycle whatever you call it, it will pass and you will be ok!!!

My in laws invited me to visit this summer at their new place in Florida!!! I've talked with more since the seperation. Odd!!!

Just wanted you to know that someone was out there tonight and cares!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs and prayers.

Cali

Hi Karen!
Hugs and prayers from me too. Those "missing him pre-A" feelings will continue to surface for quite a while.... although probably less and less over time. Don't be afraid of them.... cry, journal, post here, punch some pillows.... and then find replace those feelings with something positive. Your kids are lucky to have such a smart, beautiful, and strong Mom! Keep on keepin on. You've always been an inspiration to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{{{Karen}}}}}}

Faith1

Karen

I wish I could say something that would be helpful. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you. I sense too that you feel maybe you had moved away from needing Anti-d's and are now going backward.

Sometimes, I think we all just need to accept that we will have bad days, which can stretch into bad weeks. Sometimes I too think we need to accept that the sadness will come along and sweep over us and be all consuming. I get days like that and frankly I don't have it nearly as tough as you - I sometimes just get incredibly sad about how the whole situation even came to pass.

So, take care of yourself, look at your lovely list and pick some things out of it that you can do for yourself to help you through this bleak patch.

Wishing you well from London.

Lisa

Thanks gals, I really do appreciate your replies.

It's not quite 8am here, and office hours don't start until 8:30am, so I thought I'd come online to check some things out.

I wasn't able to find anything on talking to kids about divorcing parents... well, nothing that would relate to our situation anyways. I've already laid the groundwork for it by talking it over with the boys, explaining how daddy lives in a different house now, and that they will see him again, and I'm working on getting it arranged so they can see him soon.

The articles I did find, suggested that the answers be too "nicey nice" for me... enough so that I CRINGED at the thought of my in-laws or H saying those words to the boys. I can't remember the exact words, but in my interpretation it emphasized how mummy and daddy used to love each other but don't anymore, but still love them. I dunno... I couldn't say that to my boys, and feel like I was telling the truth. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Because IMO, if their daddy loved them so much, he never would have continued on his destructive path, would he? sigh! When we talk about daddy, I do tell them that daddy loves them, and he misses them, and this allows the oldest to talk about it too. I regularly remind him that it's okay to love daddy and be angry with him at the same time (His memory is INCREDIBLE! H had better be careful with what he says and does around OS to be honest... as OS can still remember how daddy hit him).

What a day today will be! I'm already super stressed, and can feel the taughtness in my neck and shoulders. I plan on having a good, long shower tonight, and making use of the massage spray switch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

topie-so sorry i missed your call last night-i was out with my family for dinner.(my birthday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

i will be here tonight-please call if you want to talk. try to think positive today-you are doing everything you can. what you are going through is normal-well normal for this!

call me-

Karen - I hope things are going ok for you today -- And a pity party is ok - I still tend to have those often - though they happen less and less as time goes on - You have been through alot but just think of how far you have come... And taking antidepressants is ok - we all need a little help now and then - and really once you are on them and you start talking to people about them - it just amazes me to see how many people actually take them... Everyone it seems and for so many different reasons... And your boys will be ok - I think they are at a young age - so just telling them simple things like Daddy lives somewhere else is good enough - and I wouldn't think they would really ask anymore questions... as long as they are loved I think they will be ok -and they are adorable boys I just saw them on the MB Photo Thread - so good luck again today... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks nikko and maw64.

It's been a LONG day, but I'm doing better now.

I'll post the good stuff of the day on another thread.

nikko: I'll try and call you tonight... although I might have company (a gal in my townhouse complex... she has 3 kids too, however the oldest turned 12 today, so they may not come by). Oh, and my mum's b-day was on Monday (March 10th). So nikko, by knowing me, you're a NIKKO BIRTHDAY SANDWICH!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Karen

Karen,

I just wanted to say I am thinking of you. I am sorry you are going through pain and sorrow, it is a long hard work through all of this.. not exactly what any of us had in mind, right?

Hugs to you (((((((TOPIE))))))))- you deserve some hugs and some support. Do some nice things for you to help ease this transition.

Right now I am considering a manicure this evening, and since I work ALL THE TIME... I have called my housekeeper back to help me tomorrow, I may start having her back every other week at least... I feel I can't afford it, but I am exhausted. I am feeling self neglected, and Like I just want someone to take care of me!!!

Let your higher power hold you through this. Get to alanon if you can, that certainly helps.. support is what you need.

Hugs, Honey