We have all been under a great deal of stress. Laughter has always been good medicine. Here's a dose of it. Take as much as you want.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now some of these 'should' make you laugh. . . ..


Checking In

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Let's go for stupid

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Caught for speeding

Eager to fill his quota, the cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.

Stuck under a bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are
backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


Drunk?

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk".

The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief -I thought I was a crippl e."

Too Late

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife,"
said the man.

Thanks L! Those were funny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Heard on the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland in California:

Q: Why doesn't Cinderella like to play soccer?
A: Because her coach is a pumpkin!

Kids say the darndes things...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L."
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Okay...here's a little cajun humor for ya'll...

Boudreaux dead, so Boudreaux's wife went to newspaper and got the form to put the obitary in the paper.

Boudreaux's wife wrote on the form: Boudreaux died and hands it back to the lady behind the counter.

The lady looked over the form and said "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but are you sure you don't want to write anything else?"

Boudreaux's wife thought about it for a minute and took the form back from the lady. She preceded to write:

Boudreaux died. Boat, Motor, and Trailer for Sale!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I love 'em all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the giggles.

Aloha,
Orchid.