Well, it is really over. H called this morning, told me that my actions over that past few weeks forced him to file for D. (he told me that he had already done that, but I had never heard anything). He said that this is the only way to stop the conflict. He said that he can't come home, that it isn't his home and that he doesn't love me.<BR>I have been crying hysterially all morning. I can't even go to work. I am a wreck.<BR>I prayed the God would give me a sign by the end to the week, and I guess this is it. Not the sign I wanted, but I can't fight this anymore. I am weary. I may not have been the perfect wife, but I tried as hard as I could to save my marriage.<BR>This is so painful. I thought I was moving on and would be prepared if this happens. I was wrong.<BR>I'm not sticking to anymore plans (A.B). He wants out, I have to let him. <BR>I don't even know what to say. I am sadder today than I think I have ever been. I can't believe that he could do this to me. I don't understand. <BR>I am babbling. I just need some help here. I am scared and alone. I didn't get married so that is could end in 5 years. I didn't get married so I could become a single mother. <BR>Why is he doing this. I don't know if I can see him again. He has ripped my heart out and doesn't even seem to care.<P>

It sounds like his guilt is talking. There is nothing you could have done that would have forced him to do anything. He is just trying to take the blame/guilt off of him. I know you don't think or feel this right now, but you are a stong person and you will get through this. Just look at all you have gotten through already. Be strong for yourself and your child.

Thanks for your words. No, I don't feel strong right now. I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die. All I wanted was my H to love me. I don't understand how he can be so creul. I can't stop crying. I have never felt so much pain for so long. I thought this was suppose to get better.<BR>I don't know how to go on. I really don't. I kept holding to the hope that he would come back to me, but my hope is gone. Now, I have to go to court and do the one thing I never thought I would have to.<BR>Life can be so cruel.<BR>

CEECEE,<P>I know exactly how you feel right now, at this very moment!! I am right there with you, my freind... <P>I know you don`t know me, from this site. I don`t post that much here, more on the divorce busting web.. but I have been served with filing back in june, 99, and it was/is devastating... <P>was married 12 yrs, have one kid, girl 11 yr old, and this is his second marriage... my first.. he has a 26 yr old son from first marriage, and ironically left his first wife about the same amount of yrs... It seems to be, becoming a pattern in his life now... <P>I know how hurt and painful this is, and I know my words ar not going to help you much right now or even tomorrow... it does take time... it doesm`t get better, for any of us, fast enough... life tragedies, all do take alot of time.... give your self, all the time you need to greive... that is what is happening to you... and me and so many others that have no control over some one elses choices... in this world... <P>unfortunatly, we can not change what is happening to any of us... we can only look for options... things to help us cope.. things to keep us busy... things to help us grow... people who can help us through... <P>I wish I could write something to help you more... I too feel the same way.. it is looking hopless for me also... I want so much for a miracle to accur... but reality is here, to stay, in my situation... It is him not me, who needs help... I too have done all I could to try and open him up to trying to work things out between us.. being he was married before me, he feels it is a waist of time for us... unfortunatly, he has a closed mind, to it all... from his past experiences... <P>I wish I cold say more to you, for you, to help.... I know/remember the days of histeria, and hoplessness... all I can say is hang in there... we are young strong beautiful people who all do deserve better, then the way we are being treated/judged/dealt with.. <P><BR>you are in my thoughts cee cee...<P>AV

CeeCee,<BR>You are so right, life is cruel. I wish more than anything that I could take your pain away. Has he actually filed yet? Could he be using this to hurt you?

Dear CC - If you think you can't do it no more, it is okay if you let him go.<P>But, also "It aint over until the slightly obese woman sings." And even then, it might not be over. <P>This might be a way to push your buttons - because he hasn't had success in the last week to do so. <P>I've always heard there is a fine line between love and hate. And it aint over until there is indifference on both of your parts. He doesn't know how to stop the conflict, and he is under the assumption that a divorce will end the conflict. But, it won't because there is still a bond there. <P>I think many people get divorced legally before they are divorced emotionally. Time is the only thing that heals, and it is only going to take time to heal or recover. You have time on your side, CC.<P>You have started to show an immense sense of strength. Remember that. Believe in yourself. You are a generous and loving person. He is in left field.

