I can't seem to help myself. It ahs been 16 days since I found out that My husband was having an affair with a friend of mine. Hetells me that he didn't call her that it was all email stuff. He also says that they din''t share cards or gifts but I have my doubts because he says she wanted to but he said no. So I am in counseling with him and I still think about it hourly. I am looking into his cell numbers, our house number, her cell and house and our checking and credit cards. I feel like I am doing it to build some trust becasue if he has told me he truth and I don't find anything then I will be okay and he is getting some trust back but what if I find different. Should I stop looking and just move on with trying to make our marriage better? I don't know what to do.

First Leeann, EVERYTHING you are feeling right now is NORMAL. You are not alone, especially here! Read as much as you can to begin to understand what is going on with you and your situtaion. You will find lots of help here and just so you know, this is going to take some time. I know you want it all cleared up and solved today, but we are talking months. But I have to say, IT WILL GET BETTER. Just take each day, one at a time.

Now, about wanting to be a detective, This is normal because you lost your trust. And frankly, we have all done it and to some degree, late in the recovery, you may still have the urge. I say, go at it for the sake to prove things are still not going on. And if find more evidence, he needs to be confronted with it. Right now, you need to read about the No Contact rules and get him started with the commitment that he will no longer have ANY contact with her. That is a large step towards building your foundation for trust to begin. Good luck, keep us posted, and get reading!, this marriage can be saved.