WH came home yesterday for a visit, went to 12 yr. old S's teacher conference with us, took 16 yr. old S to practice driving and to take drivers exam this a.m. So far the visit has been good, calm.
I asked him if he didn't have anything going this weekend if he could stay with the kids, I wanted to go away with a group of friends for a fun getaway they have planned. He said he would.
I'm a bit torn,(Partly due to $$)& because I'd rather be spending time with him and the kids but he probably doesn't want to spend it with me.
But I know this is a good move for Plan A to get out and have some fun even though I think it's exactly what WH wants, is for me to move on, less guilt for him. I always feel like Plan A theory is a contradiction? How can this work?
This morning I did go into the room he was sleeping in and kissed him on the head and told him that I missed him, that we all did and he said, "I know you do", but made no move towards contact.
Last night he volunteered to run to the store for some "feminine personal items" for me, but I know he just did it so he could call OW.
I'm glad he's home for this visit, I feel I'm doing OK, but I also know it always takes me a few days after it to get my emotions in check again.
The one thing I'm not doing is the positive verbal complimenting, thankyou thing that I hear about in Plan A. I find it hard to thank him or tell him that I appreciate that he's doing things like the conference or watching the kids, etc. Things he should be doing, and I don't get thanked for it. I know, I know, I need to be the bigger person here and do it for the cause. I'll try today when I get home from work.
I could use some positive reinforcement...
I just really want to hold him and love him, this is so hard..

Bump!
I'm so tempted to talk about relationship but know that I shouldn't. How can I best utilize the time tonight. I feel that I have so little opportunity to Plan A. I feel the pressure to "get it all done" when he visits.

So I screwed up big time! Came home from work, and while it was just me & WH, no kids home yet, I had to bring up our R!
I asked him if he'd consider seeing the MC and he said NO, why bother, I hate you, it's over. And then we got into it. Me crying, asking where it went wrong. Him blaming me for his making him look like a "bad guy" over the past few months.
Accusing me of setting him up to look bad when I had my "meltdown" a few weeks ago. THe Things he said! Poor OW, her husband hit her, made her bleed. Oh so I guess as long as your wounds aren't visible it's ok to hurt someone!!
Anyways, it wasn't good.
I left to pick up D at daycare. When I came back I apologized for getting into it and said that I didn't want to fight and he said he didn't want to fight with me either.
We always calm down pretty quickly after a fight.
But I'm just disappointed in myself, I let my emotions get the best of me, again.
I'm still going to go away this weekend, but I'm not sure I'm in much of a "fun" mood. I wouldn't want to ruin the mood for everyone else by getting all emotional! But I'll put on my smiley face and do my best.
This is so crazy isn't it, how anyone comes out of this still astounds me!!
Well, he knows I love him, now I just have to show him without all the emotion. That's the hard part!

Poor OW, her husband hit her, made her bleed

this is how my husband got sucked in ya know and justified their freindship <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He pulled that near same line on me... So I calmy said to him....

If you are so concerned for her wellbeing, I think its in her and her childrens best interests you notify the authorites.ASAP.

call him on it. When we re-united and began MC, our MC was quite forthcoming.... damsel in distress and knight in shining armour..perfect couple for an affair.

and PS as it turned out there was no abuse in her marriage.. none and zippo.. it was her way of escaping to la la land with my husband in tow.

Good luck.

Since he is still in the A.. he is going to blame you and blame you... My h is out of the A, as far as I know and he blames and blames me for his actions.... and his leaving, etc.

I would be kind and nice and no more R talk.. Yes, let him think you HAVE A LIFE.. even if it kills you - and you will start to have some fun, even if you don't think you are going to.. as you get out and do this stuff!

I know you will! I have started to. YOu will start to realize that you deserve better, and that crying , pining or fighting for him is not the answer... Do you get enough child support? if not, file for that while seperated if you can... I did this through the attorney general and shuold of done it sooner, b/c ws was not giving me adequate money and it drove me nuts. ... also you can put in the every other wkend stuff if you trust him.. but maybe it is better to keep the kids with you for now... WS's are so nuts at times!.. who knows what they will expose our precious kids to?

Anyway, be loving and kind- REGARDLESS of what HE DOES... YOu can do it. Have you read the Power of the Praying Wife...? When you can nothing else you can pray for him.

I know it is hard, move to acceptance and quit fighting him... let him go and that is true love. T ell him you hope he will reconsider reconciling some time after you turn your new attitude on him.. but that you know he will make the best decision for himself. Truly if he does not want to be with you that is the better situation. i am sorry for your pain. I know it too well, and with 4 kids, is he insane or what? He is just running from reality and wanting to be in his fantasy...

Hugs, HOney

Well, the weekend went pretty good.
I went away with a group of friends and had a GREAT time, despite my earlier reservations!
WH stayed with the kids and I think he enjoyed himself. Probably the first visit longer than 1 night that he's had with them in months.
I told WH that I had a great time, wished we could do things like this together. His response, "you probably had more fun than you would have if I was there". I said, we always had fun together, we just forgot to make time for it.
When he left I thanked him for staying with the kids, told him that I loved him and missed him.
He's coming home next saturday night for Easter.
At some point I know I'll have to put a stop to this-letting him come home to enjoy holidays, visits etc. while still carrying on with OW. I should be just planning holiday gettogethers with my family(he would not come if they were here)But for now I need the Plan A time and feel it's important for the kids to spend time with him.
But it's difficult for me.
He is still pretty hung up on the things I've done(and some he just thinks I've done but I haven't) over the past few months. Like calling OW's H, writing her a letter, etc. He just can't seem to get past those! He thinks I'm providing ongoing info to OW's H, when actually he has a PI following them.
Anyways, I did sneak a kiss on the cheek when he left, he's pretty standoffish on the Pysical contact. We parted on a good note.
Thinking of sending a nice note to him this week, but then again not sure. Don't want to push.
Any suggestions?