Plan A needs to be used for many months. Don't be a doormat either. Do things that you want to. And don't do things that upset you. You have boundaries too. Make him feeel special. And your wants will have to wait. He isn't going to give you anything. That is the hard part to accept. I know, been there, done that, through it all.
If I were to do Plan A, I would of done it differently. But I am a sensitive person, probably like you, and the betrayal really hurt. This is worse than death. You will find yourself hurting so much. But take it a day at a time. Do something for yourself everyday. That is wehre I made a big mistake. I was doing everything for my hsuband and nothing for myself. I was becoming a doormat to him. And I really think he knows that. Cause once he posted that I would do anything he said.
So do things for yourself. And show your hsuband that you are capable of being yourself, without having him around all the time. Find yourself enjoying life. Like just taking a walk. Come back and proudly with a smile I saw the most beautiful lizard today. Or the butterfly, was gorgeous. Do things like that, and show him that you are strong, and viable. Show him that you care about him, but still are your own identity. That is where I screwed up.
Your pain is so real. What you feel is worse than death. During my hsubands affair, my father was very ill. And after his affair ended, my father died. I was dealing with 2 betrayals. And I will tell you one thing, my dads death was not as bad as my husbands betrayal, and calling me names, and hte kids names. And all the babble he did, and all the ballistic attitudes he threw at us. This was so wrong on his part. And to know that my hsuband slept with another woman, while being married to me, that hurt. But now I know that that other woman is nothing. She is just an ugly fat married woman that used my hsuband.
I respect my husband, and I didn't use my husband. I loved my husband and still care very deeply about my husband. You do too, so keep a smile on your face. Show him you are strong, and can make a go of life.
Your husband is sooo.... deep in the fog. Help him get through the fog and move towards you. Without you being dependent on him. Good luck, and cry, cry all you want. That helps get the hurt out. I did plenty of that, and it helped. To this day, I try not to cry in front of my husband, because I don't feel safe with him. There are many issues he is going through, and one of his issues is ANGER!!! I am somewhat afraid of my husband. There is reason for that. So don't get in that position of being afraid of the one you love. Be strong, and God will help you. God has helped me, and I found a great group of people at church.
Hope this has helped. If not, we all will try to help.
