Hey Redhat,

I would greatly appreciate your feedback/wisdom human/male input!

Please see my son's self posting on board under my user name. Called Son has question.

Since I have shared some on the challenges which my son and I had contentions over regarding his dad negative influences/misconduct issues/impact on him. Another serious dimensional conflict/challenge has surfaced.

As I read your early Bio, I became aware that you have had to work through some other difficult issues on a deep personal/soul male human level which you have had victory over. Apart from everything else going on in his life& deep sensitive shame wounds which he is holding onto because of his dad's rejections. His heart is most broken.

My son is also struggling with the same similar issues, which I noticed recently have crept up and have a deep grip in his soul.

Since I am mom, female and my son has received wrong messages from my STBX/wrong crowd of men in his life my influence/voice goes only so far.

He now feels at a loss of what real normal men are supposed be like and lately more conscious that he has been invalidated of true spirit of manhood,struggles, victories that men must face because of wiring differences. And doing mega
soul searching to find his male/personal idenity and at the crosscroads of life.

The darkeness has settled in and the fog is thick.

Additionaly, he feels that he has only myself/mother as solid influences but feels a little overwhelmed by all our female strong engeries. Which I have the upmost understanding/compassion for him.

Sadly, he now feels the tremendous void on some levels with the lack of absense of healthy males in his life. The voids of course have always been there but now perhaps he feels much safer to explore.

I don't wish to emasculate him and realise that we all must fight the battle within ourselves which is applicable to us all male/female.

Since he is an adult and I his parent. I am mindful that at this stage of life we naturally come off the field and take the prayerful sidelines of life coaching our kids on, keeping in step with the grand design of cleave/leave for the next legacy to take it's place and choose a course to continue generational curses/blessings being agents of free will.

They say it takes a whole village to raise a child equip them into their flight into adulthood. What a truth...

I couldn't be happier that my son has choosen to be wise and reach out a bit to a wonderful community here at MB. This is a giantic stride and leap of faith, for him as obviously trust is a big issue for him, perhaps a trial balloon to test waters/find safety.

Understandbly, as one does not just lower and drop their armor just anywhere and expose ones wounds.

I am greatly comforted to know he will not be led further astray and will receive abundant pearls, and gold of warmth,rest and precious wisdom/truths to equip him for his ascent into adulthood/life, if he so chooses to head council.

Broken wings need time to mend before the heart can fly...

Millions of thanks in advance... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

mayflower,

Just to let you know. I would reply after I drived my 2 D to their schools. Hang in there.

-rh-

Mucho,mucha gracias! Thanks for connecting. Relief!

Have a nice drive getting your D's off to school. I on the otherhand must now leave to pick up my D from her school. Will be home soon, as I trek through the snow and wonderland. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

mayflower & mayflower Jr:

Have any updates ? -rh-

Redhat,

I am most grateful for to you in coming along side my son in his private battle, generously share/impart straight forward manhood truths and getting to meat of the matter of collision impact of betrayal father's wounds, invaldation and rejection.

My son ended up spending the previous eve at his grandmother's and came home the next day. Upon his arrival first task was to read your post, which as we read together which undoubtly was deeply moving and very stiring to him on a deep personal multidimensional soul level.

Thus far he is now very silent, since the certain truths have touched on parts of his heart which severely is damaged/shut down and still bleeding emotionally from the sideswiping rejection of his dad lies,misconducts and personal wrong doings to him.

Lots for him to digest but his for once unusal silence, indicates if I am to interput correctly he has accepted some of the challenges to retreat within and now searching deeper probing/ processing your words/contents.

He is not familiar with any of MB concepts
Therefore, has not the imformation, lacks knowledege of what actual (EA) or giver/taker is and radical honestly. Most resistant/very relucant to read at this point. Deep untended wounds of rejection lie very much at the surface and confirm his worst nightmare that he has been very greatly influenced by his father.

His self protection armor is very much firmly in place but not aware his heart is still full exposed.

Since he has been silent I am respecting his boundry of silence for the moment. As he is unwares by the fog he is to the extent of his denial on many levels.

The cord that touches the most here the suggestion that he connect with a respectable male or uncle. This is also a major problem has he has no mature trusted males to turn to. The 4 uncles which he has on his dad and grandfather side are equally disturbed as his dad, lechery, alchol/drug abuse, violent models towards women/children. So the sons in this case are only living out their father duplicity/betrayal script.
Sins of the father still plays out.

I on the otherhand am only child. Interesting, though that you should bring up your father behavior of deceits/betrayal.

Really touched a nerve with me as well and provided me with greater connection as my step father disclosed to me when I was 12, one night when he was drunk that he had (PA) with a 15 yr old girl and impreganted her when he had left my mother to overseas many years ago. Of course my world crashed in and I made the similar vows to myself which you did. Erected walls of steel between both my parents and disconnected from them.

Unfortuantly, what isn't being shared in my son's post is that this 40 ish woman, constantly calls him, emails him, meets up with him to dancing at the nightclubs, last weekend taken him to a hockey game with her 9 yr old son. She knows he likes hockey and his love for children angling on this side. Shares all her men woes, unsuccesful dates, her life history problems, she also has a 18 yr old daughter as well, I presume from two different men.

The first time she called here she was trying to diguse her self and pass self off as one of his peer buddies. I imediately got to the point. I was quite direct with her,called a spade and spade said " so your the cougar preying on my son". She laughed and said that she had never heard that term before. Etc.... told her to feed somewhere else.

Obviously, she has been much more aggressive since up her seduction, manipulation tactics.

