When I moved out my H did not know how to do the bills so his mom took them over, he opened a new checking acct with her so she is in charge of all his money. I lost my kob and just got a new one a month ago so I'm trying to get caught up on all my bills that are 2 or 3 months behind. I haven't given my H any money towards the house but he can afford everything without my money so I thought I could get caught up. I buy food and give him money for gas and tolls and stuff. So anyway a week ago his mom asked him when am I going to start giving him money, he said he doesn't know and she said well she needs to. I asked him if he wanted me to start doing the bills again he said no because he doesn't trust me yet and his mom wouldn't like it. So this week she gave him $100 in our joint acct and I used my acct for something we did but it was going to be overdrawn so I asked him if I could put some money in there so it doesn't and he said sure. His mom calls last night yelling at him about where the money is, he told her and she got mad and said i need to start paying him. This put him in a very bad mood last night and brought up everything. He doesnt think that my reason for the A is a good one but its my honest reason, I was stupid and very weak at the time. His mom says that is not good enough so thats what he thinks. What am I supposed to do. I also read that if an A happens at the begining of a marriage its because unconciosly you are feeling trapped so you do something to make yourself not feel trapped? This is maybe my underlying reason that they are looking for. Any advice , help opinions anything. We were doing really good for awhile until this happened. We were happy together, but mainly when we go out and when we have make love otherwise he says he doesn't want me here because its all he can think of. When we go out though he forgets about for the most part and we ahve fun together. Pleas help!

meko,(i like that name)

I think mom needs to really butt out. Showing concern is one thing but it seems she is going a little overboard.

I am sure your H would be a little wary of you anyway but his mother is not helping. I know that I looked for sympathy when I found out about MLW's A's and he might be doing the same. What better person to coddle you than your mother?

Are you guys going to counseling?

You can't really rush him a long. Be consistent and let him know you are there for him. Talking to you H about the MIL's involvement could be a little sticky depending on how much he is leaning on her. Seems like mom has a lot of control over her "little boy". Finally got her son back and can be a mother again.

That might be your reason for having the A but what he sees and feels is different. I am not trying to be mean here but this is what I felt towards my wife in the beginning, so please don't be offended.

You hurt him on purpose. You knew what this would do to him and you did it anyway. It was cruel, callous and shows you cared nothing for his feelings as your husband. He probably feels betrayed and embarassed. Taking you back might make him look like a fool to his family and friends.

As you said being stupid and weak might be the reason (but I doubt that you are really either stupid or weak).

Has his mother always been involved in your marriage?

Be patient with him. Find a church, most have maritial counselors that you can talk to.

God Bless

D