First of all, finding MB on the net will probably save my marriage. Thank you!

My wife of 21 years had been acting very strange for about a month and then finally last week hit me with the news - she had what she described as a "fling" with someone who she comes in contact with during her job as a sales rep. To be honest, I wasn't too surprised, as we are each other's best friend and I knew that something was seriously wrong. She tells me it's over, but that she fell in love with him and experienced feelings that she hadn't felt since she was 19. I know she is in withdrawal now and I've done everything I can to give her time and space while the pain of loss subsides. But, it's incredibly hard. I still love her so and she tells me that I am a wonderful man, a wonderful father and she can't believe that I've taken this "mistake" so well.

My job during the past year took me away from home about 30 times for 4-5 days at a time and it definitely took its toll. She told me so. After reading MB, I realized that with my travel and then coming home, I was making entirely too many withdrawals from the Love Bank and not making nearly as many deposits and I should have. I understand now why my wife was so attracted to the other man.

We both agree that we want to stay together, but she still has times when she feels she should leave, but doesn't give me any real reason why she should. She tells me it's definitely not to be with him as he is a newlywed [married less than one year with a new child - and he's got some serious problems] and that he wants to make his marriage work as well. My wife is so hurt. She keeps saying it was a mistake. Is it right to feel sorry for her?

It's only been one week since she dropped the bombshell. Will it get better for her? As for me, I've stopped traveling as much and I'm home all day while she is still out working and it's very tough for me as well, sitting at home by myself, working. Although my trust in her is at this point quite a bit shattered, I know I will trust her again.

One last comment. I've learned so very much from reading the MB website and my wife has agreed to begin reading from it as well. I may not know exactly why she did what she did, but I am beginning to learn more about my contribution to the affair.

My H's guilt grew steadily for first few months. But through IC he learned to turn it in a positive direction. As for fog and withdrawals..thanks goodness that only lasted a week or so. He came out fast and saw her, her, him and A for what it was...an escape fantasy...then hard work of processing the A, learning his part and my part in it, working on our individual problems, dealing with pain and fallout all set in.

We worked really hard at recovery, both were 100% comitted. My FWH and myself both read all MB stuff, read SAA, Torn Asunder, Infidelity, Emotional Intelligence, counseled with Steve Harley (did all MB homework), did individual IC and MC. It was exhausting emotionally and physically but it was worth it.

We had a record breaking recovery...3 1/2 months from dday we considered ourselves recovered. Were released from MC last week, I was released from IC last week and H is wrapping IC up in a couple more sessions.

Please have faith that if you work hard, smart and fast as a team...you can get through this quickly and end up with even stronger M and happier relationship.

Best Wishes!

I am beginning to learn more about my contribution to the affair.\
That would be exactly nothing. You had NO contribution to the affair. It was solely her decision to do it. It was a bad choice she made on her own.

The state of the marriage relationship you can share equally with her.

I recommend you read Survivng An Affair and these links.
Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts and Steps to Recover from an affair/infidelity in marriage