When my son and I were at the bookstore I picked up a book called cougars. A female sex predator step, step guide of how to pick up young men, etc for sex, how to bait them in. I showed him how predicatable she is in her hunting, and why she has selected him as her target. Obviously, this didn't make to much of impression on him, not sure.

So it's not just a innocent friendship as protrayed on her part,as it appears to be nor are her intentions she wants a boytoy indeed. After my first dialouge with her she then had the audicity to show up to my house, sent her 9 yr old son to my door to get my son to go to the hockey game. I was under the impression he was going with his college buddies. I walked up to her beat up car and where we had direct eye contact.

The women is highly disturbed and emotinally imbalanced.

Anyways, had a bad evening with my son last night as he went out with the guys from work had a little to much to drink. Came home chatting up a storm, he noticed she had called him and he called her up in front of me. I said that she is not to call here again nor will I tolerate her immature, disrespect and disconnected all my emotions and went to bed to pray.

I am on my way to counceling so will post more later.

I don't consider her intentions to be purely plantonic but the upstart of using subtle means of very unhealthy emotional connection.

My bandwidth to handle my STBX garbage and this is nausetating.

Prayers appreciated.

mayflower,

Don't be despaired ... Your son hear you well and he just digests it. Keep repeating what you beleive in and one of this day he will realize it. Yes, it is alot of work but we have no other choice or option. As for male figure ... it could be sport coach, pastor or older member of the church. Yes, predator is looking for pray that comes from "unstable" home or "unstable" back ground.

Our father who are in heaven. Please lord forgive us and our sin those that we are aware lord and sin those that we are not even aware about it. Lord, forgive our ancesteral's sin that passed to us for us and our offspring could worship, glorify and joy in YOU. Bless us and our offspring, Lord, with wisdom to avoid repeating this burden and let it stop with us. Bless us with wisdom to understand that in YOU we could take refuge and you will never forsake us. Specificly, Lord, help mayflower Jr. to seek YOU and take refuge with YOU. For YOU there is no evil would dare to tempt him and bring him to the cycle of pain and hurt. In the name of Holly Spirit and Jesus Christ we ask you. Amen.

Hi Redhat,

Thank you once again for the out reach and adding such beautiful prayer which really spoke to both of our hearts and very meaniful. Right on target. I feel most inspirated and uplifted.

My son has landed today, much more in tune with himself and coming to place of recogintion of how wounded he really is. I thank God for helping him threw this valley. A giant step towards self honesty and road to healing.

As we all know tis never a pleasant experince to be lost in the fog, wounded and confused. Worst when our navigational compasses are off magnetically pointing us in the opposite directions to follow and the emotional landscape look ok/safe.

When all the predators appear like clockwork scavangers sensing the scent of "unstablity wounds" they move in. Most discouraging, especially when the parent/family members are one's too..I have fended off so many all ready, and our home life is certainly become the wild frontier.

His response today that he is still digesting all his responses. That is a good thing- I will leave it there.

Had a wonderful session with our councelor-my spirits have picked up considerly and shared the situation he would very much like to see my son together or him indiviually. If my son will conscent to connect we could well move through the pit.

He certainly would be an appropiate male person as well, as the other suggestions for male connections unfortuanatley not in the loop or has these types of contacts at this time.

He is off to his dad's for dinner tonight at his playboy lair, so it will be another battle tomorrow. Looks like I will have to hide out and wait for his negative engeries/encounter with his dad connection influence pass over.

Appears that I will have to be more skilled at ducking and dodging the bullets, on bended knees this evening.

Smiles, and millions of thanks for your positive energies, prayers and being generous will your time/wisdom!

Battle rages on...

Hello again,

Just when we thought we were headed in the right direction, my son and I have hit the rocks. I did a copy,paste, re-print out of your prayer for my son, posted in on the frig for him.

I just re-posted to day trying to collect my self from this weeks battle. I feel so numb, battered and am in shell shock. I am feeling so traumatized that I couldn't even write, or edit straight.

I couldn't believe that my son rejected our councelors offer to address the issues thought his apparent silence was his processing. Sunday he got worse, Monday was nightmare, the rest of week has been in the trenches.

I didn't realise that he would internalize to the degree he did and emplode. It would appear that your comments really touched a deep wound perhaps a deeper nerve. Never thought he would turn around and do an about face.

Saturday eve he connects with his dad. Monday night connects with him again over dinner/drinks to vent about our situation, and his telling his dad about his woman friendship where he got thumbs up, dump your mom, move in son with your , pursue your women. Comes back at me in vengence, in fury how dare I meddle in his affairs.....

I am stunned/shocked exhausted. His remarks to me last night were outrageous.

Wondering if you have read per chance the book
"Wild At Heart" John Elridge. Powerful book my son picked up and finished reading on Saturday that had him in tears, tears, tears...

The book spoke to his wounds in such way... where he was starting to put things together. So this reaction blows me away totally.

I am the unfortunately his target....

If you have a moment you won't belive the about sudden turn around. I had to call the crisis line mental health mobile crisis unit to help me through

Thanks for your support.

mayflower,

You son is late in his emotional development, usually boys going crazy & seeking identity at much earlier age. You can't help him at all, all you could do is hope that all you have thought him will bail him out in time of crisis. And let him know that you love him but you don't condone his behavior.

What did he do to you ?. Blame you ? ... I would not let that disrespect upon myself. I hope he didn't get the idea from your plan A (too long). This Sunday, HallMark special, I think it is ABC ... watch it together with him. It would make you understand ... he is hurt but you don't let it become an excuse to leash it on you.

-rh-