Redhat, don't go because someone offended. I absolutely admire honesty to the nth degree! You are entitled to speak as you feel. Not all agree with me either, many times here I've been disagreed with. But hey, we all have feelings of different degrees and I say let it out!
I do not look at MB as a place I should come to pacify everyone and keep my mouth shut. NOR will I!
It may be a place to try to save marriages, but it's also a place I view as being able to let the pain out, the feelings that we must keep in so many times at home. And we're all in different stages of trying to heal!
You spoke exactly how you felt And I say BRAVO!
Why the heck should we come here, then [censored] foot around about how we feel? VENTING IS HEALTHY!
So do not let others run you off. NEVER retreat, is my Motto!
Remember, you can please some of the people all the time, All of the people some of the time, but not all the people all the time!
As for me, I'm not here to please anyone! I am here to find info, speak my mind and let my feelings out. And there are many who can validate our feelings as well.
If I may give some pearl of wisdom that helps someone, so be it. If there are those that disagree with me, so be it. It's still a free speech country last time I looked!
Forget those who attack you, and look to those who can be helpful.
We're a mixed bag here, remember that. I am the most outspoken person you will ever meet! But by damn, I'm also one of the most honest!
Do not lie or mince words, but rather tell it just like you feel.
Skip those who attack you. Once again, you are entitled to speak your mind and I admire those who do not hide it.
God bless, LouLou

sheesh, now this is turning into a popularity contest? The point is venting about yourself, or your spouse is fine (albeit questionable for it's usefullness)...however venting on someone else is decidely not ok, and of no value at all. Rich was asking for help, not to be the butt of someone elses venting.... redhat could have made his points (as did you, and I, and most people) without assaulting the poster...and that is what I called him on it, not his personal worth as a human being, or any other useful post he may have made in the past....he was out of line, and how will he know that, if someone doesn't tell him (without sugarcoating which is how he likes his feedback). Now maybe someone wants to argue the point that any of us can say anything we please to anyone, but I don't think they can make the case...do you? Everyone has a bad day, or a bad post, and all we can hope for is someone lets us know that...there is no virtue in free speech that has no concern for the effect that free speech has IMO.

LadyLou, don't worry ... I have a very thick skin ... LOL. I just going away from that thread to avoid being a punching bag. I could punch a lot from that reply but I choose to refrain my self and just speak back on what is not correct said about me.

LurkingAbout, don't know what side of bed I woke up to get this ... I don't vent at rich's wife, I try to point out what is the obvious answer to her questions. Each of us has diferent way of helping others. I take your point too don't get me wrong and I choose to stay away from her thread. And your future threads since I will a waste my time and yours.

Hope this will be my last reply on this thread.
-rh-

<small>[ March 23, 2003, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LurkingAbout:
<strong>sheesh, now this is turning into a popularity contest? The point is venting about yourself, or your spouse is fine (albeit questionable for it's usefullness)...however venting on someone else is decidely not ok, and of no value at all. Rich was asking for help, not to be the butt of someone elses venting.... redhat could have made his points (as did you, and I, and most people) without assaulting the poster...and that is what I called him on it, not his personal worth as a human being, or any other useful post he may have made in the past....he was out of line, and how will he know that, if someone doesn't tell him (without sugarcoating which is how he likes his feedback). Now maybe someone wants to argue the point that any of us can say anything we please to anyone, but I don't think they can make the case...do you? Everyone has a bad day, or a bad post, and all we can hope for is someone lets us know that...there is no virtue in free speech that has no concern for the effect that free speech has IMO.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LA,
So you have Never in your real life ever done this? "made his points (as did you, and I, and most people) without assaulting the poster...and that is what I called him on it, not his personal worth as a human being, or any other useful post he may have made in the past....he was out of line, and how will he know that, if someone doesn't tell him (without sugarcoating which is how he likes his feedback)."

I am sure you have. Remember when we point at others, there are 'usually' 3 fingers pointing back at us (unless some are already missing).

I don't need to defend Redhat. He does an excellent job of doing that himself.

Truth sure hurts to hear sometimes, LA. When it individually comes our way, progress does not help by sugarcoating it if the straight dosage is what is needed.

LadyLou, I don't think Redhat will leave. He is fighter like many of us here. Been through too much in life to let a few words like that tear him down. JMHO. It is nice to see your thoughtfulness and support. Keep up the good work.

take care,
L.

Hey Redhat-

I think it's good that you chose to avoid that post, but I have to say, I think on the whole you give excellent advice. My concern is that sometimes, when we are NOT concerned with how people best receive things (and be honest, who would be likely to well receive "hopefully others will be able to have the stomach to help you" ~ totally paraphrased, but you get my point), you lose the ability to help them completely... because they ignore what you say, or at least discount it. This is a concept you obviously believe in as well, as I assume that's why you said you were/are going to avoid LA's threads. Anyway, I hope you don't think I was trying to bash you; I just said what I said because what you told her was rather harsh ~ too harsh given her present circumstances, I believed. She shouldn't be suprised & what she's got to "look forward to" is going to be very, very hard~ but she doesn't need the wind knocked out of her for it, either. But, that's one of the benefits of MB, I guess. Vastly different personalities with vastly different responses.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I wasn't trying to bash you & if I came off as such, I apologize.

If I know him, Redhat ain't going nowhere. He's taken worse than that and given a lot better. Redhat was here when I first came, which was over two years ago and I loved him then.

His bow is still taught, his arrow still straight and his tongue as sharp as ever. You either love him or respect him, but you can't hate him.

God's love and blessing Redhat.

Whew! LOL I'm glad there are some here who know REDHAT better than I. I've only been around a short while, but I hate to see others being run off!
I'm sure we don't all agree with some all of the time, but it's a very diverse population here!
Knowing the subjects, the pain that many not only endure but are still living through, it's sort of take your chances somedays.
If one happens to be an OP, then you may not hear what you like, depending on who you happen to get replys from.
However, we're not here under a law to agree with each other, and I have yet to see a panel set where we must vote unanimously on any subject!
It's read, read, ask ? and glean what is useful to you, leave the rest.
When the BS is here, and has seen how OP has tried to wreck their marriage, they're not going to be sympathetic to the OW/OM who comes here wondering what happened that their spouse cheats after they've been the one to break the previous marriage.
Some are far more tolerant than others. And that has much to do with where they happen to be that particular day! Some are healing well, others are still dying inside!
If there is to be any tolerance level, and consideration given, it must be extended to the freshly wounded ones as well.
As all BS's know, there are periods of extreme pain and mood swings. One day you can feel compassion for another, and one day you prefer to eliminate them!
It's human emotions being run up and down the spectrum to the nth degree.
Understanding is very important. And that goes for anyone who steps through the door to MB as well. Get ready to get a very wide range of feelings poured on you!
As the old saying goes, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!
God bless. LouLou

Interesting that a new poster can create one little thread, not only 'not' respond to redhat, but not reply to any other poster who offered advice and that thread cause such an uproar.

That aside, I clearly see and understand redhats reply about posters having the stomach to post to that thread. I think this may have been what redhat was trying to convey when he made the "stomach" remark. That not only would BSes possibly feel that she got what she deserved based on her own past(what goes around comes around)but they could feel some discomfort in giving advice to that person.

RH has been here a long time and I know he always wishes to help suffering people learn MB ways in order to have the best chance of saving their marriages. His vocabulary may be less than some, which may cause one to question something he says. But he wants to give back the best he can.

Sheesh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ March 24, 2003, 03:56 AM: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</small>