I'm balling as I write this. Sorry if I can't type. He called again. We had some more very ugle words and he told me again that he stopeed loving me a long time ago. He can make me feel so low and so mean. He says that I am wicked and that is way he doesn';t love me. Why do I believe him? How can one person make you feel so sh***. I couldn't even go into work today. I am such a mess. <BR>I knw that time will take away some ot this pain, but right now I don't see how. I had to take my daughter to my moms. I couldn;t even be around her. I just cry and cry. <BR>I don't know if I'm a good person or not. I really believe him when he tells me that I'm a bad human. I know I have made mistakes, and I know I keep making them. I have a broken heart and I just want it to stop. <BR>How do I go on? I can't face another day. I really feel like dying now<BR>

Oh Cheryl, I wish I could be with you right now. I can't imagine the pain you are going through now. It's ok to feel it, let it hurt, scream, cry, hit the walls(just don't hurt yourself )do what ever it takes to get those feelings out. This is so unfair!<BR>I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain right now. Just know that I am here for you and will be home all day so post away.<P>Love,<P>Jill

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! He is saying those things to you to justify his actions! Have you ever thought of contacting one of his other ex wives to see if this is what he has done to them? <P>Love,<P>Jill

Your worth as a person has nothing to do with what other people think.<P>Your H is projecting his failure unto you to make himself feel better. As low as you feel your self esteem is this moment, his is lower.<P>Many people in your life love you and will love you when you suceed or when you fail.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Bologne. You are a good person, and a good mother, and generous to boot. You are a very sweet person. <P>He is saying all the typical things - and is so dead wrong. Maybe the mirror he looks at makes him say those things. This isn't about you, it is about him - how could a good person do what he did? How could a person treat their wife and mother of his child say those things, unless he is a sorry excuse for a husband. <P>Because he can't stand himself, he wants to blame you? You cannot let someone else's opinion cave you in. You must believe in yourself. You know the good thigns you do, don't listen to him. Don't take his calls. Don't let him push your buttons.<P>You are going to get so strong, that every time he lashes out on you he isn't going to get anywhere. He will learn he's going to have to lash out at himself, and maybe that is when the real changes will come.<P>You MUST stay strong. You ARE GOOD. YOU HAVE BEEN GOOD. You will be good.<P>

Yes, he has filed. He gave me the name and phone of his atty so that I could give it to mine ( I need a different one). He said that we don't need to talk anymore-we'd work it all out between the atty. Said he was sorry but this is the only way.<BR>Jill- he told me today that he had a good marriage with #1 and a decent marriage w/#2, but w/me there was only to much tension. He said that I go from nice to horrible in a matter of seconds and he can't stand it. He said the when I am nice to him it is only a front of the person I really am- an EVIL BI***<BR>I have never felt so awful in my entire life. I feel used and abused. I feel like the last kid picked for the team and my h decided that he just didn't want to play anymore.<BR>I really think if it wasn't for Emma, I would run far away. I can't even think about tomrrow, of facing him in court. I don't even have the strength to pray right now. I have no idea what God is trying to teach me.<BR>I loved him the best I could. I wasn't enough. I feel so rejected, so humiliated.<BR>

Get mad Cheryl! Would you let anybody else talk that way to you and get away with it? Don't let him beat you down! Hold your head up and let him know that YOU are the better person. Don't feed into his bull****! You have been doing a great job the past weeks without him and you will do fine in the coming weeks. Stay cool,calm and collected around him let him look like the jerk that he is. It's OK to grieve the loss of your marriage but you also need to start planning for the future. Emma needs her Mom right now. You and Emma are still a family with or without him. Enough of the pep talk. These are things that I try to think about everyday when I think about what I'll do if J**f does this to me.<P>Jill

