I am a first time poster, so forgive me if I've misplaced this post. I am divorced and have been in a new relationship for about 6 months now. We tend to argue too much now. She's going through alot and trying to get her affairs in order. We do live together. Recently, after a pretty bad argument, she took off hastily to just get some time to herself and while she was gone out of anger, I fooled around on the internet via a messenger program. I don't even remember the conversation that I had, but my other half came over it while logging in and checking my archives. Now this has rightfully caused her to lose trust in me. She knows I'm very strongly opposed to straying in a relationship and she couldn't understand how I would do such a hypocritical thing. I'm very mad at myself for doing such a hurtful thing to her. She's not sure what she's going to do, go or stay. I believe she is going to stay and walk the long hard road with me to recovery. Atleast that is what I hope for. I don't know that I really have any questions, but it feels good to me to just write it all out. I know this is a very limited synopsis of the situation, but any feedback is welcomed. Thanks in advance!

What is she going thru? Is she ending another unfaithful relationship? You need to read all here. This would fall under the policy of joint agreement and complete honesty with mate. Welcome, by coming here you risk having a better relationship and not repeating mistakes of the past. Were you divorced already when you met? If not, there is your answer-

She's going through alot right now. A little over a year ago her oldest son was killed by her then boyfriend. His trial was just in February. After the death of her son, she lost her other two kids, and is now working on getting them back. It's just alot to deal with and I hope I've been helping her get through it a little easier anyway. We met after I was divorced a little while.

There are a LOT of deep issues that your are dealing with in your new relationship. 6 months is VERY fresh. And by what you've written, that means that she had only been out of her R with her ex for 6 months at that point... AFTER the ex killed her son!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I too have lost a son. He was almost 4 yrs old, and passed away in his sleep, and no cause of death was ever determined.

And, from my personal experience with that, I can assure you, that there is no way that your partner can move forward healthy in a relationship (R) until she has dealt with the issues regarding her son's death. Is she seeing a greiving counsellor?

At the minimum, I would suggest that BOTH of you go to see a professional counsellor to create a plan with, and to help you both hone in on the "why"'s of what you both do. I'm not sure about her, but for you, you might want to find out why you sought the attention of an OW online, as opposed to (almost) ANYTHING else?

None of us on here are counsellors. We are all part of a fantastic SUPPORT group, and we would be more than happy to welcome you as a member here. We want to help each other, b/c it helps us in our healing. But sometimes, there are things that are far beyond the capabilities of MarriageBuilders concepts. I'm thinking that is the case in your situation (as it was in mine... but I was determined to prove it wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Take care, and keep on posting. Yes, it DOES feel wonderful to share and get it out, doesn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

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