My wife had an EA that turned into a one time PA. I contracted HSV from her and found out about the affair shortly thereafter. There has been NC with OM since 09/2002 and we have been working on rebuilding our marriage. Both of us have learned and changed a great deal in the 7-8 months since D-day. I was on anti-D's up until a couple of weeks ago and they seemed to help a great deal. I am still, however, dealing with the thoughts of my wife being intimate with someone other than me on an almost daily basis. I could just as easily cut my hand off than to make out and have sex with someone other than my spouse. I cannot fathom how someone could do that and remain married. Why not just divorce if the marriage has broken down to the point that one's marriage vows do not mean anything anymore? I am concerned because I do not want to put my wife through constant up/down cycles and mood swings. I do not want to be on anti-D's forever. These up/down cycles are not good for my mental health either. We have children and I do love my wife very much. She truly regrets what she has done and has done everything within her power to help me get over her affair. It seems as though it would be much more painful to walk away, but I do not want to feel this way forever. I do not want to put my wife and family through my mood swings forever either. What should I do? I do not want to give up, but want to know when one should?

mfisher1967,

Are you in conseling with MB or any marriage coach ?. The road to recovery is very hard and narrow you need guidance. The key to rebuidling is you have to let your wife to fillin your ENs among the rest of 4 rules of recovry and she has to willingly doing it. The same for you. Read again about Insticnt and Habit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Why not just divorce if the marriage has broken down to the point that one's marriage vows do not mean anything anymore?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I assume you are a Christian. You had the option but since you take her back, you can't Dv her.

Get professional help, you need it. We are here just to provide support nad give out our 2¢.

-rh-