I know I need to end affair. I can't stop thinking about him. This is my first in 22 years of marriage. How do I move on and get him off my mind. I don't even know what you call this it's not love-it's crazy infatuation both ways. Very dangerous for both of us family and mutual careers

yes, I was in the same situation 9 mos ago-married
20 yrs-the A was 8 mos-I exposed him to my H,family and a friend-if it was "real love"why did
he have his W call me to tell me to stop calling her H-he couldn't even have the courage to call me
and talk like an adult-he had pursued and upset my
life and family and then tried to turn it around
like he was trying to "help me"get out of my bad
marriage-Go into MC right away-do whatever it takes to restore your marriage-at least put your best effort into it-it has been 9 mos for my H&I,
it's hard work but I think in the long run worth it for each other and our kids.

JRR,

Just from the wording of your post you have the instructions to end the A.

I know I need to end affair

How do I move on and get him off my mind.

From experience with my lovely wife, if you are in love with this man it will be very difficult. A lot will depend on how strongly you wish to keep you marriage and family together.

I wish you luck. This web site has a lot of helpful advice. so take in what you can.

Click on the link in my signature line for help with the process. You need to tell your H.

Simply end it, do the NC letter--and move on.

Make a list of all the things that are WRONG about the affair, and keep it somewhere where you can review it when you feel weak.

You don't say how long it's lasted. Mine lasted a long time, and by the time I ended it--there was no unrealistic fantasy. If yours hasn't lasted that long, it may be harder. However, mine lasted FOUR years, and I'm over it. I cried a lot at first, and I missed him at first too. HE'd been my emotional support for four years.

Think of this too. My marriage is over, I'm divorced after 21 years of marriage. Why? The affair. Ask yourself if you want to give up your long marriage, for this man with which you're having an A. Be very , very honest with yourself. What sort of man does this to his wife? (Granted, I cheated, and you cheated , too)

After exH and I separated, it took OM almost a YEAR to move out of his house, and relocate here. I could see right away what a huge mistake it all was. I also could tell I couldn't ever trust this man--found out later on in the R he'd cheated before. He refused to call his wife, in front of me, and check on the divorce status. To think I lost it all, for this type of man. What a fool I was. Dangerous infatuation, yes indeed.

One more thing--I've been coming and posting here since last September. I haven't been around here in almost two weeks, but I checked in last night and this morning. Your post caught my eye. Please, call it whatever you may-divine intervention--but PLEASE end the affair and come back to reality.

I so wish I'd found this site before it was too late for my marriage.

H_P

JRR, its a dangerous fantasy addiction that will eventually blow over. And when it blows over, what will you be left with? The wreckage of an affair is devastating. To you, your family and your spouse. I would suggest ending it now, coming clean with your husband and immediately taking steps to repair the damage in counseling if your H will stay with you.

Cut all contact with the OP. It won't be easy - it'll be like going cold turkey.

Then sit down with your S. Tell them what you need. What's going on inside you. Then let your S provide for you - whatever it is. Let them do it.

Be fair to your S. They also committed 22 years to your M. Not just you.

good luck,

WOW! I'm new to this sight, I wish I would have found you people 1 yr ago-awesome advice I hope
she acts on it!I have been struggling with letting
go for 9 months!Although no contact I think I just
fear rejection that he's commited to his marriage-
have heard they are taking trips every 6 wks-they
can afford it-but i'm wondering if he is just trying to schmooze it over with her or distract her?Anyone, any thoughts on this?