Feeling better today and just thought I would post and share that there is life without WS. We can just give the WS to God and let go. Thank goodness I am able to see that today, I have seen bits and pieces of that throughout this ordeal, but am doing way better today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If any of you would like to share how you function and enjoy life while seperated, while remaining available IF WS is willing to do what it takes to work on the M. PLEASE do share.

Honey

Hi Hon!

You let the WS worry about your "availability"...if and when he's ready, he'll find you! (As will my W, if she so wishes!)

It really is about getting on with your life, and not think about him isn't it. Because I now know, that he is too confused and conflicted by this other woman, that he doesn't even want to try to work out the marriage. He is just telling me he wants to so I woun't cry.

only 5 days passed, and I'm at the end, on to an even harder beginning.

You know it is just one day at a time... Somedays you are happy for what you have and other days you are sad for what you have lost... But in the long run - it is you that you have to be happy with .... You and your children that are the center of your universe... If and when he is ready - you will try - or heck it may be to late by then - you may have moved on - Who knows - ??? But stay strong and true to yourself.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the replies.. would love to hear more ideas on how people cope and move on... doing very well today still... I think my downward spirals usually start when I deal with 'him' and the negative behavior of a ws- not too good for the self-esteem.... but letting him have all that, and still believing in me.. that is what it is all about..

Off to finish taxes to get to the mail by midnite~!

Hugs, H

I really try not to psychoanalyze him, or figure him out, or mind-read him, or guess what he's going to do -- which is hard. I try not to think about the OW, her weirdness (not my imagination in this case, but that means I can just sink deeper in these thoughts). I keep reminding myself that my future is not dependent on me figuring out THEM and what they are doing and going to do. It's dependent on the moves I make for myself.

Here's one trick: in every marriage, there's something you give up for the spouse. Maybe something silly, like eating crackers in bed, or ice skating, or arranging the chairs the way you like them. It may be certain friends you've given up. Now you can do all that stuff!

Try not to hole up. Go out, be social, be an actress. Act like you're having a great time. Sometimes you will. Wear bright colors. Everyone is telling me how great I look (the "infidelity diet" helped too).

Thanks again for the post, posts! At work and rather exhausted from late night tax issues...

Anyway- I appreciate all the ideas. I am having to ask God to help me through the pain and the seperation. I am very tired and it feels like giving up to let go of trying to fix it, but it cannot be done by me.

I do better taking care of me, and giving him to God. More later.

H

Things were a bit harder for me last night... stressing over no contact... just for yesterday, we only had negative contact on tues. regarding taxes, and monday was only counseling.. but wed none, and now thurs. I will still not contact him...

More drama now, my son is complaining about going to his dad's just now.. for the wkend, he is miserable at the thought and wants to stay home from school today b/c he says he is not at home enough... well it is also morning blah's- I don't want to go to work either. I may spend sat. with WS, in the evening, and be there for Easter on Sunday... So that is a maybe we talked about last week. SInce it is wh's wkend by law, he does not want to let kids stay at our home, he wants them at his apartment, and also his church , in his neighborhood. Can you tell we still have lots of independent behvior going on here? Anyway, tired and needing to get dressed the rest of the way and head off to work.. maybe I will have a good day?

Need to go... will try to ck in from work. I need opinions on this Easter nite over and if it is letting him cakeeat too much? - I may post another post for that- I really am worried that is part of why we are seperated so long, that I visit, spend the night, and sometimes get pulled into sf.. and now that I have not been spending the nite last 6-8 wks wh acts a bit angry at me and more distant.. and I am afraid I might have to fear ow 3 if I am not available in this way to him. I am also trying to stay away when he drinks and documenting any dangerous situations kids might be in, in case I have to take it a step futher.

Thanks, H