I had an PA 3 years ago, wife had one 18 months ago...realized we were in trouble and started councilling alone, wife wanted me to leave, once the fog lifted she saw the changes I was making were real and we started councilling together. The sessions were more about improving ourselves then our marriage. My wife said she just couldn't get her "in Love" feelings for me back. We became graet friends and enjoyed each others company but there was no intimacy. Last summer out of the blue she said the feelings were back and our marriage seemed on it way to recovery. Six months ago the feelings were gone again and she was in councilling to get off anti-d medication, we had decided to work on the marriage after she was off the meds. Three weeks ago she told me she wanted to separate. I discovered she had been having an affair. It has ended and we went back to counselling, counsellor told her to make a decision, either commit to saving the marriage or split. two days later she said she wants to save the marriage but she doesn't have the intimate feelings for me. We are going to start marriage counselling but I'm scared, I don't want to go through another affair, she said that wouldn't happen but right now I don't know what to believe. We talked for hours last night and she wants to stay married but doesn't know why she won't except all I have to offer, we can't go on like this indefinetly, I want this to work or I wouldn't still be here...can anyone comment on going through anything remotely similar, cooments and suggestions would be greatfully received.....

I can only offer that you are not alone in this situation. I am the BS, FWH had an EA/PA that lasted over two years. He says he doesn't care if he ever talks to her again, but no NC letter either. She continues to try and stay in touch.

FWH has told me he doesn't see me as a lover, that he has desire for me at times but is not comfortable with SF. If I start it, he will go along and does enjoy it, but just doesn't have that desire for me that he once did. Is very worried that it will never come back.

I don't have any advice. I have been doing the best I can to be a great wife and a better person. I am affectionate with him, don't LB (hardly at all!) and try to initiate SF when I want it, but remain open to his not being interested. If that is the case, I don't get upset, or at least don't show it and keep thinking about how it must feel to be loved by me. I think over time my showing him that I truly respect his feelings, am willing to hang in there come hell or high water and hopefully his distancing from OW and realizing that sex comes from fantasy, excitement and newness, will allow his feelings to return.

Did you read "SAA"? They talk in there about feelings coming and going. I try to take it one day at a time. This too shall pass, so enjoy the good moments and blow off the bad, knowing it won't last either.

Take care!

Thanks for the replies...counselling went well last night and I am taking each day as it comes..
god bless