As my situation is a little bit more complex than just an affair, I want to give a short background. I found emails my husband was receiving from a female coworker. I assumed an affair was happening. I've always been jealous and mistrusting because of things I went through in my past relationships. After finding the emails, I contacted the "friend" and shared my email with my husband. He got upset and moved out. He's went back and forth with being willing to work on things. I've been going to counseling to work on my self-esteem and trust issues since the day he left.

Our last encounter was not good. He says he's not going to try on our marriage. I know he still loves me. He says he's unsure if he can ever forgive me.

So, how can you try to achieve forgiveness? I've apologized for my part in our marriage. I've done everything I know how to do. I've asked for forgiveness, etc. Is there anything else that can be done to "win forgiveness" from you spouse who has been hurt?

At this point, you just have to work on yourself. If he is unwilling to forgive you, that is all that you are able to do. You can't make him forgive you, just be a wonderful wife. Tell him that you love him, and let him see you as you. Not a needy person, but a person who is working on themselves.

Also, if your husband is stating this. This is his way of controlling you. Just ignore, and don't whine. Actions are what he wants to see. Words mean something, but the actions is what he is wanting. So work on yourself, and let what happens happen.

ferbie,
There is nothing you can do. You can't force a person to forgive you. Especially when you have done nothing wrong. I dare say he is just using this as an excuse to exit the marriage so it wouldn't matter what you did. The one who needs forgiveness here is *HIM*, not you, since you didn't do anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with catching someone who is harming you behind your back. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy you.