I'm sitting here in the middle of the afternoon ,getting drunk. I want my heart to stop breaking. I have never felt so depressed in all my life as I do today. And believe me, I HAVE been depressed.<BR>I don't know which way is up right now. I don't understand this. <BR>It is over. I am tired of TRYING to prove my worth the him. I am tired of showing him that I am a good person, that I do love him. I guess I really don't love him. I haven't been able to show it to him in a way he understands, so maybe I don't love him. Maybe this was all an illusion. My marriage was a joke from the start. I should have realized that when our first date was April Fools Day. Boy, am I a fool.<BR>

CeeCee<P>You need to pull yourself together. Do you really think this J**K deserves to be cried over. You H is such a coward he won't even be "man" enough to face you. You really need to realize that life does go on and the reason you feel so down is because you tried so hard to stay together and now all you see is failure. BUT you tried, and now you can continue through life knowing that you never gave up on your family and that coward H did. Step back from yourself and look hard. Look at yourself, you should be looking at a very beautiful, loving, caring person who tried and endured. There are so many better people out there and the sooner you get over this the better. Attitude is everything babe... Get your hair done, go for a walk and chill out because life is way more important then marriage.<P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Look at this man's history!!!! He needs help. From the way it looks, there's nothing you could have done to stop what's happened. It is a pattern with him. Don't sell yourself short. If he wants to go to court and get a divorce, get a good lawyer to protect you and your child. <P>prayers for you. Janie

You are not wicked or a bad person. You are not the problem, he is. You know the old saying misery loves company, well I think that is all he is doing. He feels like s**t (and he should treating you and your marriage like that) and he wants to make you feel like s**t. Don't let him. You can do this, you can stand tall and know that you did everything in your power to hold / put your marriage together. I am behind you 100%. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. <P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>

Is he a joke? I can't wait until you are not as emotional as you are now. How can he say he had a good 1st and 2nd marriage. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! HEELLLLOOOOOO!!! If it was good, then how did it end in divorce. Excuse me, but last I knew, good marriages don't end with a divorce! He is an emotianal abuser, and having been married 3 TIMES, shows me that he is an unstable man! Obviously, there is something seriously wrong, for a man to bail out of 3 marriages! He is emotianally abusive to you, by saying that everything is your fault, you are evil....blah...blah...blah!!! He is saying these things to hurt you further and to take ALL BLAME OFF OF HIMSELF!!! He is the evil person, no person kicks another human being when they are down. I can understand him not loving you or wanting a divorce, but with his cruelty to you, shows that he is in NO WAY A PERSON WITH AN OUNCE OF RESPECT FOR YOU OR HIMSELF! You just don't kick a person when they are down, especially a person you were so intimate in your life with....It seems he gets off on treating you like this, it makes him feel better about himself, just like batterers do!! Also, drinking is a depressant, and it WILL MAKE U FEEL WORSE!! It is a false painkiller. A hug from me to you!

This is not about you, it is about him. My H told me that he didn't like my basic personality, that I had somehow managed to hide my personality from him, I guess for many, many years. Every complaint he had was something I had at least as much justification to complain about in him. This is all projection of his own deficiencies. You are a good person.

Thanks you guys. I know that you are right. This day couldn't get any worse. I locked myself out of the @(#*^&$(& house. I have to crawl through the window like a burglar. AAAAARRRRRRGGGG.<BR>I know that I deserve much more than him. I am pretty drunk right now, but it feels good.<BR>I did try the best I could. I know that I can look back and say that I did do everything I could to save my marriage. <BR>He does need help. Lots of it. He keeps telling me to pull it together, to do something fun, to make the best of my life. <BR>Well, that IS what I will do. I AM a good person, and I certainly don't deserve this kind of treatment, and neither does my daughter. <BR>We will be fine. We will prosper. We have love and be loved. We deserve that.<BR>I am feeling better, but it think it is the booze. I haven't cried in 20 minutes, so I think it is working. <BR>You are the best. You make me feel so much better.<P>Cheryl