Well, after my first post to the list (my wife had an EA/PA 3 months into the marriage with a mutual friend, it lasted almost a year, then she moved out of state on me), I thought there was zero hope. I felt as if there was no way in the world we could ever work anything out. She was dead set on D. Everything was my fault. Her friend encouraged this.

Believe it or not, after 1.5 months, many of the techniques here are slowly starting to work in the tiniest of baby steps. We are now talking twice a week. The conversations are going well. She allowed me to buy her a gift this week as well (a gift certificate for massages). She told me that she had done a lot of things wrong, had been living in a fantasy, and that maybe joint counseling would be a good idea. I guess this is good progress towards making an informed decision about our lives going forward.

The difficulty lies in my internal strength. I am having to drive it all, and make these tiny steps. I want it to move so much faster, but I realize that it can't and I must use restraint. The distance between us, with only phone conversations, makes it that much harder. She does not want me to come to her new town, and I am respecting that. I am having great difficulty maintaining my strength through this, since I feel I am giving it my all. I am getting tired.

Any advice on how to maintain strength through this? BTW, I am not religious in nature....

Eric

Eric,
Take a break !. Go skiing or take mini vacation to let your mind away from her. You need to recharged your emotional health. If you are afraid that you are going to think of her during vacation then take a break by doing a very busy & away from your daily chore !. One suggestion is contact your local Habitat for Humanity and enlist to work for a few days.
-rh-

Keeping as busy as possible is a good idea. Also read everything you can so you can understand your feelings and just as importantly your wifes feelings as you go along. This helped me a lot. All the articles on this site is a good place to start. If you can afford counseling that is something you should do as soon as possible. It will help you get a clearer picture of where you would like to go with this. Having some sort of plan is very good emotionally. Finally remember that this is a process and you are just learning. Believe it or not you will get stronger as time goes by. Good Luck.