I just don't know what to believe. I feel so low, so small, so ugly.....

25 days ago OW told WH she would no longer email him, but she says he can keep emailing her.

22 days ago I went to see OW. Told her if she loves WH, I can't stand to see him hurting--he's yours; she said no. Discussed w/ her she's not being fair to WH; as long as he can email her, he still has hope; I can't stand to see him hurting, please let him go -- she did.

20 days ago I confessed to WH I went to see OW after she quit emailing; he has resentment toward me -- says now he'll never know for sure if she made up her own mind.

18 days ago he wrote 4 page letter to OW and waited to see her as she left work; she confirms no contact. 16 days ago I moved in with a friend. 15 days ago he felt too guilty and asked me to come home while he moved to extended stay hotel. 8 days ago he says too depressing in hotel so moved back in; says counselor agrees with him.

Then things seem to be getting a little better between us; though certainly not intimate. Friday while emptying trash I find a piece of a torn up letter to OW. I see my name and a reference to not telling me something. I ask WH about it; he says he can't remember and why won't I quit trying to find something negative in every little thing. He says he doesn't even know if he still has a copy of the letter. I found the file on the computer, I think, and I save it. I just can't bring myself to read it, though. I have not been reading his emails or computer files since I went to see OW. I finally broke the habit, but now I am tempted again. If I read it I know I'll find him pouring his heart out to her, his soul mate, he'll never love anyone like he loves her....I just can't take reading such things again. Unbelievably, Friday night we actually got intimate; he still insists he loves me. Then Sunday when I tried to be affectionate, he rejected me. I just don't know what to think. I think he is trying to forget OW and I realize he's going through a depression and things can't happen overnight. But how do I do this? After 11 months of this back and forth, I'm so tired of waiting. I don't know how much longer I can take the rejection. How can I trust him when I read pieces of what he told OW that make me think he's hiding something else? How can I trust him when he tells me he loves me? I just wish there was something I could do.