Me: disorganized, loves ideas/theory, not very practical, sleeps in, likes off the beaten path travel, spiritual, loner, likes quiet, deep, intuitive

Him: obsessively organized, logical, practical, up early, likes high scale travel, shallow, hates being alone, loud, not very deep

The preacher that married us gave us personality tests before the wedding. He said we were like him and his wife, it can work BUT we'd have to meet in the middle. Since I'm the more scatter brained one, and I wont remember details likely I'm not gonna be the one changing, it'd be HIM, and maybe I'd be the best thing for him as he couldn't be so petty living with me... Then we married and lived two years of hell (not so happily ever after). My husband proceeded to "know it all", organizing the house and "his life" they way he wanted it - oh, but there's a wife... since he saw himself as "superior" to me, I'd have to just follow along.

We met a couple of native americans at a bar one night after we separated and had a beer together. They had been married for 30 years and gave much wisdom to us. The indian man said you have to switch the pants back and forth: one wears them on some things, the other on other things... oh, my husband was actually listening, afterall his wife just moved out "for some reason." The indian said just look at how you eat your wings differently: I munched down mine quickly, missing half the meat - my husband had a pretty serious system whereby not even a bit of meat was left. See, that's the problem I told the wise native american. No, he said that's good, you have to be different, that's what marriage is all about.

There were other tips like don't talk to your friends/family about your marriage problems. I'd already learned from that, man will they take sides - your side - and tell you to move out. Everyone is a know it all about someone else's relationship and they have NO problems of their own. Or I'm just the foolish one that discusses them... And you have to be a team, work together, agree to disagree - enjoy the fights as over 50% of them with any couple won't be figured out.

So I watched Dharma and Gregg and it reminded me of my husband and I: total opposites yet they use humor (like the indian said to do) and they just have fun with their differences. Dharma is like me, "out there" half the time. Gregg is like my husband, very conservative business man. God knows why opposites attract but they always seem to: it it god's joke to make us grow? Well, I pulled a fast one on my husband and moved out. He now has no one to be KING over, and I'm not sure what he'll do about that. If he goest to a shrink with me and we go over all of this, all he'll really have to learn is what the Indian said: let her wear the pants half the time, stop being so perfect, relax and have some fun...

What do you really do if you are opposites besides fight?

I think the key is to accept each other how you are. My DH and I are complete opposites and we complement each other. It would be horrible if we were both alike. For example, I am very frivolous with money and never save. He is very frugal and saves every penny. So he handles our money and helps me reign in my spending ways.

On the other hand, I am a health fanatic and his eating habits were horrible. When I met him, he smoked, ate junk food and drank sugary pop all day. I have helped him clean up his diet and take more responsibility for his health.

He leads on several issues and I lead on others, but I don't have to get into power struggles and try to beat him down because I am not afraid of men. I know who I am so I am not threatened by leadership tendencies in others. Nor do I want a man that I CAN beat down, wussies are not my bag. I want a man that can take the lead and act like a man.