cg,
All BS has your questions ... Will WS/OM be happier than WS/BS ?. Will WS ever acknowledge their fault ?. It eats up BS's ego. Yes, not until WS hit rock bottom (hard time) they would not realize what they have done. Yes, if OM is very skillfull in replacing all of the her ENs that you had provided plus some others ENs that you had missed then WS will see you as a dust in the wind.
I take it from diferent angle and find answer myself. You have to see if A would be in M and if OP is skillfull to bring their A (passionate love) to the next level. Many factors in here depends on your situation. But I will give you the stats then I will give you my take. As you know only 5% of A will end up in M, and the second one is only 25% of all marriage couples consider themself happy. Probably lower if you count the one lie on the survey (out of 2500 couples). And only 50% of all marriage will end up in Dv. So your WW will have 5% to have M, 2.5% stay M 'till death, and
1.25% happy in her M.
Now my 2¢, what it takes to make A based M to work ?. It is ironic, like any marriage, 4 gifts of love plus clean emotional health going into M. Now, granted that both is willing to do 4 gifts of love the later one is hard !. The emotional baggage of trust, baggage of guilt and all the bagages that break prior M. No wander it is 1.25% vs 25% deems happy M.
Look at my situation. My ExW learns MB and tries to use it with OM and become OW from hell. I told OMW that she won't be able to compete, the same with me since my exW didn't allow me to fillin any of her ENs. They have "clean slate" R, that what they say, my ExW is counting on Radical Honesty. OM had been through conseling with MC that uses MB (he betrayed his wife and going to conseling) and he is getting more dangerous since then. It should work isn't it ?. Nope. First, OM is career philanderer due to his childhood trauma. When he was 13 he was abused by 17 years old girl then the girl slept with his father and broke his family. I have a strong suspision that he was sexually abuse by his mom too. He knows how to make woman believe his lies. He is kindda phycopathic philanderer, when he get the woman then he start physical/verbal abuse them to control them while he is looking for the next pray. So goes out the window of radical honesty, he could do "clean slate" million times. This is a baggage that hard to fix and sometimes never. Second, he didn't do honesty with my Ex. He still persuing his first exW (sleeping with her) and persuing his latest exW. Third, my W converstation EN (#1 EN) is filled by his mom, 82 years old ... if she dies OM would not be able to fillin. Fourth, domestic support and family support is not his natural EN, as matter of fact is low on his. Fifth, OM is broke and after my severance runs out, he has to fillin my ExW financial support, good luck !, he is broke paying SS&CS. With all of this lining up plus missing "honesty" on his part even as we speak ... their R will not last. The longer their R is the more pain she will get ... it is not crash & burn anymore but crash & explode. I suspect they will get M or even A will last very long ... until his lies showed up. His exW just found out that OM was bisexual ! he slept with gays !. She got confirmation from her freinds that hide it from her ... what a freind !. I wonder if OM told my ExW about it when they do "clean slate" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .
This is why I beleive in MB method. It is painfull doing plan A then plan B ... but if it doesn't work you are ready to move on w/o guilt or emotional baggage that you would bring it to your next R. The impact to WS is very bad !. Any slight problem, WS will remember your plan B letter and wonder why they didn't come back. WS usually take their problem right into their new R.
LurkingAbout could explain it to you in more detail. I saw his post to hopefull_person and he strongly beleive that M based A could be a fullfilling M. I do beleive it too. If they follow 4 gifts of love and if they could overcome their emotional baggage left over from prior M. Those 2 are
big IFs with a very low chance of suceeding to fullfilling M.
I am avoiding Karma based and scripture based words or reasoning to calm your heart down. I don't really want to argue with LA.
-rh-
Note: Answering your post, yes the longer WS stays with OM the less chance WS will be back. Only OM LB big time or situation fried their A.
<small>[ March 27, 2003, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
