Jen I noted you seem to be suffering the same blues I am suffering from.....sorry misery loves company....so how about pulling up a lounge chair on the Titanic? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Question for you. Realizing that you can turn back the hands of time....do you think the actually feelings you experienced will make having an affair easier in the future sort of like dropping the barriers so to speak.

Or will the experience and subsequent pain almost assure you that you will never go there again?

Let me assure you that the pain and loneliness and absolute heartache over destroying what was once a beautiful marriage, filled with plans to have children and grow old together ABSOLUTELY assures me that I will NEVER go "there" again.

Something that my H and I talked about last night has hit me like a ton of bricks, making me even more certain I couldn't ever go "there" again.

Impatient Jen mentioned to my H that it's been 10 months now, and he said really. The call ended shortly after that, I assumed b/c it was like I was putting pressure on him to decide by bringing it up. Then he called back about 5 minutes later to tell me that it may have been 10 months for me, but it's been 11 months for him (11 months since I slept with OM the first time, and my H knew about it, but I didn't confess to it). He lived for a whole month wondering if, how and/or when I'd be rushing off to sleep with OM again. I can't even imagine what living he!! that would've been. The person you loved more than anyone in the world sleeping with your best friend and lying about it to you......

I'd do anything to turn back time, but I can't. sorry for the longwinded reply. It's just my style I guess.

Jen <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks Jen I really needed to read that. Its exactly what my wayward wife said.

But for me its not one month but 20 months plus 9 previous months where he was "working" before he got what he wanted.

I geuss I needed to hear someone else say it so it wouldn't sound like a "line".

Tough part for me though was it took about 6 weeks after partial discovery even to get an acknowledgement of sexual activity. Once the phone bills rolled in and therapy continued she broke down and confessed all...including the suppressed childhood/teenage abuse she had never disclosed.

Thanks again Jen B I know that was a painful question but for my marriage's sake I had to hear from someone other than the one that wounded me so deeply.

God ease your pain if possible if not then may he lessen it.

Perhaps you should let your husband read this.

You are right, it was a painful question. I was reeling in tears thinking about it, and my head's still thumping a bit this morning. But it was something that helped me to confirm my feelings and what I want for my future.

I think one of the reasons why some WS are relutant to tell "the whole truth" is it means facing the painful truth about ourselves, and what a horrible thing we were in fact capable of. It took your FWS 6 weeks to come completely clean, with a life history of repressing things. That tends to make me want to have a little more patience with her. It took me a couple months to stop blaming my H and his stupid female friend for me choosing to have an affair. I didn't want to face the fact that really it was all my fault, all my doing, that I was capable of being such a rotten, selfish, inconsiderate person.

I would be tempted to show my H this. However, I prefer to TELL him how I feel. Also, I feel like I have betrayed him with my 1000+ posts here, almost bashing him by airing our "dirty laundry". I worry about my MB posts and what will happen if/when he finds them all, if he ever does. Although, I showed him a couple posts last summer to me from other people, but he was very dismissive about what they had to say.

Take care s-d. It does sound like your wife has come a long way in personal recovery, and is remorseful enough that she'll likely be faithful to you from now on. I guess you just need to decide if you can be completely happy and fulfilled with or without her by your side for the rest of your life.

Jen

Jen-

Sorry to hijack.

I used to worry about the posts too. I started to understand that if it was going to get to recovery, then at some point I would want to share what I was feeling with my partner. What it would show was that you went through HE!! too. It would show how much you hurt, and how you grew. It would show how sincere you were with your remorse, and how much you loved your H. Lastly, it would show that you were able to look into yourself, and your H and really "see" what it was all about. Sure you may have been critical at times, but eventually you were able to see it differently. THAT is the KEY to recovery.

Hopefully this helped.

Second hijack.

Reading your posts has given me hope that someday, SOMEDAY, my H will come out of the fog. I wait and pray...

Meanwhile, WSs, before my H had his relapse, I was almost convinced it would work for a month after D-Day by his strong, positive insistence -- frequently repeated -- that he wanted to be married to me, that he loved me, etc. It was SO persuasive.

So I would urge you not to whine or beg, but be strong, be positive, be sure. It's so hard to resist!