My WW brought some more of her things home today. While we were talking she said she was packing the rest of her things at the OM house and had put a call in to her Mom to see if she could stay there for a while. I don't know what to make of that. Her mom is very supportive of our marriage and wants to see us together again. I wonder if this is another stage in her process of coming back home or if this is a way she can continue her relationship and not feel so guilty. I guess it's a good thing overall, the more people she's around that can help influence her to give our marriage another try the better.

<small>[ March 20, 2003, 08:59 PM: Message edited by: starman ]</small>

Starman,

Yes, it is good that you WW is moving out of the OM's house. Take things slowly and don't push her. Have you dicussed a NC letter with her? If not then you need to look at where you are both at and gently talk to her about it. By the way you really need to put a good Plan A together and follow it.

Indy

Anytime a WS leaves the OP and goes to live with a close relative, is indeed good news. For one thing, the romance that fueled the A, has already died and the WS has realized that the OP is NOT who they thought s/he was. And secondly, they are trying to get their mental and emotional bearings to decide what they want to do with their lives, free from any false influences like their OP's. BUT don't expect anything until your WW is willing to follow a plan of marital recovery a la MB. Remember that her actions will tell you if she is really serious about reconciliation.

Thanks Indy and Coffeeman. Just to let you know Indy I've been in plan A for about three months and have gotten pretty good at it if I do say so myself. I appreciate your insight coffeeman. It made me feel better. When her Mother invited her to come and stay with her after she found out about all this she said the same thing to me. After talking with my WW she could tell that he was manipulating her thinking and if she could get out of that house for a while it would help her think more clearly. Hopefully that is what will happen.

Well my WW made it official to me this morning. She is moving in to her Mom's house this weekend. She is not saying much as to why, just that she needs a quieter place to be. I don't think I'll ask her to talk about where she's at right now as far as us or her other relationship. I'll just try to be supportive of her decision and help her any way I can. She obviously is not ready to talk about anything serious right now so I'm going to play it cool. If anybody has any suggestions at this point I would love to hear them.

My WW and I have been spending a LOT of time together over the last couple of weeks. It's been really great overall. Over the last several days it's been so comfortable that it's almost like we've never been apart. We've been doing fun things and also a lot of the normal, everyday tasks that come along with a big family. With her moving into her Mother's this weekend it appears that she is slowly moving in the right direction. The problem is that she has been very tight lipped about the status of her relationship with the OM. I thought that since she has talked to her Mom about moving in that she would have talked to her more about it but she hasn't said anything to her either.

Is now the time to bring it up? I feel that I've invested myself too much into this already if she is not going to end contact with him anytime soon. It's not that I'm not willing to wait it out a while longer, but allowing myself to get this close to her again doesn't feel right if she has no plans for NC. I suppose I could give her a week or so at her Mom's to allow her to get her thoughts together. We need to discuss it but I want the timing to be right. What do you think I should do, anybody?

Starman-
Very good news about your WW moving in with her mother! It is a step in the right direction. It took a lot of courage for her to do that.

As she said, she needs a quieter place, she is trying to get herself together. It may take more time than you'd like, but, IMHO, I think you should let her come to her decisions on her own. No pressing for info on the A or OM right now. You are doing really well with your Plan A, feeling comfortable together, having a good time. You're both seeing what you like about each other. I'd hate to see her withdraw from you if you push her. She knows where you stand about the M, right? She knows you want the M to work. If she initiates any R talk, says she wants to try again with you, then you can bring up NC and any other boundary conditions you have. Until then, keep up the good work. I'm rooting for you!
Lablady

Thanks lablady, you're right. The more I thought about it the more I realized it would do no good to force her to talk about anything right now. Patience is the most important thing in this and you have to focus on the good things that are happening. Wanting everything at once only makes it harder for both of us.

starman I have no advice other than to echo what others have said. Give her some quiet time to think about things, don't push her.

I will pray for you and your W.

Good luck

No pressing for info on the A or OM right now. You are doing really well with your Plan A, feeling comfortable together, having a good time.
Absolutely!

If she initiates any R talk, says she wants to try again with you, then you can bring up NC and any other boundary conditions you have.
You have to talk about the NC/boundaries BEFORE she moves back in or even spends the night, otherwise it will be much more difficult to do.

Thanks to all of you. I will continue what I'm doing and be patient. I had dinner with my wife tonight and things went well again. My wife started talking about her Mother and how she had told her that she would like to see her and I stay together. My wife said she hoped her Mom didn't keep wanting to talk about it when she was there and that made me a little nervous about her Mom pressuring her but there's not much I can do about that. My wife then said she thought she was making pretty good progress with everything. I took that to mean she was starting to feel better about herself and maybe starting to believe that it would be possible for us to work things out. I know at the beginning of this she was convinced that there was no way we could ever get past this. Only through the knowledge I've gained from counseling and all of you here has her slow change of heart been possible!