Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

JACQUES CHIRAC: The chicken has rights, mais oui? We care not whether the chicken crosses the road since we will claim her eggs regardless of on which side of the road she lays them, n'est pas? Should les Americains succeed in seizing them, we shall insist on coq au vin!

TONY BLAIR: It is clear to Her Majesty's government that the chicken has disguised and hidden her eggs, which, under extraordinary circumstances, particularly on All Hallow's E'en, can certainly be used as weapons of mass destruction.

COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it --the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM). Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens, along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry, to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was the solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man the chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road". And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

HILARY CLINTON: It's a Right "Wing" conspiracy.

THE WEATHER CHANNEL: El Niño is responsible for altering the regular North American migratory patterns of chickens, thus causing the chicken here in question to cross the road contrary to normal behavioral trends.

THE SIERRA CLUB: The inaction on the part of Congressional Republicans to proactively engage the issue of Global Warming and to forge a bi-partisan coalition to resolve the dangers associated with worldwide climatic changes is responsible for the chicken forsaking its natural habitat for the opposite side of the unnatural, immoral, man-made roadway. Furthermore, the Sierra Club wishes to formally petition responsible members of government to officially designate this particular stretch of road as "Endangered Chicken-crossing Habitat" and permanently restrict public access to this region.

AL GORE : I was there helping the Chicken - to make sure it got across the road safely.

GEORGE W. BUSH: I want everyone to know that [censored] Cheney and I would have a much, much, better foreign policy than the chicken.

<small>[ April 04, 2003, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

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Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
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It was a double crosser.

Salvadore Dali: Spaghetti

Why did the yuppie cross the road? ...Someone told him to.

Why did the hippie cross the road? ...Someone told him not to.

Why did the punk rocker cross the road? ...he was stapled to the chicken.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
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To prove it wasnt chicken.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
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To show the possum it could be done!