hi, i could use advice from anyone?H says even if ow wasnt around he would still need to go , his feelings changed along time ago,he says.is this fog? mabey we werent as close but that is because he was only home for 45 minutes a day.im scared mabey he doesnt love me? but again i find it hard to believe after16 years? and there were no major problems. so now hes leaving says he is no longer happy here, wants to go because he doesnt love me the same, and he just keeps hurting me,cant give up ow and try,says he did try. i dont see it, and my phone bill proves it,lunch everyday with ow, takes her home everyday,calls her everychance he gets, when exactly did he have time to try? so hes leaving today, my od is thinking about suicide,my other 4 cry at night and he thinks they will be better, because now they will know he is going to leave permanently.does he really think they will give up, and stop wishing he will come home?
anyway i told him if he is going to leave then he cant be coming over everyday,staying for dinner and acting like he still lives here! if he is leaving me he has to leave everything! all his comforts! so i told him he can only see the kids on friday night and saturday,sundays are for church,but i would like it if he joined us. friday night i willspend the night with my mom,and come back saturday night, that way i get a little free time for me, although i will miss my kids. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> he said he wants a divorce! i told him if that is what he wants he has to do it on his own, do i give him the divorce? or do i fight it in court? i already got legal seperation papers,to be served to him at work im hoping mabey this will wake him up a little? can some one help me out, give me hope? i really believe it is never going to be over, but he seemd so sure that it is and his confidence scares me, does the fog affect how you felt in the past,or your memories of it?cause he keeps saying he felt different for a long time although i didnt see it,the ea goes way back to sept,mabey sooner how long do they usually last? what will it take to snap him out of it? i cant be mad at him, we still are best friends, talk together, laugh together. im trying to be as understanding as possible even though i dont understand? and be caring , loving and patient so he always feels im here for him no matter what, because i know when he comes out of the fog hes going to be hurting!how can i be tough and caring at the same time? gosh i love him! and all i can think about is him out there alone!!i feel so sad for him! is that wrong should i be angry?i do get there but it always goes away everyone keeps telling me igot to get mad,but i just cant hurt him in anyway.
HELP ME? someone tell me it will be ok, he will come home?

Put the responsiblity on him to get help (counseling for the children). don't be afraid he doesn't love you or will leave, because he already has. NOt that he won't come back but right now he is not the same H and father you and your family once knew.

Regardless if the OP is good or bad, she is helping him take his children to the brink of disaster and right now that needs to be your priority.

Set your personal feelings and worries aside and deal with the children issues. If he does not want to work to help save his children, they need to see that so they know it is not their fault.

Then you will be able to deal with your personal issues with him.

Get some counseling ASAP for your children and yourself. Make him responsible for getting you there and working through it. The OW won't like it but who cares about that? Not U.

take care,
L.