On Friday afternoon, I received a copy H's "Answer Claim" (his signed affadavit) in the mail. Oh! How it upset me!

The lies he states, are incredible! And if it isn't a lie, it's a "half truth". Yet at the same time, as I was reminded by "nikko" (thanks hon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), he's not acting any differently than he has in the past, nor should I expect him to.

The GOOD news, is that my responses to his claims can be backed up by proof, whereas his statements are merely words.

Point #11 (of 49) states:

"Prior to this separation the parties had separated on a few occasions during the marriage. These separations were as a result of disagreements and differences of opinion between the parties and not as a reult of the Respondent "H's" infidelity as set out in the application".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Is it just me, or did H sign an affadavit ADMITTING that he cheated during our M?

My response is that the "disagreements and differences of opinion" were in regards to his infidelity, as well as his financial and emotional abuse.

Point #12 is FANTASTIC... you'll all like this one! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"Prior to this separation the Applicant "Karen **" had become involved with an internet "chat group" called "Marriage Builders". The ideas and advice given to the Applicant by this group became a contstant topic of discussion between the parties. The Respondent "H" acknowledges that he did begin to withdraw from his relationship with the Applicant but states this was due to her involvement with this group and her desire to follow their advice".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't think I need to post my response to this one. LOL.

In general, I'm still really upset by it all. I've had to relive our separation, and calm down enough to generate an appropriate response to each of his claims.

I think the thing that gets me the most, is the fact that he didn't even get MY NAME right with his lawyer!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He's using my married name, however, I never did have it changed legally, and if I did ever use it, it was hyphenated with my maiden name. It's silly, I know. But it also proves that he never paid much attention to the facts of the M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hopefully I'll be meeting with my lawyer early next week to do the official response. This is so draining.

We're still trying to hash out the specifics for visitation. H plans on applying for 4 day weekends, every other weekend, once the "criminal matter" is resolved. My tart response to that, is that should the forensic results prove him guilty, then he may not even be allowed access to his children. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm done fighting for them to have more time together. It's all up to him and his lawyers now. I've done my best to facilitate visitation, and my offers continue to be turned down, or aren't possible due to H's bail conditions (NOT my fault).

Karen

Karen,
Walking that road that keeps your family safe and in tact is hard. It is hard even without the extra burden of dealing with your H's issues. But you are doing a good job and though he is still babbling, it is evident you still have a clear mind. Now keep that heart of yours calm so that the pain of his actions don't pierce you to the point of causing permanent damage.

Make sure your options leave a measure of safety for you and the children. Right now giving your H any benefit of the doubt may not be wise. He needs to prove to you and the authorities that he can provide a safe environment for the children so that they can benefit from a good father figure not a problem parent.

Hugz Karen, I think of you and the boys every day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Thanks Orchid. I think of you often too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The road I am taking is most definitely the hard road... but that's the short term. In the long term, this is the route well worth the current trials and tribulations.

I agree, that he has a hell of a lot of proving to do, that he can be a good parent. However, for the most part, for now it is simply my word against his. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> We all know I've done all the right things, but I am still concerned that with his fantastic ability to lie, he will convince the right person (ie a judge). Right now, it is merely a waiting game which gives me the odd opportunity every now and then to prove him wrong. Yes, part of me enjoys that I have FACTS on my side... but that other part of me is greiving a terrible loss. This never should have been my life...

Karen

Just a bump up for the weekday crew. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Karen

I read your post before, and was mulling over anything that I thought could say that would either be useful or supportive to you.

The thing was, I found it so ludicrous what your H had been saying, I really couldn't think of anything to say, and of course, being one of those wickedly manipulative MB "chat room" (chat room, chat room, I've never even been in one!!!!) bods, well, I'm probably corrupting you right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sometimes, I think we just have to see the bizarre in our situations and realise it is another bump in our journeys towards peace.

Thinking of you.

Lisa

<small>[ April 14, 2003, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: Lisa in London ]</small>

Topie-

You ARE doing the right things and it WILL come across VERY clearly during your darkest days in court. Continue to build yoursef up and recognize your H for what he is. He is MUCH more afraid than you will ever be, because he has self destructed and will be FORCED in court to SEE it.

Have faith...you will land on your feet and have a life that you deserve.

Thanks Lisa and kily. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am finally starting to feel better about it all now. I have reviewed my responses quite a few times, and I believe by doing so, I've increased my inner resolve about the whole situation.

Yes, it is quite preposterous; what H is stating in his affadavit. But again, it's really no surprise, is it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm trying to make a conscious effort of spending more time with the boys, and enjoying their laughter and "being kids". It's still hard. And my mind often wanders onto legal matters.. sigh! ... but I AM getting better. I"m thinking that part of it has to do with the anti d's are starting to work. (although, I'm still rather groggy in the daytime, and I'd rather not be). I'll talk it over with my doctor when I see him on the 22nd.

I made an appointment with my lawyer, but she's in a trial all week, and won't be available until next Thursday (April 24th). So my responses will have to wait until then.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to Easter. I've been talking to Eric about it, and explained that the Easter Bunny has a "magic key" to get in our house and leave goodies next weekend when he's sleeping. Eric is bet and bound that he's going to wake up to visit with the E.B., and that the E.B. will be bringing his mum with him for the visit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The only issue left to deal with is "what door will the E.B. come through? The front door, or the back door?". ROFLMAO.

Karen