We spent the week-end together (without the kids) and had a wonderful time reconnecting with each other. I understand that there is no automatic fix to the problems associated with my infidelity and my confession to the wife.

I imagine that what we are experiencing is the same thing that other couples go through, with seemingly unexplainable highs and lows. Over the past several days, I have experienced a revelation. I realize what an amazing person my wife is both inside and out. She is beautiful both inside and out, and I love her very much. I hate it that I did not recognize it until after I had violated her trust.

I feel very strongly that my future lies with my wife and children, but at this point, she is not so certain that her future lies with me. She knows that she wants to work on things with me, and we have both agreed to see a marriage counselor. I recognize that there is only so much that I can do to show her how much she means to me, and that ultimately it is going to be up to her to decide whether or not she can trust me again.

From our discussions over the week-end, I realize that I have been "checking out" of our relationship on a pretty regular basis, retreating to the bedroom after dinner rather than staying downstairs and communicating with my wife. One of the things that we are doing is turning off the television and spending more time talking, and the last four days have been great - I do not miss the TV at all. We are spending quality time together for the first time in I don't know when, and it has been great. The hardest part is the periods of uncertainty that my wife is experiencing as a result of my behavior. She feels that she is not being true to herself for letting me come back home after such a short period away from home. Is it unusual that she let me come back home after only five days away?

bjm,
Her uncertainty will ease over the next months with your consistant, persistant, trustworthy, accountable, loving behavior.

There really isn't any norm to when the WS comes home, many never leave.

That she agrees to counseling is a good sign. Be sure your counselor is familiar with infidelity issues and pro-marriage. It can make a huge difference. Steve & Jennifer Harley offer phone counseling through this site and everything I've ever heard about them is positive, sometimes difficult, but good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is beautiful both inside and out, and I love her very much. I hate it that I did not recognize it until after I had violated her trust.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell her, everyday if you can.

Hi BJM1,

Welcome to MB!

It sounds like you've really done some soul searching... good for you!

Realize that your W will go through many ups and downs as your both rebuild your M... If you haven't read the book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder, it's a great book... you might want to get a copy and read it with your W.

Best wishes to you and your W!

Semper Fi,
RIF90

BJM

Yes it is hard, but that your BS wants to give you another chance is fantastic.

I am the FWS and my H didn't want to do that. I have to live with that regret and pain, plus the remorse and guilt without being able to try and make it up to him.

Tell her and show her how sorry you are - give her what she needs in terms of actions and words to let her rebuild her trust in you.

It is incredibly hard, she will have bad days, as will you. Sometimes I still don't believe that I could have been that person that had an A.

Take care and wishing you well from London.

Lisa

Hi bjm,
my prayers are with you as you begin to rebuild. I don't know the answer to your situation, but my heart tells that that you are headed in the right direction. I agree with lor that you and your W will need a good strong counselor who has dealt with your issues. I have seen it work. Hang in there, keep praying, pray with your wife, take small steps, and begin anew.
wkdk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />