Interesting...

Everything is catching up to her...and she is tired. She also acknowledges that she has in-laws. I think that there may be some questioning in her mind if she is doing the right thing. I could be reading too much into things, but it's the little things that add up to the big picture.

Hang in there...

MIL called me yesterday evening. Of course, their hour on the phone was mostly Chit Chat. I misunderstood on the dinner part. That's tonite.

So what I learned isn't much. MIL asked a few questions about OM, trying to figure the guy out. Basically all she got was he's been living alone for 9 years, so "The Apartment is nice, but hasn't had a womans touch in a long time.. I'm trying to dress it up a little bit". Must be a LOT nicer than the outside. From the street, the whole building looks like a dump.

WW has met OM's parents. WW's parents don't want to meet OM.

Oh, and got a story that put a smile on my face. WW and OM were at a resturant last week. One of WW's ex-boyfriends from high school before we began dating came in and saw her, but shyed away, keeping his distance and looking at her funny. WW went to the restroom and when she came out, her old boyfriend was stading at the door. He said "I was going to ask how you and ((me)) were doing, but seeing that you're here with another guy I don't think I have to bother asking... Isn't he a bit old for you?"

WW told this story to her aunt yesterday, who passed it on to MIL who called me with it. I have to say it's been the only thing to really put a smile on my face this month.

I believe WW is still going to her parents tonite for dinner. MIL has already said she's going to try and talk and be friendly, but she's going to make it clear she does not like OM, does not want him coming around their house, doesn't want to meet him, and will not approve any relationship WW has with him. She said "If she's going to live this life, she's going to have to get used to the idea that her parents won't support it"

Me? Sitting here, still waiting impatiently, trying to keep myself busy. Actually got asked out on a date this weekend. Was tempted to say yes just to kill the lonliness, but I figure that'd do more harm than anything else.

But how much longer is my heart going to be able to overpower this lonliness and make me wait? I'm a hyper affectionate person who's had 0 affection in half a year now. That + the 22 year old sex drive has me struggling for sanity most of the time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hoping4best:
<strong>Interesting...

Everything is catching up to her...and she is tired. She also acknowledges that she has in-laws. I think that there may be some questioning in her mind if she is doing the right thing. I could be reading too much into things, but it's the little things that add up to the big picture.

Hang in there...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When she said the "catching up to her" I got the impression she ment the last 2 weeks of overtime she's been working. They finally hired a receptionist so she's getting more time off and not having to cover 2 jobs. But doing it for so long has taken a bit out of her.

Sorry, the mind of a BS seems to jump at any little thing sometimes. I used to not be like this.

I'm sorry your WW is acting the way she is. I wonder what OM's parents thought of her, by the way. I know mine wouldn't approve if I ever brought a married woman home to meet.

My MIL seems to be a lot like yours. I can definitely understand why they would feel that way about OM.

I also know how you feel about being young and separated from your W. I know that there have been several women interested in me (and still are from what I can tell), but I'm like you...that's more trouble than it is worth at this point in time.

I have news on my situation that I posted in the Divorcing/Divorced section under Advice Please??? I have new developments, and I'm not sure what action to take.

Hope you are doing well and have smiled more than once this month...just go to the thread on OP jokes and you'll probably get a good little laugh.

Take care.

Any new developments in your situation? Hope things are going okay for you.

Met MIL for lunch yesterday.. She called me @ the office and asked if I would let her treat me to a cheeseburger. WW was at their house for dinner Thursday nite. Dinner went okay, w/ small talk and chit-chat accompanying the meal. Then WW went to her old bedroom to get on the internet and look at laptops. OM doesn't have a computer and she has no net access @ work. She's wanting to buy a laptop for herself. MIL asked WW if she had talked to me about what laptop she should get (I'm a IT director.. computers are my business). WW said she's been around me long enough to know what kind I would reconmend..

MIL though WW was going to ask for money from her savings account to buy the laptop (We gave our parents control of our savings accounts before college for reasons of financial aid applications). She got upset and decided to start hitting WW with questions about OM... Within 10 minutes or so, MIL was bawling and crying, so she went to the kitchen to do dishes. WW came in a little later and they began chit-chat again. Then WW had to go 'home' to OM.

