What makes sex good, excellent, or bad? Was it best with your spouse, before marriage, after, or did it ever meet expectations. Was it better with the OW or OM? Do men like it better than women?

You know it is funny. I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We the best sex before marriage and after until our son was born. He is 17 months now and I just found out on the 24th of March that my husband was having anaffair with a friend of mine. He and she said he was having difficulty performing at the times when they could have sex. I was extemely hurt and still am. But in the past couple of days we have had really really great sex. We are closer now then ever and the sex is even better too. He is very sorry and vows to never do it again. He has started counseling for us and we are working it out. I know it sounds strange because I am very hurt and the images of him with her makes me sick but in a new way we are better and closer. I know things about him that I never knew and he is meeting my needs as well. This makes the sex much better and so paaionate. I want to work on keeping that feeling without having to be hurt by his cheating.

Excuse my naivete, but why do you ask? How will that question help in marraige building? Sexually everyone is different and have their own thoughts on what makes sex good for them.

WFLOWER,
I'm not trying to chase you away from here at GQII, but the Emotional Needs Forum has at least 6 current sex threads on the first 2 pages and you may get a better response from people who aren't all dealing directly with infidelity as the population of GQII tends to be.

I am asking because I think it is maybe a barometer of how my marriage is developing whether it is good or bad. Do you think that this is a harmful question for those of us who are coming to terms with infidelity? If anything thinking about it in my marriage and how all things are connected I think it is a tangible and helpful item to look at and evaluate. After all sex is a major part of adult life. And I didn't really appreciate it's importance before. I think it will help in marriage building when I realize how we get into the A. Sex seems to be a huge part of it. I think the intimacy I want is directly related to the sex part. I never personally have wanted to have an A. But I could see myself having an emotional A without the physical sex. I am learning just like everyone else and I have hurt. I do want to make marriage stable and fulfilling.

WFLOWER, I personally think it's ok to ask that ? here. After all, it's part of an A and part of the marriage as well.
Perhaps some would rather stick their head in the sand but that' just avoiding the issues to me.
It may hurt to look at it and hear the answers, but then life isn't fair or all roses either.
If one has a thorn in their flesh, the best way to heal it is to dig it out!
So I'm interested in the answers of those who have the intestinal fortitude to be honest with their answers!
It's something that is on every BS's mind, no doubt. We all have to wonder if our sex life was wonderful, why would there be a WS.
According to studies I've read by couneselors, most WS's say the sex is best with their Spouse.
That was the majority! Of course there will always be a few in the minority who don't enjoy their sex life with S.
SF is something that can be learned! Inhibitions have to go. I don't mean everything is open season. It has to be agreed upon by both parties as to what you want to experiment with and feel comfortable.
Let's face it. I know more and more women are cheating. But men are historically the cheaters. Some just are wired to cheat and think they are entitled to variety. They can't be satisfied no matter how great it is with one!
Also, according to studies done, the more experience a man has before marriage, the more likely he is to be dissatified with a monogamous relationship! If he was bed hopping constantly during bachelor days, he is not likely to become a monogamous creature in marriage.Just used to variety no matter how good or bad the others are. Um, they say there is no such thing as bad sex for a man. I do not believe that though.
I once asked my H what was his best sex in life, and he said he wouldn't discuss that with me. Now how do you think I felt? Obviously that I wasn't the one!
Yet, he has told me many times I'm the best!
You are not going to get a direct answer from spouse, I believe.
And for any WH here, they are not about to answer unless they change their screen name as wife might read it here. Unless of course, they can truthfully say wife is best!
Let us not forget, sex is one of the most important parts of marriage. Especially if you're not receiving it enough. It's 90% according to counselors. If you're both happy with it, then they say it's 10%. LOL
As for what I think, we're all arranged the same in anatomy. It's what one is willing to do with it that counts!
You are into a very deep subject for I know a woman who has been married many, many years and never had an orgasm. Do I think it's her fault? NOOOOOOOO. If her H knew enough about or cared about her anatomy, he could give her many!
So let us be fair to the BS. The WS sometimes uses the excuse sex wasn't good at home. Well, do tell because he might be surprised to learn he wasn't the best sex for wife ever either!
It's a 2 way street. You get what you put into it. Some are selfish and think only of their own satisfaction. Therein lies the problem.
Then there are some women who are cold fish! Raised to think it's dirty and only a duty to allow H to release. Now that is not good sex! LOL
All I really know is our sex life was wonderful up to a point when he became distant. Of course, because he was thinking of the OW even before he had her. He allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to sleep with her. According to him, when he finally did, it was a real dud!
What makes it good with someone in an A might not be the physical aspects at all. But the surroundings, freedom from interruption from children, phones, etc.
NO obligations or responsibilities getting in the way!
That is precisely why I responded to a thread where women refused their H's a weekend away without kids or even time alone!
Let's face it. You can't really enjoy the freedom to be Mistress with kids crying and beating on the door!
If everything in life comes before the spouse, don't be surprised if they stray. They want to be the center of attention once and a while.
But, they forget they're responsible for those children as well. They helped create them, so live with whatever you have to for the interim.
But wives and mothers should give time away with spouse.
Best sex is with someone you really love! And one you give all yourself to. Sharing it with some slut or jerk is detrimental to the whole marriage in every area.
We had great sex until my H started to experience impotency. He rejected my advances many times and laid it on his lack of performance. Our counselor said he wouldn't go near another woman with that problem.
Oh yeah? He did! Said his libiod perked up, but the actual experience was a dud due to both of them having problems.
Now our sex life is really going good for first time in years!
Guess he found out he has it good here if he'd just try with me. Yes,he does have to use meds to activate it. But whatever works!
Perhaps his low libido drove him to see if it would work with OW! She has problems too due to not using hormones now past menopause. LOL So we had two clowns trying to recapture youth!
Funny, though sad for all my pain,after they spent a week together, tried to do it, they both decided to go home and work on their marriages.
Only problem was, they got caught by me last night and I informed her H. So they had a lot more to deal with than they thought!
What started out with 2 people thinking they would be teeny boppers again, (knew each other in High school) turned out to be two fumbling idiots. LOL
Rest your mind. As my H put it bluntly, women all have tits and A--. That's it and its sex for sex. Some good, some not so good.
Why do you think 75% of WH decide to stay with S?
They realize they have a Rolls Royce at home, and went out for a joy ride in a VW!LOL
If OW were so hot, believe me, WH's would not give them up! Not for children, or anything!
It's the nature of the beast. Survival first, sex second! As my H put it, if it was such super sex, he'd not be here with me! That he still finds it best in my arms and bed.
Hope this helps you. God bless, LouLou

The best sex that I ever have had is with my spouse and it has to do with the fact that I share all of my life with him. Although am far from perfect, still I believe that my marriage was made with vows with God present and with naivity. Now I know much more. Know that he has had some "outside interests" from our marriage. If I had been more aware, or we did some things different , maybe we wouldn't be in the strange part of our life we are in now. But someone said on this site, that it may be part of what we needed to wake up, (not said just like this,) No, I don't want to make excuses for WS's. Adultery causes pain. It wrecks our family/marriage.

We are rebuilding and not relearning but learning something new. We have started to improve how we talk and more important, listen and how to get past the anger. It requires everything and what is to gain is everything to me.

When we have sex now I don't believe how much better it is. It is new to both of us. We are not fanatical. It is different.

Has anyone else shared this kind of awakening?

my lovely wife sang with the "duets" CD while we were making love. awesome