Can anyone tell me what gives my H the right just to get up and take off and not contact or tell anyone where he is staying? He leaves me here after getting surgery and does not call or see the kids. I am so depressed and upset I don't know what to do. Please help me understand.

Nothing or no one gives him that right. Those in the fog, just take it. Think it is their right. Which of course doesn't make it right.

So the question: If it not his right but he is doing it anyway, what should I do?

Answer: Nothing.

U just had surgery. Take care of yourself. Don't worry or fret about him. It isn't worth it and it certainly won't help you heal.

take care,
L.

Well tonight I got some harrassing phone calls from him and his gf, he loves her and they are buying a house together, he wants $3,000.00 out of 4400.00 from our income tax check, when he only worked for 2 months last year because he broke his arm at work and got disability insurance and workmans comp and I worked all year. He says because I cheated on him I will never love anyone and never had. Why should I give money to spend on her? Then she had the nerve to smash my sun glasses, because I left them in my h's truck yesterday when he took me for my surgery. I guess I should give up and realize he doesn't love me anymore, he loves her.

Oh and also my H said him and his gf are going quading tomorrow and he wants our kids to meet her and go quading with them. He can't do that when he never sat down with them and told them he is living with another woman that is his gf.

Goldi,

Sounds like he is on a downward spiral. If you don't want to go that way with him, I suggest you withdraw from him. Look at plan B options. Distance yourself and learn to protect yourself and the children. If she smashed your glasses, it could be her way of trying to show you she has some control but what it is really showing you is that she doesn't have full control and is looking to push your buttons. It is just a pair of glasses. The more important things in your life are the safety of you and the children.

Sounds like your H and the GF are in need of $$$. Aren't we all? Well you protect your assests and cover your rears. They may even resort to stealing from your home.

Don't let her push your buttons, but let her try. Strengthen yourself and call in the support troops. Have a heart to heart talk with your children. They could be the A's next target.

Get with a good MC or chat with Steve or Jennifer.

If he can jump from taking you to the hospital to living with her this quickly, something sure doesn't smell right.

take care,
L.

How do you chat with Steve or Jennifer? My h started living with her in December, then in January he came back home for 2 weeks, then went back to her, and then March 4th (our 14th wedding anniversary), he called and said things were getting really bad there and he came home until this past Monday when he went back to her.

Goldie, I agree with Orchid, you need to take steps to protect you, and ESPECIALLY the children, from this insanity. Your husband is either a bottomed out alcoholic or he is insane [not mutually exclusive options either]. He is simply not capable of having a normal, sane relationship with anyone. Therefore, you need to keep those kids away from this situation and protect them. This is sheer insanity and Plan B is the only answer. The worst thing in the world you can do is practice Plan A on a practicing alcoholic. Please get to an Alanon meeting, Goldie, they will be your greatest help.

Goldie...I wholeheartedly agree with Orchid. He can go from taking you to the hospital to living with her and wanting to share his kids with her? Something's just not right about that scenario.
I suspect she's putting the pressure on him big time. She's desperate to get inside his life so as not to lose him. He'll soon tire of that-wouldn't we all...

My H's behavior followed the same pattern. He was so confused. He would go from one day so thankful that he was home to the next day wanting a divorce so badly he couldn't stand it. The last time he left I made him swear that he would never ask to come home, contact us, and proceed with the divorce with full steam. He raised his hand in the air, swore that he hated my guts, and never wanted to lay eyes on me again. Within 3 days, he was blubbering like a baby and begging to come home.

I too had surgery during my H's fog and he acted awful. He told me I had to get my own ride to the hospital. My friends were appalled and now when he thinks of what he did, he's appalled too.

The fact that he told you things were getting bad there tells so much. I know it's hard because I've been there but just give it time, let her love bust and show her true colors (he's already got a glimpse of her colors-it's just the fog that clouding his perception), and most importantly protect yourself and your children.

Don't give him any money and don't endorse the tax return check! Stay away form ow, she's obviously unbalanced and keep your children away too. Don't answer your phone unless caller ID tells you it's someone with whom you want to talk-or better yet change your number. When my H couldn't have contact with us, it drove him crazy.

Don't let him put the blame on you for this situation. What you did was wrong, you know that and have repented. That in no way gives him the right to have "his own affair." We are all responsible for our own actions.

Take care of yourself and heal. He's off in lala land and there's nothing you can do to get him out of there...he has to see the way out himself.

My H came here this morning looking for money from the income check, it automatically got deposited into our joint acct that we still have opened and then I transferred it into my own acct that I opened up back in December. I told him I would give him $1,000.00 and that was it and he then agreed. So we both went to the ATM and I could only get out $800.00 so that is what he got and that is it. I know you will tell me I am stupid, but he wouldn't sign the local or state tax forms if I didn't. Then we went for a ride to talk (or should I say try to talk). He had my cell phone all week and his was missing. So when he said it was missing a deactivated until he found it, he said he found it and I just activated it again and I called up his gf's to tell him, but she wouldn't put him on, she said give me the message to give him and I said no. And then she said you made him talk to you earlier you shouldn't have anything else to say to him. Then when we talked I said how can you go from being with me for a month again and then this week he talks to me like he hates me. He said you know I love you, but I don't know where it is in me. He could never forget that I had an A 1 1/2 ago, and I said howcome I can forgive you for the years before he went to rehab and now with her, and he just said I wish I can be like that, you can he doesn't have it in his head to be like that. I said you never through my A in my face like he does now until I found out about him and the OW back in August. And everything is all my fault what is happening now.