So their dinner didn't turn out very well at all. The only pointed question that MIL asked that seemed to have any shred of hope was "Do you miss your husband?" to which she answered "Yes".

We ate our cheeseburgers and sat talking about my WW for an hour. A year ago, I would have NEVER thought I'd be this buddy-buddy with my MIL. But here we are, talking about sex, birth control, affairs, and all nature of things I never expected to talk about with her.

Relationship wise, WW shows no interest in coming back. She still hates her job. The receptionist quit after just a few days, so she's back to extreem overtime covering both jobs. It's got her tired, stressed, and flat out angry at her company. She said she's deciding if she should resign verbally or write up a letter of resignation.

I've been feeling much better lately. I still love my WW, but right now, I don't see her coming back. I'm to the point that I'm seriously considering dating. She's living/sleeping with someone else. I'm starting to think if she get's mad about me going to dinner and a movie with someone, I don't really care.

Honestly, if she showed me divorce papers right now, I don't think I'd hesitate to sign.

Welp, I guess I made the decision. Here's my journal entry for this morning.

Morning of Unexpected Changes
When I woke up this morning, the only plans I had were to pack up a few things and go to Kentucky this evening for a business meeting I have in the morning. My life plan only extended as far as returning home tomorrow nite. Actually, no, I take that back. I also had plans for a friend to come over friday night and watch Stargate SG-1 with me.

ANYWAY.. let me give just a lil perspective on this first. I've been struggling all weekend. My wife asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago, but stubbornly I told her I wouldn't agree to it. I still felt that there was hope she would someday come home and we could work our our marriage again. All weekend I thought about that decision.

How fair is it for me to hold her into a marriage she doesn't want any longer? How fair is it for me to not live life, waiting on someone who may never return? How fair is it for me to force my wife into a life of sin, living with a man while she's the wife of another? Can I live my life without her? Will I ever find happiness again? How can I make it? Will I ever get her out of my thoughts and dreams? Is this really happening?

Finally, I came to peace on the issue. I still think the marriage could be saved. We could probably make it better than it's ever been, better than any marriage has ever been. IF we both work at it. And she clearly has no interest in working at it. When I married her, I promised to do everything I could to make her happy... to give her anything she wanted that was in my power. Now she wants a divorce. Who am I to stand in the way of her happiness? If it's what she wants, then that's what I want to give her. It's time I stop holding onto a past that just doesn't want to be held. I have a lot of wonderful memories that I will cherish forever. For that, I am truly thankful.

Well, back to the present. My wife called me this morning about 5 minutes after I came into my office. Her boyfriend played a nasty April Fool's joke on her, running in the apartment claiming someone stole his truck. We caught up on eachother's lives for a minute or two, and I told her I had done a lot of thinking lately and asked if she still wants a divorce. She said "Yes, I think so.. Is that what you've been thinking about?" I told her that all I ever wanted to do was make her happy. And if it will make her happy, then I'll agree to sign the divorce papers.

Immediately she asked if I was seeing anyone. I told her no, although I had been asked out by a few women and was considering it. She asked who, so I told her of the two she actually knows. She said "Well, I don't really like them, but if you like them that's all that matters".

I told her I'm certain we can agree on splitting the asset's between us (all that we really have to split is some furniture.. we've already split everything else when she moved out). I told her we could get a divorce kit and file a no-fault divorce without involving the courts, lawyers, or extra fees. I said that I'm ready to move on with my life.

I think I may have shook her up. For the very first time since she walked out on me and began living with another man, she said "I'm sorry I hurt you soo much". I was fine until I heard those words. I havn't been able to stop the tears since. I told her thank you for the apology. Then someone came into her office and said something, and she had to go. She told me to have a wonderful trip and to be careful, and said that we'd talk about this when I get back. I told her "I love you Jessica.." Then said goodbye.

