H and I went out to celebrate my 40th birthday with our best friends of 8 years, another married couple. We partied very hard and had lots to drink. On the way home my H was driving and her H was in the front seat. My friend and I were in the back seat. I was very intoxicated and do not remember very much of the ride home, too many shots! Anyway, for some bizzar and unknown reason, two perfectly straight and decent women, (that would be me and my friend) started making out and before long all the clothes came off. The guys in the front were just taking it all in.

The next day when H told me what happened, I was horrified. He said it was the greatest thing he's ever seen and he loved it. He thought it was incredible. WHY???? Why on earth doesn't he consider it disgusting and wrong?? Why doesn't he see it as cheating? I certainly do and it took me a long time to get over it. The other women said she did it because she thought her husband would like it too cause it was one of his fantasies.

We are all still very close friends, but with our clothes on at all times. None of us have brought it up. It's like it never happened. I will not let it happen again. It would completely disgust me if my H started making out with his best friend. YUCK!! Why does he feel differently? Because we are women?

Hmmm uh er when's your next birthdy party? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Jazzey pretty much hit it on the head. Still it would be a little disturbing to me simply because I would wonder if you sexual gender issues.

Plus while it might something appropiate in a fantasy I think morally actually seeing in carried out would be wrong for many people.

Sexual gender issues...all hetero, and I can say that for my friend too. That's why it really blew me away that it happened. I also agree that it is morally wrong and that's why I was so upset by it. It's just a really freaky, freaky thing!!

He probably doesn't consider it cheating for several reasons. First, he knows you don't do this often (or haven't yet). 2nd, he knows you were very, very drunk. 3rd, he knows you are close to this other woman, as he is to her husband.
There are probably other reasons too, but those are probably the major ones.

Secondly, as someone said, this is a very common male fantasy. Seeing two women "doing it" is quite a turn-on for many men. (I take exception to the other poster's assertion the it is EVERY man's fantasy, but I accept it is for a vast number of us.) So, being in a drunken state himself, and probably also VERY surprised by this, he didn't know what to do, say, think, and by the time he was back to his senses, probably felt guilty at having watched, not done or said anything, or any number of other reasons.

What I would suggest is that all of you discuss this amongst yourselves. Pretending it didn't happen is probably not healthy. Probably more healthy to talk about it, understand it as an alcohol-induced aberration, perhaps you might decide to discuss it with a counselor, or any number of other options. Sweeping it under the carpet, in any case, is robably not the best thing for any of you.

I guarantee you your husbands are still reeling from this...if not outwardly, certainly inside. It's bound to be a scary thing to see your wife and your best friend's wife do this, impromptu, shall we say?

One caveat: IF it happens again, THEN he'll start thinking it might be more than just an aberration...

If you are having waking blackouts to the degree that you would violate your morals, you have a serious drinking problem that is much greater than your husband's reaction. I agree that it was disgusting and I would also be horrified.

I just hope you see this as the wake up call that it is. Normal drinkers don't usually experience fully functional blackouts.

<small>[ April 17, 2003, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Did I miss something? When is it ever okay for a husband to just stand around and watch while your wife is being taken advantage of?

I think you need to ask your husband why he thought it was fun to let someone else touch you at all if you were so drunk you don’t even know what you were doing………….

You drink too much and so does he. He is guilty and you are guilty. Just think about it and talk with your husband about it. You need to discuss your problems and get it out and over. As for the "friends", I would definately reevaluate the situation and how that all played out. Like a bad card game. I think you would be wise to start meeting with a counselor as well. It was not innocent just cause of drinking. The world is corrupt and we are capable of going down with it. Take care of each other and protect each other... Make it happen and do not fall into such a mess again.

Let me know when you all plan to be out partying again, as I want to be sure my friends and family aren't on the same road.

Let's see, drinking, driving and screwing around in the back seat...great recipe for killing someone else's loved ones.
T

One more question for you. Why did you ask only the men?

Do you think this is for real? It sounds so unbelievable to me.....

Well, my opinion on this thread would probably not be one of the popular ones, but here it goes anyway.

I skimmed through some of your threads and your relationship sounds a bit like ours. My WH has accused me of sexually starving him for years. What he did not know was that he was also sexually starving me.

I know where you are coming from, babies around your legs, big breasts flowing with milk plus all the other stuff one has to keep together as a mother and a wife in a family. My WS did not see that his sexual starvation was directly linked to his incapacity of giving ME quality time and making me feel appreciated.

That lead of course to the vicious circle of me pushing him away, him pushing me away, both of us punishing each other for not being there to fulfil our needs.

The encounter you experienced in the back of the car. First of all I do not think you should be disgusted. It might not be something you want to do again but I think you should try to understand why it turned out like it did.

If I would have been in your shoes (and I have, you can read some of my threads), I think I would have done it to catch my H attention. You said in one of your threads that he did not want sex with you, that now you would get to feel how he has had it for 15yrs.

But you are only human. You are hurting & in pain and in deep need for affection. Could it be that deep down you wanted your H to see that you are a sexual person too. You need that physical contact, you want to explore that side of you too? But up til now you have not had the time or energy.

It probably really rocked his boat and now he looks at you with interest. Who is this woman I am married to? If you tell him that you are disgusted with yourself, his interest will decrease. Because then you are not allowing him to see the why´s and the reasoning behind your actions. His hope for having a woman with a lust & desire for all aspects of life diminishes.

I think you did it because you needed him to LOOK at you. Be interested in you as a person. AND because you needed physical attention. You could have gone for his male friend, but you know that that would have been threatening for both of you.

My advice to you is not to beat yourself up about it. Talk to your girlfriend about what happened, how you are feeling mentally & physically. Open up to your husband about what happened. If you remember feelings of enjoyment, share that with him. If you recall feeling "you wish it was him" tell him that. Be true to yourself and don´t get fixated on what others think is right or wrong. It will get you nowhere.

Instead you will just be suppressing everything you are, weaknesses, sadness, pain, happiness, lust, the works. Like I said you are only human. We are weak sometimes, we do things we do not always understand, we make mistakes.

Pain and hurt can make us go down roads we did not wish to travel. Life is a learning experience, take it as that.

I am not disgusted with you. I am more sorry that you are disgusted with yourself. And I am VERY sorry that many others are so tied up in morals and ethics so they can tell you that they are just as disgusted.

I hope that you will move past that and accept what happened as a result of many things. Use it to be more whole and to know who it is you are, and be happy that you have learned one new thing about yourself, in good or bad.

-queen-