Now here I sit, fighting to stop the tears before someone comes in my office and asks what's going on. I've made my peace. I know that I've done everything I could to try and save my marriage. I've offered my cheating wife every chance to return, and she's refused them all. Only now, 7 weeks after moving in with him, has she even said she's sorry for hurting me. I know that I'll live my life, without her now. I've come out of this a far better person than I went into it. I am more close to God than ever in my life. I have a spiritual strength. I've affirmed my morals, my dignity, and my strength. I'm better educated in the ways of life, love, and relationships. It's been a hard, hard road to travel, but I have reaped the rewards, and will continue to benifit from them thru all my days on this Earth. I hate that it took loosing such a wonderful woman to teach me these things, but they truly are a gift of God.

So now? I live my life again. Welcome to the day of change. The day of the new beginning.

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: JohnnyB ]</small>

JohnnyB,

Well put...I'm in about the same situation as you, only your situation happened at a much faster pace...it may sound strange, but you should be grateful for shortness of agony.

I feel the same way about my wife, and I don't really have any regrets because I gave her every chance to come back. We are signing papers on Thursday, and it really is a big step to take.

You are right, you cannot force someone to be married to you. There is no good to be gained by either party. If she wants the divorce for the reasons she gives, give it to her. It will not be long before she realizes the mistake that she made.

Hopefully, you have come out of this situation with new knowledge and strength. The way I see it, this is the worst possible thing that I can think of happening, and I pulled through and I feel fine now that it is almost over. Do you feel the same?

It is a sad time and at the same time, it is a new beginning. Both scary and exciting...all you can do is pray that God will guide you where you are meant to go.

In a way I see it in a fast pace.. In a way, I don't.

When all our troubles started back in September 02', she basically cut off all EN's she was supplying me. No more affection. No SF. No communication. She built a wall. In a way, I feel like I lost my wife 6 months ago. It was just 2 months ago that I knew of the affair.

Yes, I've processed thru the affair quickly. But I do feel well on the path towards healing. I still love my wife, but she want's to move on with her life with OM. I'm not about to stand in her way, forcing her into our marriage. I know she's going to regret it. One day, maybe she'll even come back to me. Honestly, I don't know if I could take her back now.

I'm looking forward to living again. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and am running towards it now. My parents are going to be thrilled.. it's what they thought I should do the week I found out about OM. Basically, EVERYONE has told me I should be moving towards divorce, except for MIL. She want's to see us back together more than anything. I'm afraid it's going to tear her appart when she hears.

But I'm not going to tell her. WW can tell her mother. Perhaps it will be the opening for them to finally put their Mother-Daughter relationship back together. I truly hope they can rebuild together.

When following God's will, you don't always get what you want. You usually get everything you DON'T want. But that's the amazing thing about God's will. When you don't want it, you still need it. I guess I needed this shock to my life. This rebuilding. I feel like I'm on a new road. Where that road goes, I have no clue. But I'm actually looking forward to finding out.

No one needs this kind of shock, although I think that I am actually coming out of this a better person than I was before. You may be feeling the same way too.

I hope that you continue to stick around the board. You seem like a very level-headed individual.

Hope things turn out well for you.

JohnnyB:

Been a while. How are you doing? How's about an update?

All my best,
-ol' Qfwfq

Update?:

Mostly Miserable. Last conversation with WW was 3 weeks ago to discuss the death of a teacher from our old high school. She's taken no steps towards D and neither have I. She quit her job a few weeks ago, so she no longer works with OM, (although she still lives with him). She's talking with her mother more often, but still, refuses to talk about us, our marriage, or anything to do with me.

A lot of her stuff is still at the apartment. Clothing, personal items, jewelry... She's never came by to pick anything else up. She asked me to start the paperwork for a divorce, so I put together a draft of a Marital Separation Agreement for her back in late April. I gave her a printout and it's not been brought up since. We're still 100% married, but I've not seen her for a while (I went by her office just before she quit her job and dropped off her mail).

I have started dating again, but it feels so shallow and worthless. I keep thinking about my WW and how much I still love her. The depression feels much easier to control now, but it's still there. I still love her so very much, and want despiratly for her to come home.

So my update? Still here.. Still hoping.. Living a new life, but hoping for my old one to come back thru the doors.